Discussion[Questions] Therapy for LGB, Gender Identity/the T, SRS, & Conversions

submitted by PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑 from self.LGBDropTheT

Hello, was curious on your thoughts about therapy specific to LGB & gender as well as on a whole.

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Questions

1) Do you feel therapy is for everyone?

2) Have you gone to therapy?

  • 2a) Was it for LGB-related reasons? (If not, don't worry about explaining for privacy reasons)

3) What are your thoughts on gender therapy? Is it affective or not effective? Please explain. (Gender Therapy: assistance with gender identity issues)

  • 3a) Do you feel hormones and sex reassignment surgery is the best or most effective cure for gender dysphoria?

4) Do you feel there are adequate "LGB-friendly" therapy/counselling?

5) What are your thoughts on taking medication for mental health?

  • 5a) Do you feel taking hormones(for sex reassignment) is the same or different than medication?

6) Where you live, is therapy common or frowned upon?

  • 6a) Furthermore, is "Gay Conversion Therapy" common where you live? Have you experienced it firsthand or known others who experienced it?

Bonus

  • What are your overall thoughts on therapy?

  • Anything else you'd like to add?

EDIT: Here's a copy and paste of the questions if you want to retain the same format below.

# Questions

**1) Do you feel therapy is for everyone?**

**2) Have you gone to therapy?**

* *2a) Was it for LGB-related reasons? (If not, don't worry about explaining for privacy reasons)*


**3) What are your thoughts on gender therapy? Is it affective or not effective? Please explain.** (Gender Therapy: assistance with gender identity issues)

* *3a) Do you feel hormones and sex reassignment surgery is the best or most effective cure for gender dysphoria?*

**4) Do you feel there are adequate "LGB-friendly" therapy/counselling?**

**5) What are your thoughts on taking medication for mental health?**

* *5a) Do you feel taking hormones(for sex reassignment) is the same or different than medication?*

**6) Where you live, is therapy common or frowned upon?**

* *6a) Furthermore, is "Gay Conversion Therapy" common where you live? Have you experienced it firsthand or known others who experienced it?*


# Bonus

* ***What are your overall thoughts on therapy?***

* ***Anything else you'd like to add?***
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[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

1) Do you feel therapy is for everyone?

No. Mental health issues are immensely different and personal. For some, therapy may work wonders. For others, not so much.

2) Have you gone to therapy?

Yes, 2 times, briefly (not by choice, they dismissed me) & both were a negative experience that did more harm than helping.

2a) Was it for LGB-related reasons? (If not, don't worry about explaining for privacy reasons)

Technically part of it was, but I didn't feel comfortable or trusting enough to talk about that aspect, in fear of being laughed at or given the "ur so brave, love is love, be fabulous!1" talk.

3) What are your thoughts on gender therapy? Is it affective or not effective? Please explain.

I can't say as I've never really seen what it is.

3a) Do you feel hormones and sex reassignment surgery is the best or most effective cure for gender dysphoria?

No.

4) Do you feel there are adequate "LGB-friendly" therapy/counselling?

That's a rather subjective description. What I would consider beneficial to my sexuality may not be considered "LGB friendly" by others, and vice versa. However, no, generally I don't believe there is anything truly catered to sexuality beyond generic, half-hearted statements like preaching "love yourself" and all that.

5) What are your thoughts on taking medication for mental health?

Generally wary of/against it unless nothing else has worked. I personally refuse to try medication until I have explored other options in-depth, for a multitude of reasons.

5a) Do you feel taking hormones(for sex reassignment) is the same or different than medication?

Different. Very different. Some medications can be pretty brutal side effect wise, but I don't think they have such a permanent, extreme effect as HRT. HRT is also prescribed to ENCOURAGE the patient's unhealthy behavior; medication is generally given for the opposite. Psychosis isn't treated by giving people hallucinogens, eating disorders aren't treated with diet pills and laxatives.

6) Where you live, is therapy common or frowned upon?

I have not seen strong opinions either way, really.

6a) Furthermore, is "Gay Conversion Therapy" common where you live? Have you experienced it firsthand or known others who experienced it?

Nope, but I am constantly searching for it, and fully intend to go into it if I can find a reputable place (ie: does things with actual therapy techniques and actually tries to help, rather than just slapping me with a bible or something.) This is my personal decision I have thought greatly about and I strongly believe I have every right to have access to this option, and that it is solely up to me how I choose to seek relief from my struggles. I would never force others into doing things "my way", even if I succeeded and it worked, but I also ask that others not force their beliefs and ways on me either. Sometimes, "love is love" and "be fabulously gay and own it, sweetie!" aren't the answers.

