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[–]soundsituationI myself was once a gay 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Sorry for the late response. That makes sense. I have a pretty strict definition of attraction. It's not just thinking someone is hot, admiring them, or even a combination of the two; it's literally and specifically sexual attraction, i.e. knowing you want to have sex with someone. Visual appeal is part of that, as are admiration and respect, but it's also about the way they move, the way they smell, the way we connect, how much I trust them...a bunch of things, really, many of which take time to realize. If you struggle to form relationships in general it's easy to see why you might have trouble reaching that level of certainty.

[–]Athelhilda4Questioning 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I was under the impression that sexual attraction was something that you feel immediately when you see someone you find visually appealing, like thinking your waiter or a classmate is cute. It hadn’t occurred to me that it might be something that takes time to develop.

[–]soundsituationI myself was once a gay 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah for women it's generally not like that. If someone doesn't have a strong need for emotional connection I could see the waiter/classmate hypotheticals working out, because in those situations it's at least possible to get a sense of body language and personality and maybe even mutual interest, but that's still not an immediate visual response.