Indoctrination / DoublethinkThe evidence she's really a gay man was there all the time

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[–]CaptainMooseEx-Bathhouse Employee 25 insightful - 7 fun25 insightful - 6 fun26 insightful - 7 fun -  (10 children)

"I thought I was a lesbian because I wanted to fuck gay men."

That's not how being a lesbian works in the slightest, you moron.

[–][deleted] 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

It's the lesbian master doc thing. It says if you're only attracted to unavailable or fictional men then you're a lesbian. Of course the whole thing was written by a bisexual woman trying to speak for lesbians, but that doesn't matter, it's still spammed all over lesbian spaces online whenever anyone is questioning their sexuality.

The whole thing is dumb. The reason young straight girls like those kind of men is because they aren't sexualizing them the same way straight boys their age do. It's so clearly a straight/bi girl experience that's being pushed onto lesbians online because some self hating bisexual woman couldn't accept her sexuality.

[–]soundsituationI myself was once a gay 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It says if you're only attracted to unavailable or fictional men then you're a lesbian.

Yeah that's an attachment issue thing (or just a youth thing for some), not a homosexual thing.

[–]hellonumpty 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

So many women use that master doc along with "comp het" to justify why they were always lesbians all along, just like the woman in the post linked ^ is doing with justifying why she thinks she was always a gay man. I think the master doc is a beacon to women who have issues with men, straight men in particular. I guess the idea of being a lesbian but still being able to fancy unavailable men feels safe to a lot of these women.

I think the few women I've seen online speak about going from lesbian (but are actually bisexual or even straight) to gay trans man use both identities as shields from dealing with their issues around straight men. It's just that I guess over time they've figured that being a gay trans man allows them to openly fancy men and even act on those attractions when they are ready - act on it with ''safe'' men, of course - and that's better for them in the long run.

[–]Athelhilda4Questioning 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

It says if you're only attracted to unavailable or fictional men then you're a lesbian.

In all fairness, it can be difficult sometimes to tell if you're attracted to someone or if you admire that person in a nonsexual way. I've liked lots of men in fiction, I'm just not sexually attracted to them, both in real life and in fiction.

[–]soundsituationI myself was once a gay 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

That's interesting, and it's interesting to see how many people here share your experience, judging from the upvotes this comment received. Desire is such a strong and distinct feeling for me that recognizing attraction (or lack thereof) is easy. Personal question, but do you have a low libido?

[–]Athelhilda4Questioning 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I'm not sure. My childhood was not ideal and I struggle to form relationships in general, so I assume my difficulties with determining attraction is more of a mental issue rather than a libido issue. Although I have considered that I might be asexual.

[–]INeedSomeTimeAsexual Ally 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Well the way you put how you usually just appreciate male characters feels also familiar to me. Never been into fictional characters in a sexual way. I don't even like seeing NSFW art of them. They are just meh or often out of character. It's often bizarre thing to see.

[–]soundsituationI myself was once a gay 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Sorry for the late response. That makes sense. I have a pretty strict definition of attraction. It's not just thinking someone is hot, admiring them, or even a combination of the two; it's literally and specifically sexual attraction, i.e. knowing you want to have sex with someone. Visual appeal is part of that, as are admiration and respect, but it's also about the way they move, the way they smell, the way we connect, how much I trust them...a bunch of things, really, many of which take time to realize. If you struggle to form relationships in general it's easy to see why you might have trouble reaching that level of certainty.

[–]Athelhilda4Questioning 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I was under the impression that sexual attraction was something that you feel immediately when you see someone you find visually appealing, like thinking your waiter or a classmate is cute. It hadn’t occurred to me that it might be something that takes time to develop.

[–]soundsituationI myself was once a gay 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah for women it's generally not like that. If someone doesn't have a strong need for emotional connection I could see the waiter/classmate hypotheticals working out, because in those situations it's at least possible to get a sense of body language and personality and maybe even mutual interest, but that's still not an immediate visual response.