I'm saying that since gender is a set of societal expectations and that they can conform to those expectations by playing the expected role. It's much more obvious in a hierarchical structure like if the people have a right wing political mindset. When the religious right fought us on marriage equality their primary argument was about the "choice" of homosexuality.

To most gay people this idea of "choice" doesn't make any sense, especially to those of us with more of a left wing political mindset. We don't choose to be sexually attracted to the same sex. The issue at hand is the actual performance of the gender vs attraction.

If you detach it from any political mindset and just have a gay person exist in a vacuum then they realize that they are same sex attracted.

It's absolutely possible for a gay person to be fully gender conforming in a different gender system and I do think we had been making significant progress in that direction. If society were to stop viewing men as being inferior for acting out on their sexual attraction then they could be conforming.

Gender changes based on whatever society expects from men and women so it could change over time. It's why many gender critical people want to push for the idea of eliminating gender. So that men and women can just exist without being pressured into acting out an expected role in society.

Full elimination would be nearly impossible but we could much more easily open up what is considered acceptable for the roles we play... Unfortunately the TRAs are creating the opposite problem where gender is heavily enforced with the idea that they get to magically ignore how society views them and identify their way into any new imagined gender then demand to be recognized as such. Their mindset requires that genders exist in order to claim they "are a gender" which doesn't even make any sense. No one can be a gender.