I don't think I've ever felt a true connection with another person.

submitted by Zombi from self.whatever

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[–]HeyImSancho 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I struggle with this so much as I get older. I just don't know what I can do to understand the person I am any more, you know? How do I know when I've comprehended myself fully? Will I ever? There's been times when I've thought I've known who I was, but I always end up doing something (sometimes a good thing, sometimes a bad thing) that shows I'm capable of much more than I knew.

Sometimes I'm in a situation where I have thoughts/feelings that contradict eachother. How can I say I know anything about myself when I don't even know how to feel? It all just gets so confusing and the deeper I think about myself and my wants/needs/thoughts/past actions the more "lost" I get. It doesn't help that revealing those parts of me, the parts that may help others get to know me better, feels somehow so vulnerable. Maybe that's my issue? Maybe I'm afraid of being taken advantage of by letting others in?

I think Mnemonic has some wise words. As to what I quoted of you, I've had similar thoughts. As to knowing myself, and my own feelings, that's tough; as I do feel strongly.

I look for the merit of what I'm feeling; I mean a 'feeling' is just a signal to the brain; interpretation, and ranking of that signal is a function of reasoning; the stickler though, you need critical thinking skills(seriously not being mean, but most people? LOL) to beneficially interpret said signal.

To do that, I realize an emotion can be caused chemically; am I feeling one way, or another based off of something ingested, or not, or am I feeling this way because of a biological influence?

Another thing I do is look for someone near me now, in some way artificially influencing the way I think I feel? People are drawn to example, some people cannot do anything, but mimic others; so it's always good to know, or ask oneself, is someone influencing how I feel right now? Other people's thoughts, and emotions must be accounted for.

What I wrote above are part of what I use 'in the moment', but at the same time, a lot of self reflection is necessary to realize who you are, and what you want out of life in order to aid in determining what emotions really are 'us', or to 'us'. A great deal of that self reflection is learning 'it's okay to be you', as you are all that really should matter; introspectively.

Honestly having that said, it's nothing to be ashamed of, most people never learn to interpret emotion as a separate function to who they are cognitively.

This is especially true in our modern society where thought is discouraged, but it's encouraged to proverbially, as long as approved by the establishment, to wear your emotions on your 'shirtsleeve'.

Specifically regarding love, to myself, it is a working partnership; I've got your back, you've got mine; through thick, and thin; if betrayed, it's on you as I can, and do stick with the plan.

[–]Zombi[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I look for the merit of what I'm feeling; I mean a 'feeling' is just a signal to the brain; interpretation, and ranking of that signal is a function of reasoning; the stickler though, you need critical thinking skills(seriously not being mean, but most people? LOL) to beneficially interpret said signal.

I don't mean it like that lmfao! I mean like, say, abortion for example. I feel that a womans body is hers to deal with as she pleases, so I'm pro abortion. Yet, I also think in the back of my mind that when does a human become a human? Where is the line there? I can't help but think in some way it IS murder because that baby would have become a full person if it was aborted. So these two feelings conflict and I don't exactly know how I feel on the subject. Saying it's fine makes me feel bad for the kid, but saying it's not goes against my principles. Do you see how something like this is conflicting?

Of course there is depression and anxiety type of "feelings", but I've been dealing with that for more than a decade now. The only reason I can even deal with them now is because I had to realize a long time ago that those feelings were just chemicals and would pass sooner or later. It's hard to stay on top of, but after a looooong time struggling with it nowadays I'm much better at telling myself that.

[–]HeyImSancho 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My personal conflicts? I simply accept my own internal dichotomy; as a singularity. It's okay to like, and dislike at the same time.
Thinking about it like this, then adding in time, and you can somewhat end up with a sine wave; likes, and dislikes; loves, and hates then become opposing cycles of the same forward motion movement.

I'm not trying to solve anything, as I don't know that there's anything to fix. As long as I know me, and learn to accept me, I don't need to compare my life to the next guy's, or be what the tv tells me to be.....put all that towards abortion, or any other topic, and it's okay to have conflict; it's your subconscious just helping you reach decision.