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[–]Fraeulein 28 insightful - 1 fun28 insightful - 0 fun29 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

In the summer between my middle school and high school year, a long-time long-distance friend of mine introduced me to one of her friends. This friend of hers identified as a transgirl, though, when we first met, I was not actually aware that she wasn't biologically female. We didn't talk too much at first, and all she really knew about me was that I was three years younger than her, a lesbian, and a huge Sonic fan. In the group chat with me, her, our mutual friend, and their other friends, she wrote her coming out story, which I believe was the first time I found out she was trans. I sent a very short and generic response, probably something along the lines of, "Rad! You're valid!" Didn't think much of it after that until a bit later, she sent me a direct message about how sweet I was. From there, we started DM'ing each other, mostly talking about our favorite video games and nerding out over Sonic and the Elder Scrolls. I also showed her some of my art, and she was very supportive of it, which made me feel really happy. Just a couple weeks later, though, out of the damn blue, she asked me out. At this point, I didn't have any feelings for her that were not purely platonic, but I was worried about saying no for several reasons. I didn't want to lose my new friend who shared so many of my interests, and I was worried about creating a divide among our mutual friends and being seen as transphobic among them. This was around the time where "if a lesbian rejects a trans lady just for being trans then she is a dirty transphobe and should be burned at the stake" started becoming a big thing among the inclusive LGBT spaces. So, I accepted, and figured we would probably drift away in just a month or so. Unfortunately, that was not at all the case. After a bit into dating her, I started seeing all new sides of her. She was very manipulative, and I quickly became very emotionally attached to her. The longer our relationship lasted, the less she started caring as being perceived as a woman, and about a couple years into it, "she" completely dropped the trans shtick and was identifying as a man again. I did ask him about it, and he basically admitted that he mostly decided to identify as a trans lesbian to make our mutual friend, who is a lesbian, like him more. I hadn't put two-and-two together at the time, but I now realize that this was just a sick man with a weird lesbian fetish (supported by all the lesbian porn he would always randomly send me unprovoked). It completely changed my belief that the idea of a person pretending to be trans for predatory purposes was unrealistic. And even though I was a victim in this, I am still very reluctant to talk about it in most LGBT spaces because I know they will consider me a TERF sent from the bowels of bigot hell. There's no room for a nuanced discussion when it comes to this sorta thing among most LGBT spaces now. Hell, I don't even consider myself gender critical, but this is one of the few places I know of that doesn't just hate LGBT people in general where I could safely discuss this.

[–]oofreesouloo 25 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 0 fun26 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Hi! I'm also a lesbian and I feel you. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm pretty new here and peaked because of actuallesbians. I consider myself VERY LUCKY that I peaked ONLINE and not in an actual real life contact with a "trans woman". But I do have a weird story with a "trans woman". And I'm SO glad in my country things aren't that bad, because maybe if it were, I would have been called a TERF and transphobic. I didn't and things ended peacefully. I've met VERY FEW trans people irl. So I didn't think much of them. 2 years ago, I decided to go to a LGB(T) gathering. It was mostly gay guys there, some bi or pan guys, a few girls (don't know sexuality) but I believe I was the only lesbian there. But one of the people there was a "trans woman". Let me tell you, this person LOOKED like a male 100% (didn't sound like he make any effort to pass). I could tell immediately something was "off" with this person, the first second I saw him. I asked myself: "Why is this person here?". This person looked 100% male, dressed masculine, was overweight, had very poor taste in clothing and was very clumsy. Had long hair, but treated poorly. I thought "this CAN'T be a gay or a bi guy. But if he isn't a gay or bi guy, WHAT is he???? A "trans woman" - he told me. I was totally respectful and REALLY did some mental gymnastics to try not to mess up with pronouns lmao. But let me tell you, this "trans woman" quickly got somehow 'obsessed' with me. He didn't leave me alone, I became kind of uncomfortable and tried to speak with one of the pan guys there, that I find very nice! This 'trans woman' didn't 'let me'. As soon as I tried getting closer to the pan guy, the 'trans woman' would make everything possible to keep talking to me. Then, he messaged me, always overly complimenting me and finally saying he was very attracted to me. IT WAS SO WEIRD. Saying he was hoping to finally get together with me when he had done the surgeries. I don't know, it was TOO MUCH. I was like, what the hell................... And I started 'dumping him' slowly and trying to be polite. Like I said, I'm lucky that in my country things aren't a mess yet. But OMG, he was obviously a straight male with AGP and with a lesbian fetish. But I was kind of clueless because it was my FIRST time contacting to a trans woman.

EDIT: By the way, I'm not saying that I thought the 'trans woman' wasn't a gay or bi guy just because of dressing masculine. It was the OVERALL vibe that I got from this person that it was very off putting. He looked like a very weird straight male.

[–]Fraeulein 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Oh my god, that is absolutely horrifying! Thank goodness you're okay now. My ex was actually pretty effeminate, and, if not for his deep voice, could actually pass as a girl when he kept up with his appearance (which, after awhile, he stopped doing). Thankfully, our relationship had stayed long-distance all four years we were together since I was just in high school the entire time and we lived 8 hours away from each other. We had come very, very close to meeting up several times and I now shudder just thinking about what could have happened if we did. It's absolutely abhorrent how far straight men with a lesbian fetish can get away with harassing actual lesbians as long as they claim they are a transwoman.

[–]thatradicallesbian 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I am SO relieved to read that this creepy older dude with a lesbian fetish didn't have a chance to predate on you in person, especially considering you were just a kid. I'm still sorry you went through that, though. As a fellow lesbian, it sounds extremely traumatic.