LifestyleWhat is a "True Friend"?

submitted by PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑 from self.LGBDropTheT

Hello, this isn't like my usual posts but just been curious on how you define a "true friend?"

{{EDIT: here's a new thumbnail lol}}

Also, please share your definition of the below:

  • Acquaintances

  • Friends

  • Best Friend

  • Close Friend

  • Work friends

In which order would you rank them? Feel free to add your own category or remove the preexisting ones.

See this for an example of what I mean: 4 Levels of Friendship and Friendship Peer-a-mid

Found this interesting graph too: Does this friendship make sense?

This website goes more in-depth about friendships: 10 Types of Odd Friendships You’re Probably Part Of

Personally, been having a hard time making friends. My friendships end up being toxic like my former pansexual coworker with stalker tendencies.

I met a new friend at work, I think she's bisexual, because her current partner is female and she has grandkids(so past partner may have been male unless surrogacy? Idk but I don't ask). I'm nervous to make a big leap in friendship and she wants to hangout already when we barely met. Though, it's a bit of cultural thing to be honest. She is same race as my partner and they are very friendly and open people. I am rather quiet and reserved in comparison.

A few of my new coworkers are a bit...off. I met one that treats me different and asks me weird questions like "Is English your second language? Are you from XYZ country? I can help you with training!! I READ SUPER FAST." Okay...then she always calls me by my first name instead of the American nickname I use and it's just a bit uncomfortable.

My american friend say that person is being racist asking those questions but idk if it's racist or she's just a really strange & uncomfortable person. This person talks much about how "perfect" her life is all the time it's not comfy lol.

EDIT: Then I meet other coworker who speaks my language and I thought he was cool until he mentioned how he wants to cheat on his girlfriend/wife because she's abusive(ex. Breaks his shit, uses his money, verbally abusive)...instead of just leaving her. But he said he won't leave because they have kids so...okay...And talks about watching his female friends using Only fans accounts and wanting to subscribe....

Anyways, these people warm up to me very quickly and want to hang out soon or talk to me all the time and that is overwhelming to me and it scares me slightly due to my past experiences with toxic people.

Feel free to share any thoughts about friendship, whether it be good friends, bad friends, childhood friends, or what you're seeking in a friend, etc.

Edit: word

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[–]reluctant_commenter 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Haha, I love that your posts always get votes but far fewer replies. You ask tough but good questions!

I dunno if I actually agree with that friendship graph-- the "Healthy but Not Enjoyable" friendships. That kind of suggests to me that they might not actually be that healthy. I think it's fair to say that healthy relationships don't always feel good because sometimes the going gets tough and sometimes people just have a rough time. But I think they ought to feel good, even if they don't feel intoxicating in the way that an unhealthy, emotionally volatile friendship might be able to make you feel.

A few of my new coworkers are a bit...off. I met one that treats me different and asks me weird questions like "Is English your second language? Are you from XYZ country? I can help you with training!! I READ SUPER FAST." Okay...then she always calls me by my first name instead of the American nickname I use and it's just a bit uncomfortable

That's really bizarre... I'm sorry you've had to deal with that from her. She ought to read the room, ya know? Sounds racist even. Think you'll have to work with her regularly?

My american friend say that person is being racist asking those questions but idk if it's racist or she's just a really strange & uncomfortable person. This person talks much about how "perfect" her life is all the time it's not comfy lol.

Yeah that's what I thought lol. But I don't have the context obv. At the very least, even if it is not intentionally judging or stereotyping, those are still some pretty big assumptions to make and they're making you feel uncomfortable, and that matters.

thought he was cool until he mentioned how he wants to cheat on his girlfriend/wife because she's abusive(ex. Breaks his shit, uses his money, verbally abusive)...instead of just leaving her. But he said he won't leave because they have kids so...okay..

I hate that excuse lol, that's a non-excuse in my book. Just my opinion lol. Better for kids to see a healthy mutual parting and their parents growing/healing beyond a relationship that didn't work.

My friendships end up being toxic like my former pansexual coworker with stalker tendencies.

Mine used to be more like that, but over time I realized that I was gravitating towards some really toxic people because I was terrible about asserting my own boundaries, and these (former) friends knew it and didn't care and walked all over it. I ended up cutting off a lot of them, the ones who weren't happy when I started asserting myself more, and then slowly started to build up a core group of friends again. It's been tough but I would definitely do it over again if I had to. My daily stress levels have way improved.

Anyways, these people warm up to me very quickly and want to hang out soon or talk to me all the time and that is overwhelming to me and it scares me slightly due to my past experiences with toxic people.

