DiscussionLesbians, are you afraid of each other?

submitted by PatsyStoneMaverique from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–]reluctant_commenter 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

This is a question I've been wondering about for a long time, but was too polite too ask. No point holding my tongue now!

I hope people here are still interested in sticking to the same general rules of civility. That being said, I don't think it's rude of you to ask a question like this. Especially in the context of that thread posted the other day.

I won't be able to respond more until later tonight, but I wanted to give a (relatively) quick answer to your question. Here is my experience, as a single (1) lesbian data point: I am not "afraid" of other lesbian women, as a demographic. I am, however, distrustful of women who self-identify as lesbian and who act in bad-faith. Some of them are actually lesbian, but many are not. In particular, women who claim to be lesbian and:

  • ...obsess over how much they "hate men" (extremist radfems playing pretend)

  • ...obsess over how "soft" they are and talk about "titties" or "girldicks" (autogynephilic men playing pretend)

  • ...obsess over how much they dislike bisexuals (edgelords who are actually lesbian, in some cases, but in many cases are also extremist radfems, following in the wake of their lord Lady and Savior Julie Bindel)

I know this probably isn't the answer you want to hear, but it's my honest opinion: I think that in non-TRA "lesbian" spaces, the voices of "political lesbians"-- that is, extremist radical feminists-- often drown out the voices of real lesbian women.

Are some lesbian women actually biphobic? Yes. I've never met any IRL. But I know they must exist, because I have a friend IRL who's a beautiful bisexual woman and when she started listing herself as "bisexual" on the dating apps, her matches with women suddenly halved. Why else would that happen?

But no, I'm not afraid of people in my own demographic. I'm heartbroken that it's so hard to find more of them that I can talk to and bond with, and I dearly value the ones who I've had the honor of talking to. <3

[–]reluctant_commenter 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

I'll add, before I forget... this is not a new observation, but it seems to be often forgotten. There have been tensions within LGB communities and movements regarding bisexual/homosexual relations. It seems to be a kind of weakness in our collective armor. I ask myself: "If I were a trans activist who hates those evil, trans-hating people in the LGB movement, what's the best, most effective way I could divide them and make them doubt themselves?" By splitting up the letters, of course. I think the most effective ways to do this are:

  1. based on sex-- split up LB women and GB men.

  2. based on sexual orientation-- split up homosexuals and bisexuals.

So I have trouble discerning, sometimes, what tensions are organic and what tensions are... manufactured, for lack of a better word.

That doesn't reduce the harm caused by a biphobic or homophobic comment, to be clear. But I think that observation does have some important implications for how we might solve this problem in our communities.

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Could you, or any of the lesbians on this forum, please speak to MyLongestJourney and explain to her why the way she treated me on this thread is unacceptable.

[–]reluctant_commenter 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Do you mean this response? I don't think she was being rude; she was just answering the question in the title, and also adding information about what she is afraid of.

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

In that particularly comment string she addressed my In a derisive way repeatedly, which is dehumanizing. If I snarled "my dear lesbian" at you or sassed you and then asked "satisfied, lesbian?" you would feel belittled and dehumanized, yes?

The thing that has gotten me upset enough to drag other lesbians into this is that she asked for details about an assault and then was up her own ass feeling like a victim and mocked me over it. Evil.

Why does that need explaining? I want an apology from her, or at least for her to delete that comment. She's isn't a feminist or a "lover of women." I want to be treated with respect and compassion. I am also female.

[–]MyLongestJourney 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

You are not getting any kind of apology,because you made an inflammatory post with the intent to sow discord in this community. Previously you described this sub as dead and expressed the wish it was shut down.If I were a mod you would get banned and topics which pit the members of the community against each other (gays vs lesbians,lesbians vs bisexuals and lesbian against lesbians) would be forbidden by the rules.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You don't owe anyone an apology. You are being totally reasonable.