Chit-ChatSunday Social - open chat!

submitted by [deleted] from (self.LGBDropTheT)

In-between moments of righteous activism, we all have lives we attend to. What did you do last week, or what are your plans this week? Watching any good movies or shows? Go on any dates? Struggling with, or achieved, any major life goals? Survive any alien invasions?

Do you want to promote a new sub, or discuss topics that otherwise get removed? Do you want to introduce yourself, but are feeling too shy to make your own post?

Feel free to share here!

NOTE: our Rules are relaxed, but not gone entirely. Be excellent to each other!

all 10 comments
sorted by:
top
newinsightfulfun

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

A few months back I posted about trying to break away from my ex who has BPD. I felt like I was Katie Holmes breaking out of the Church of Scientology. The last several months absolutely felt like a hostage situation. Anyway, I'm proud to say it's been over a month since she's gotten any response from me and a month and a half since I last saw her. I am finally over ever wanting anything to do with her again. Taking that space for myself allowed me to see that things were even worse than I realized and the full extent to which I was being purposely manipulated and isolated. It was destabilizing and draining, but I'm out of the fog. Of course, she still finds ways to get around my blocking her and send me cryptic messages that vary between self pity and shaming, but they just confirm exactly why I needed to get out of there.

In lighter news, I usually do not like dating but this week a switch flipped in me and I seem to have entered a bit of a hoe phase of casual dating and hook-ups. I'm enjoying it since I've been missing feeling connected to gay people IRL though the last thing I want or need right now is a committed relationship. I went on two fun dates this weekend and hooked up with both (on different days). Both were lesbians also recently out of relationships visiting my city for the weekend so it was the perfect casual scenario. They were very different but equally positive and satisfying experiences. The first straight up looked like Miss Universe complete with slight South American accent and we had a lot in common. The second was more toward the butch end and she actually brought up gender stuff of her own accord a few times, but in a skeptical way so I was surprised but delighted. I didn't dive deep into the topic because I was out to have a good time, but she did bring up people trying to convince her that she was something other than a woman and being pressured to put pronouns in her signature, which she thought was pointless virtue-signaling nonsense.

Meeting other sane lesbians and experiencing normality and a nice connection was just so refreshing. Makes me want to spend some weekends in other cities and hang out with normal lesbians and bisexual women there.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Good for you and getting out of the fog! It's not easy being with a partner who has a mental illness, and it can be draining and change even the best things about us. I'm happy to hear you're getting better!

To your hoe phase ... well .. there are cliches and silly sayings about it, but I do honestly believe - when we get out of a long-term relationship that had a stranglehold on us, we go a little mad sexually. It's like the lights go on in our brains, and then the pussy floodgate opens up as we realize the entire world is available again, and we throw ourselves right at all of them, LOL

It's a way for us to just focus on ourselves for once, and remember that other different things and people and experiences exist. Have some fun for YOU, and be honest with yourself and other women while you do so, and all is good. I'm glad you met some sane ladies along the way too.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks for the support! I am definitely keeping it above board and explicitly spell out my situation and motives in my dating profiles. I don't like when others make me play guessing games or bait and switch me, so I make sure to be forthright on my end. And i know this phase won't last forever and eventually I'll want a partner again, but I will hopefully make some nice memories while it lasts.

[–]GayPartisan 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I finished a lengthy review of an Advocate article pushing transman sex on the Gay community using a lot of rhetorical tactics. It was exhausting. Then I realized that the most important thing was the omission of the issue of pregnacy. I reviewed three articles in writing the short piece, and last night a 4th article pushing transman sex and realized that pregnancy and birth control is omitted. After this realization, I wondered how I didn't think of this before.

What this should tell you, is that in any area of research or writing often the obvious is right before you and you don't see it.

So I broke out this single topic which I think is very powerful exploding the pretenses of the "homogender" ideologues. Not everyone is going to read a 13-page breakdown of transman propaganda.

[–]GayPartisan 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

One issue I see as undermining the effort to stop the replacement of homosexual with "homogender" is too much focus on the crazy assertions these trans ideologues make, and also just reacting reflexively.

I think it needs to be examined what empowered these trans ideologues such that they can repress the Lesbian and Gay communities. I think to some extent it is an assimilationist idea that being Lesbian or Gay is a private thing in a box, and we can lump trans in with other sexual minorities.

I also think there is a social worker complex of self interest. They want an expanding list of issues so they have an expanding list of social services. I call it Queer Inc. and I am just starting the idea.

I think we need to have a theoretical foundation, just rolling our eyes up at the latest excess isn't going to be enough.

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I think we need to have a theoretical foundation, just rolling our eyes up at the latest excess isn't going to be enough.

I'm in complete agreement; the transologists have the power, so we've gotta have the brains. Particularly because this is their weakness. The argument for transgenderism (such as it is) rests entirely on emotion: misplaced compassion, prejudice (sexism, homophobia, biphobia), narcissism, and fear. It can't withstand rationality. To take it down, our position needs to be well thought-out, lucid, and solid... in short, everything that theirs is not.

Which doesn't mean that there's no room for snarking when genderism shows its ass! We need to keep morale up, after all. Just as long as we don't lose sight of our long-term goal.

Glad to meet a fellow theoretician, Sir! Welcome to La Resistance :)

[–]GayPartisan 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Snarking is fine. However, for some, that is all they do as their full program. I also plan not to get pulled into sexological and gender debates in terms of the theories. The whole history is that they constantly shift and are often wholesale overthrown. What I am looking at is how are they enabled to be in power, to have power. It comes out of the modern neoliberal university and their gender studies departments. What are the reasons is it supported so widely, why are we in a position of being a fighting minority. Argue about the gender identity theories if you want, I think that is probably important. I want to understand why we are arguing at all, when Gay men make up most of the LGBTQXYZ, and are the financial basis of the Pride Parades and the custmers of the ads that fund the Alphabet Soup press.

[–]hufflepuff-poet 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It's been a rough week in a really tough year for me. Grad school is overwhelming and I've been shame spiraling for months, finally reached a head this past week and I had a breakdown in front of my mentors :( Found out my cat has stage 4 kidney disease and now I'm worried about his health. Feels like I'm drowning and I don't know when I'll get to breathe again.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through so much :( I know it's not the same as really good IRL hug and a cry, but please know you can talk with us and share and unload.

I can't relate to grad school, I bailed out of college because it was too much while working. But I'd love to see pictures and/or hear stories of your cat, if you want to share. Pets are family to me.

I'll also listen if you want to discuss your stress and shame-spiraling too, of course. I just know when I reach a really low point, I want to talk about something that makes me smile a bit - so am offering up some happy space with condolences.

[–]Datachost 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

One of New Zealand's women's players managed to score a perfect hat trick of own goals, which is almost impressively shit. It's one thing to score an own goal, that can happen, almost every defender has had an unlucky deflection at some point. To be able to score three, one with your right foot, one with your left and a header, almost suggests you're playing the wrong position