A few months back I posted about trying to break away from my ex who has BPD. I felt like I was Katie Holmes breaking out of the Church of Scientology. The last several months absolutely felt like a hostage situation. Anyway, I'm proud to say it's been over a month since she's gotten any response from me and a month and a half since I last saw her. I am finally over ever wanting anything to do with her again. Taking that space for myself allowed me to see that things were even worse than I realized and the full extent to which I was being purposely manipulated and isolated. It was destabilizing and draining, but I'm out of the fog. Of course, she still finds ways to get around my blocking her and send me cryptic messages that vary between self pity and shaming, but they just confirm exactly why I needed to get out of there.

In lighter news, I usually do not like dating but this week a switch flipped in me and I seem to have entered a bit of a hoe phase of casual dating and hook-ups. I'm enjoying it since I've been missing feeling connected to gay people IRL though the last thing I want or need right now is a committed relationship. I went on two fun dates this weekend and hooked up with both (on different days). Both were lesbians also recently out of relationships visiting my city for the weekend so it was the perfect casual scenario. They were very different but equally positive and satisfying experiences. The first straight up looked like Miss Universe complete with slight South American accent and we had a lot in common. The second was more toward the butch end and she actually brought up gender stuff of her own accord a few times, but in a skeptical way so I was surprised but delighted. I didn't dive deep into the topic because I was out to have a good time, but she did bring up people trying to convince her that she was something other than a woman and being pressured to put pronouns in her signature, which she thought was pointless virtue-signaling nonsense.

Meeting other sane lesbians and experiencing normality and a nice connection was just so refreshing. Makes me want to spend some weekends in other cities and hang out with normal lesbians and bisexual women there.