Yeah that would definitely set off alarm bells for me too. Although I am very cautious about making friends after my bad experiences haha. I like to sometimes ask myself some simple questions:

  • Do I feel heard, in this relationship? Or does this person actually seem to give a shit about stuff I say?

  • Do I feel relaxed when I'm with this person? Or do I feel tense and think of other things I would rather be doing than talking to them specifically?

Just kinda stuff like that. :)

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I dunno if I actually agree with that friendship graph-- the "Healthy but Not Enjoyable" friendships. That kind of suggests to me that they might not actually be that healthy. I think it's fair to say that healthy relationships don't always feel good because sometimes the going gets tough and sometimes people just have a rough time. But I think they ought to feel good, even if they don't feel intoxicating in the way that an unhealthy, emotionally volatile friendship might be able to make you feel.

When I think of "Healthy & Not Enjoyable" I think of that overly optimistic Olly friend to where they're nice and supportive and "good for you", but you have to keep up with their "energy" and fake the positivity back at them. That's how I feel toward that coworker that wants to hangout with me...she's SUPER positive and happy all the time while I'm cynical lol. I get a bit uncomfortable around positive people...People think I'm happy or optimistic because I'm a class clown, but jokes help me get by my shitty days lol.

The Perfect Housewife™ coworker is really awkward to talk to lol. Apart from making those race comments, she's always trying to garner "likes' by posting gifs in work group chat or saying certain things to get it...as I mentioned, I'm a clown, I post stupid shit to get by and people put laughing emojis or whatever the fuck on my posts. As soon as I do, she tries to add on to get likes---she does that to other people too if they got a lot of likes lol. It's noticeable to me because she may just reiterate what someone else said in her wording....then she tried to say her kid wanted to see her ugly ass coworkers faces on camera, I'm pretty sure the kid doesn't give a shit about us and our sweatpants-wearing, ass scratching selves either and it was all her trying to put attention on herself again. Lol

As for Same-Language-Speaking-Womanizer™ coworker...I just steer away from his weird talk about Only fans acc or looking at other women and change the subject. We were in the same training class, but since we're done with training, we'll be going our separate ways anyways lol. Yeah, his excuse is retarded, if you don't like someone or have issues with them, leave instead of cheating damn.

Mine used to be more like that, but over time I realized that I was gravitating towards some really toxic people because I was terrible about asserting my own boundaries, and these (former) friends knew it and didn't care and walked all over it. I ended up cutting off a lot of them, the ones who weren't happy when I started asserting myself more, and then slowly started to build up a core group of friends again. It's been tough but I would definitely do it over again if I had to. My daily stress levels have way improved.

Toxic friends are basically like "respect my irrational boundaries to overstep yours!!!". I've dealt with a lot of that too, and they HATE assertiveness. I need to go to staying low profile so I don't get bothered by people. It's good that your stress levels have improved after cutting off the toxic relationships.

Yeah that would definitely set off alarm bells for me too. Although I am very cautious about making friends after my bad experiences haha. I like to sometimes ask myself some simple questions:

  • Do I feel heard, in this relationship? Or does this person actually seem to give a shit about stuff I say?

  • Do I feel relaxed when I'm with this person? Or do I feel tense and think of other things I would rather be doing than talking to them specifically?

I honestly just feel like hiding in a hole than have people asking me to hangout. I guess...I rather have more control over it---if I ask someone to hangout, then that really means I want to be their friend..if they ask me first, it feels like obligation...I know it sounds kinda silly, but it shows what I really want or don't want. Same with asking out people, I rather make the first move than be chased after. I haven't had a delightful surprise of being asked to hangout/go out...it just feel much like obligation. I know I sound a bit like asshole, but it's just due to so many bad experienced I've had. Online wise tho, I don't mind people coming to me at all lol. I like to have online friends. It's just real life make me get the heebie-jeebies lol.

Haha, I love that your posts always get votes but far fewer replies. You ask tough but good questions!

Thank you! I like to switch up content a bit here and there. Some days I have many ideas at once and want to keep posting, but don't want to spam this subsaidit with long ass walls of text posts like mine lol. It's fun to make though hahaha.

