Men's IssuesI don't feel welcome anywhere as a gay man

submitted by [deleted] from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–][deleted] 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

In general it's why I am kinda cautious of these movements even if I support the principal behind this movement. The fact that TRAs throw the term TERF around doesn't mean actual misandristic rad fems don't exist. Whether you argue they have "power" is kinda irrelevant to me as I just hold anyone that dares to reduce people down to their identities with contempt. It's the same issue I have with the trans movement as well.

Plus I don't hate people who are trans outside of those that intrude on others spaces and make threats. If anything the reason I think it's important to be skeptical of both who gets defined as "trans" and treatment is to avoid tons of innocent people being gaslight into drugs that won't deal with the various problems and insecurities that plague them.

Though I understand not feeling you ever fit into the stereotype group you should belong to. One of the many reasons I was denial about being bi was that I didn't really care for what often got sold to be as LGBT culture by the mass media. In large it may be seen as sitting on the fence but I think it's important not to anchor yourself to any organization or group and just stay true to your values. It's not like fitting in or not changes your sexuality.

I will say that while plenty of say bad MTF are influenced by misogynistic beliefs plenty are also misandristic. There are a lot of issues I think especially boys confront early on that don't give them proper role models from a young age and where they can't feel secure in themselves as men. In the more progressive wings being a straight dude can be seen as a sin. Way too many people here just want to argue all these issues are just down to misogyny.

Even for FTMs they just argue it's body hatred caused by misogynistic views regarding woman's bodies and while true for some they ignore how fetishtic those communities can be no different than MTFs. They also do ignore many guys try to transition also partially due to body hate or insecurity.

Partially the reason I created this account at all was to show not every dude with AGP is some misogynistic bastard with a porn addiction issue shoving it into everyone's face and wanting to rape lesbians.

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Partially the reason I created this account at all was to show not every dude with AGP is some misogynistic bastard with a porn addiction issue shoving it into everyone's face and wanting to rape lesbians.

I'm glad you did! Also, I've got a bi male friend who has AGP (albeit probably a mild case), in no way considers himself a woman, and is TERFy af (vocal about how dudes-with-ladyfeelz are NOT women, need to stay out of women's spaces/sports, and leave lesbians the hell alone). It probably helps that his AGP (he himself refers to it as such) is something that he does not feel good about (regards it as an embarrassment).

All of which is to say... yeah, it's not so much the AGP itself as how a guy handles it. Of course, all too many handle it in creepy, predatory, bullying ways, unfortunately.

[–][deleted] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah my hope is that by being at least more open about it without shame some will realize it for what is a weird sexual fetish or obsession instead of trying to "legitimize it" through the trans movement. It is even more annoying some might even view my comments as being some secret egg that needs to be cracked.

Personally it's not really an obsession it's just sometimes I want to be GNC and see myself this way. I like being a guy though 90% of the time and I am happy with who I am. A ton of stuff I am happy I don't have to deal with that women do have to.

I honestly think it only developed due to being insecure about being bi which is why in large for me unlike say a lot of people that fantasize about being a lesbian for me it's more being a straight woman. There is also the desire of wanting to be with say a dude I care about but it still being kinda socially iffy for me to do so and if I was a woman I wouldn't have to worry about that. Honestly that line of thinking is how many LGB individuals are being gaslighted into life altering stuff.

Regardless I think society has to come to that reckoning and I hope it's not because of tons of detrans people who have had their lives ruined due to medical malpractice. You can't change biological sex we don't live in some super advanced sci fi world there are many limitations on what we can do with the human body. Personally I am someone who can find say men who try to be very feminine and women masculine attractive but I can't lie in both cases the reasons why they are attractive to me is not the same reason why a typical woman or man would be attractive. Injecting hormones is not giving you a cyberpunk redo of your body.

In large I don't like know the bad stigma associated with the term though I do understand why.

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Between your friend, Coruscant, and me (with AAP) I'm starting to wonder if there's a correlation between bisexuality and AGP/AAP lol.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You would think but honestly especially with the recent trans movement it seems like a lot of people seem to be straight. It's something to look at though I suppose it's not like there isn't plenty of stuff at least on the AGP side that if you project into the feminine perspective would easily be considered very bi in nature or exploring at least. I can't say for AAP.

That said the amount of trans people trying to co-op the gay or lesbian communities likely because they are straight goes against that view I have. Then again maybe it's more about sexual validation than anything else IDK.

[–]reluctant_commenter 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I will say that while plenty of say bad MTF are influenced by misogynistic beliefs plenty are also misandristic. There are a lot of issues I think especially boys confront early on that don't give them proper role models from a young age and where they can't feel secure in themselves as men. In the more progressive wings being a straight dude can be seen as a sin. Way too many people here just want to argue all these issues are just down to misogyny.

Even for FTMs they just argue it's body hatred caused by misogynistic views regarding woman's bodies and while true for some they ignore how fetishtic those communities can be no different than MTFs. They also do ignore many guys try to transition also partially due to body hate or insecurity.

Completely agree. I worry a lot that mainstream media outlets, when they do report on an alternate take from the trans lobby's creed, do not incorporate these details. The picture is more nuanced than just "girls hate themselves so they transition, okay we're done we've solved the transgender debate!!"