Man Bashed Online After Referring to Friend's Child as 'Baggage'

submitted by Musky from newsweek.com

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[–]tiny-brown-mug 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

I don't see anything wrong with this. He doesn't want to get involved with a woman who has a kid. She reached out to him once she and her long-term boyfriend split. They had a kid together, never married, and they broke up. This guy doesn't want to catch up. He senses that she wants something from him, and he's probably right. She's possibly looking for a man to help raise her kid, and it's odd that she's only wanting to catch up now.

NTA. The kid's obviously not luggage, and this isn't the kid's fault at all, but I can understand the guy's hesitation to have anything to do with this woman. She knew all the guys found her cute, now she's trying to cash in on her cuteness to reel this guy in. If you weren't good enough for her back then, you should realize she's wanting something. Run, dude.

[–]Musky[S] 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

I don't see anything wrong with this.

Me either. I think it's crazy the guy is getting bashed for it. It's not unreasonable he doesn't even want to open that door of possibilities.

She's possibly looking for a man to help raise her kid, If you weren't good enough for her back then, you should realize she's wanting something.

Yeah, there are certain realities here people are uncomfortable admitting to. Raising children is the most important thing we can do, but raising another man's child is not a casual undertaking. I don't blame the woman for wanting a male figure for her child, someone to assuage the loneliness, or the guy for noping out.

[–]tiny-brown-mug 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

Yep. I think a lot of people are just trying to convince themselves that getting another man to raise a kid who's not his own is 100% normal. And that no guy should ever get to opt out of this. These women can't make it work with the biological father, don't want to get married, and break up. That failed relationship is not another man's fault. Neither is the woman's choice to have a child.

I feel bad for the kid who's stuck in the middle, but I don't see how it's wrong for this guy to say "no, thank you". I've also noticed the responses on AITA getting really savage, unforgiving, and one-sided. Children are allowed to set up boundaries with abusive parents, but parents can't say "no" or "not right now" to an abusive or irresponsible grown child. Women can say no to men, but men can't say no to women.

[–]Musky[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Again, I find myself in total agreement with you.

I feel bad for the kid who's stuck in the middle, but I don't see how it's wrong for this guy to say "no, thank you".

I have spent a considerable amount of time helping to raise other people's children, not by choice, but the guys who don't want to be involved, it's probably better they're not, and unfortunately, the guys too interested in doing so are suspect.

[–]tiny-brown-mug 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Excellent point. I think I saw a post on here indicating that the overwhelming majority of child sexual abuse was inflicted by the mom's boyfriend, or a step-dad. Yeah, like 70% of the abuse. Yikes.

You're a good guy to help raise other people's kids. If you have that calling and it's something you can do, go for it. You seem to take really good care of your niece, and that's awesome. Musky's a good uncle.

I just think it's interesting that all men are now expected to help raise a kid who isn't theirs in exchange for the "privilege" of having sex with a woman who's maybe not great at making long-term decisions, or can't keep it together with the guy who helped her bring a kid into the world.

[–]Musky[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You're a good guy to help raise other people's kids. If you have that calling and it's something you can do, go for it. You seem to take really good care of your niece, and that's awesome. Musky's a good uncle.

Oh lord no, that's certainly not my calling. Children annoy the hell out of me. And frankly, when Uncle Musky is having to watch the kids, it's more of a last resort sort of thing. Still, I don't think I've screwed any of them up, although pretty sure I don't deserve any accolades.

I just think it's interesting that all men are now expected to help raise a kid who isn't theirs in exchange for the "privilege" of having sex with a woman who's maybe not great at making long-term decisions, or can't keep it together with the guy who helped her bring a kid into the world.

At a certain age there aren't many women left who don't already have children. Or there's a reason they don't.