[–]CuntWorshiperWomenholic full time | vagina fetishist part-time 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I make friends very easily but I have a hard time keeping them cause I move (to different cities) so much. I’m still in contact with some through internet but you know, they have a life going on so do I, we don’t have time to online chat all that much. I feel like I can make “friends” with most people very quickly but they rarely end up becoming real friends. Not that they are fake or I am fake, is just that most of the time we don’t become very close and confidents, which is normal. Speaking of close friends I made myself I rule, I can only have male close friends cause females always give me too much problem, I think I might be too needy so whenever a woman deeply care about me I end up in love with them, i don’t have self control and they are straight all the fucking time lol. I think that is what makes me feel very jealous and suspicious of the female friends of all girlfriends I had so far. I can‘t help but assume they will end up in love with their female friends, it’s probably projection. I’m not a controlling freak of course (most of the times I kept it all to myself, in the intention of not being controlling, which also wasn’t a good decision), but I can’t help feeling insecure about it. Does anyone else feel this, or something similar? Since most people, men and women, tend to befriend their own sex, is it harder for same sex couples not to feel jealous of their partner’s same sex friends? Or am I too jealous :/

[–]MarkJeffersonTight defenses and we draw the line 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

A True Friend

Seriously though. A True friend will be you through thick and thin. They will celebrate with you in your joys and share in your grief. They would not abandon you even if your troubles get to the point where it has already alienated everyone else around you. These are pretty high standards to be sure. I'd like to think that, if the true test for me ever came along, I would pass with flying colours.

Rank and brief definition:

1.Best Friend: Best friend is just a relative term, but hopefully they are also a True Friend™. Sometimes people just mean that when they say "Best Friend" though. No other friend is closer to you.

2.Close Friend: They will do things with you that doesn't necessarily benefit themselves or they enjoy just to make you happy. You can tell them private things you may not even tell close family members, and they will not blab.

3.Friends: You can relax together, have fun, and be mostly yourself around them, even ask them for personal advice. They will acquiesce to meeting you in different environments. There is still an expectation of reciprocity at this lower rank of friendship though.

4.Acquaintances/Work friends: Situational. You can enjoy their company and maybe even talk frankly to them, but you won't see them outside of a particular environment(unless you randomly bump into them) or outside of a shared interest, because the motivation beyond that is just not high enough.

Personally, been having a hard time making friends. My friendships end up being toxic like my former pansexual coworker with stalker tendencies.

That really sucks. I hope someone will come along who's not a creeper like that.

I have had a hard time making friends most of my life. I lose interest/motivation and don't follow through with them after multiple good beginnings. So they almost all never made it past rank #4. I think it's partly due to me losing friends when I was rather young due to circumstances beyond my control. So I became very guarded and cynical for many years after that, with a automatic tendency to not let things get past a certain stage.

I met a new friend at work, I think she's bisexual, because her current partner is female and she has grandkids(so past partner may have been male unless surrogacy? Idk but I don't ask). I'm nervous to make a big leap in friendship and she wants to hangout already when we barely met. Though, it's a bit of cultural thing to be honest. She is same race as my partner and they are very friendly and open people. I am rather quiet and reserved in comparison.

Same. Good luck with fostering this friendship if you do decide to take the leap and work on it further. This will sound kinda lame- but friendship is like a tree. They all start out small and vulnerable. And they need frequent care and attention or it'll either remain stunted, or perish after one bad spell. If you're an introvert, It's very hard at the beginning because you're basically working against all your natural instincts. I personally hated to follow-up on any friendships. Didn't want to do any of it. It's so much trouble. Tiring. And for what?

Well, Eventually I learned exactly what, but it would've never happened had my current close friend not be so stubborn and kept sending me emails to meet up(I didn't give him my number). And I had left them unanswered for weeks, even though I had already decided that I was going to make friends. But what an absolute brick wall my friend had to go through. But anyway, I digress. This was several years ago.

Eventually that small tree will become a big mature one, and will not need half as much tending to as before. It'll survive the coldest winters, blights, droughts, and long spans of neglect with nary a scratch. Not that friendship should be neglected if you can take the time to nurture it. I'm just saying that once it has become that hardy it'll be capable of surviving the very worst things that can happen in life.

EDIT: Then I meet other coworker who speaks my language and I thought he was cool until he mentioned how he wants to cheat on his girlfriend/wife because she's abusive(ex. Breaks his shit, uses his money, verbally abusive)...instead of just leaving her. But he said he won't leave because they have kids so...okay...And talks about watching his female friends using Only fans accounts and wanting to subscribe....

Lotta baggage there; Sounds like trouble to me.

Anyways, these people warm up to me very quickly and want to hang out soon or talk to me all the time and that is overwhelming to me and it scares me slightly due to my past experiences with toxic people.

I would say to be cautious around people which your own intuition suggests are dodgy. It's difficult to tell at the beginning though who's crazy and who's just quirky. Good luck.

[–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I also agree with your definitions of true friend/close friend/etc. And your assessment of the situation. And the tree metaphor. :)