A reading of "Mary had a little lamb", by edward.

submitted by humancorpse from files.catbox.moe

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[–]humancorpse[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (24 children)

It's me.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (23 children)

maybe you should get into voice over work

[–]humancorpse[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (22 children)

you seem to have missed that i am a terminal patient.

when a man has only a few moments to live, starting a new career is not high on the list of priorities.

i wanna get my software nailed and then if i am still alive i am gonna raise some capital and live the life of a baller.

for real.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0lByEmGkkU

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

i don't even believe you, all you do is cry wolf. nice scene and movie.

[–]humancorpse[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

i believe everything you say.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swBDlOk0V6Y

[–]humancorpse[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

you sound like a child when you say "i dont believe you"..

[–]NodeThis is my flair. There are many like it, but this one is mine. 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

i dont believe you

But seriously...

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

Whatever you're dying of, there is a solution.

[–]humancorpse[S] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

My lungs are black from smoking.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

How much do you have for the cure for cancer?

[–]NodeThis is my flair. There are many like it, but this one is mine. 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (13 children)

Dang, I saw a movie about that. Which terminal do you live in?

[–]humancorpse[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (6 children)

hey node... are you talking about this guy that got stuck in an airport for something like eighteen years?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQfXd1YlkS4

[–]NodeThis is my flair. There are many like it, but this one is mine. 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

That guy, but there are others. I think there's even a recent hollyweird movie about it.

[–]humancorpse[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

i got held up in indonesia a couple of years ago... i couldnt get my bank card to work internationally and i couldnt renew my visa... it almost went sideways on me.

i was at the airport in jakarta.

my marriage to this awesome lady in bogor was a complete disaster.. anything that could have went wrong, it went wrong..

i think she just died.. she was very active on facebook.. her picture looked very bad on facebook for a few months.. and then her entire facebook went offline.

her name is suryani .

i used to call her princess suryani.

[–]NodeThis is my flair. There are many like it, but this one is mine. 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

Is your real name Keyser Söze? You're picking all of these stories out of bits of comments, aren't you. Like from the bulletin board in the cops office...

All of my stories are real, but I have to leave out most of the good parts.

it almost went sideways on me.

I've gone sideways quite a few times, and usually with more success than this guy.

Lawns don't seem very popular there. But everytime I see someone obsessively hiding their head, it makes me think of the tim pool.

Was she the one in the front or back? Nice redaction technique, btw.

[–]humancorpse[S] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

pretty much all of my stories that seem like trolling arent really trolling at all.. maybe you could think fo my stories more as a form of creative writing.. even tho my writing skills suck donkey ass because my formal education goes all the way up to and including the eighth grade.

i am the first member of my family to get a full formal education.

[–]NodeThis is my flair. There are many like it, but this one is mine. 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Only eighth grade? Pffft. I made it to the tenth grade before being accosted by the school VP in the hall. When I whipped my class schedule out of my shirt pocket on demand, what appeared to be a 'marijuana joint' flew out along with it and hit the vice principal in the chest.

[–]humancorpse[S] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

I will be dead, soon enough.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

Question is, would you rather live?

[–]humancorpse[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I am leaning the other way.

[–]NodeThis is my flair. There are many like it, but this one is mine. 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Due to your personal condition, because of the globalhomo, or both?

Are you actually terminal, in a 'near-term' sense, or is that part of the troll? We're all terminal. It's hard to say whether living most of ones life during peak civilization was better, because getting old af makes joining the war pretty unlikely.

[–]humancorpse[S] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

a few months ago, my breathing had become more and more difficult... i had been smoking a lot of 4k's cigars.. i almost suffocated.. a fire truck was on site for something else.. they put me on oxygen.. i now use inhalers.. my lungs are very messed up.. my lungs regularly seize up.. if i should forget and leave my inhaler at home and they seize while i am out and about, i think that i might die..

i am not trolling, btw, i have a mental disorder. and you show me NO KINDNESS WHAT SO EVER.

my humor, which some say is funny, is the result of my clinical diagnosis as a sociopath with a narcissistic antisocial personality disorder and i am also intermittently explosive which means that i can erupt on a moments notice... ie, i have a fairly short fuse and it is beyond my control.

i am a brilliant software engineer. C language is my preference.

https://files.catbox.moe/jyph3z.jpg

[–]NodeThis is my flair. There are many like it, but this one is mine. 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Cigars are gross. You should have smoked something enjoyable like Kuda Kreteks. If you're gonna wreck your lungs, might as well make it worthwhile.

i have a mental disorder. and you show me NO KINDNESS WHAT SO EVER.

Oh, shit. The only reason they didn't kill that kid in the library at Columbine was because he was one of the few who showed them kindness. So here I will recommend you find one or more alternatives to an inhaler. Pills? What if you drop it and it falls through a sewer grate? At least carry spares.

Having watched quite a few self-termination videos, I can recommend the swan dive from a great height as the most successful, and least likely to fail. It's pretty bad when you fail, are even worse off, but no longer capable of ending it. Opiate overdoses can work if large enough. Opening a nitrogen tank in a small room can also do the trick, but both of these can be interrupted.

I was going out the heart attack route, but they showed up and apparently carted me off to the shop, where they did some repairs. Still though, at least in my case, a very easy way to go, with little pain. Just 'ate a hot pepper' level, then blackness.

Btw, do you happen to remember what you were doing when you heard kennedy was shot?