Bonus

What are your overall thoughts on therapy?

It's very hit or miss. There's also not enough of it. In some places it's expensive, sometimes there are insane waiting lists (bad if you're in a seriously unwell state) and in a lot of cases, patients often feel the need to lie or withhold information in case it is used against us. This happened in my experience. I did not mention my sexuality even though it's a big cause of my distress, because I couldn't confirm they wouldn't record it or that they'd refer me to some embarassing pro-LGBT "support group." I also downplayed my suicidal thoughts and made up lies, such as that I had someone to contact if I felt "critical", just to avoid being hospitalized against my will. That's not right. How are we supposed to get help if being honest will land us with punishments and loss of dignity?! How am I supposed to stop feeling suicidal if the mere mention of it has them basically threatening to imprison me if I don't swear some kind of agreement and lie about having "safety nets"?

Anything else you'd like to add?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a genuine scam and is one of the worst current trends in mental health. Some claim it has helped them, but I strongly advise against it, ESPECIALLY if you pay for therapy because in most cases, it boils down to "you're choosing to feel bad, so stop choosing to feel bad." It's not helpful for anyone who's distress is caused by a real issue, like a terrible life circumstance, because they will just tell you to "think positively" about horrible things and act like you can choose to be happy & healthy even if you're poor, have trauma, are in an abusive relationship, etc.

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Ah, so CBT is what it's called. The last time I went to therapy, my therapist was exactly how you described: "you're choosing to feel bad, so stop choosing to feel bad".

She also said "you don't seem depressed, but here's information on how to think positive"....I have/had Post Partum Depression and had suicidal thoughts for the longest time....these thoughts still come up sometimes, but stop myself because I have a child to care for and feel stuck in life. I didn't tell her those things though, because I already know she'll just assume it's all "in your mind".

I hadn't had any good luck so far with therapy honestly. It feels like a waste of money for me. I don't think I'll ever be able to fully explain my transitioning/detransitioning period without some sort of negative input(ex. Either they're SUPER LGBTQIA friendly so that makes my Drop the T thinking "wrong" or they just don't get it and will brush it off).

Last time, I told her about some issues dealing with dysfunctional family, a loved one with addiction, etc, she just focused in on a stupid trivial detail of me mentioning I cringe at my old pictures (that was when I was transitioning, I don't like to look at them much). She ignored basically everything I said and told me to "hang" or "put out" those cringe pictures so I feel more positive about it. No thanks.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yep. I literally explained in detail that I had depression since before I even turned 10 and that I was often suicidal, and was told I was "just being lazy and choosing not to do things with my life" and "not trying hard enough to think positive." Fuck that.

Same with fixating on small details too, actually. I kind of touched on the topic of my family issues and how I was emotionally abused as a kid, and for some reasons she translated that into "you have a mind of a little boy, so you need to become your own parent" and I still don't know what the fuck that was supposed to mean.

[–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

All right, I've avoided your last few wonderful posts out of sheer laziness, but I have to respond to this one lol.

Questions

1) Do you feel therapy is for everyone?

I think it should be accessible and open to everyone. However, some people don't need therapy, or get to a point where they no longer need it. As my current therapist says (jokingly but it's accurate): "My job with you is to work myself out of a job!"

2) Have you gone to therapy?

Yup, currently in it.

  • 2a) Was it for LGB-related reasons? (If not, don't worry about explaining for privacy reasons)

Nope. Although, if I were 100% certain I could trust a therapist, I would bring up past LGB-related discrimination experiences I've had.

3) What are your thoughts on gender therapy? Is it affective or not effective? Please explain. (Gender Therapy: assistance with gender identity issues)

I think that:

  • It's based on a homophobic, sexist, pseudoscientific ideology: namely, transgender ideology, which suggests that some men have the "brain of a woman" and therefore should "present as" i.e. pretend to be women; and some women have the "brain of a man" and should therefore pretend to be men. Not only is this anti-scientific, it is deeply bigoted and is often harmful to the people who undergo it.

  • At the end of the day, I do believe in someone's right to believe in a pseudoscience if they want to (e.g. astrology)... I do not believe that doctors, therapists, and other health professionals should lie and suggest that adhering to this pseudoscience (taking puberty blockers and hormones, dressing "like a man," etc.) will alleviate an individual's distress and mental health issues. That is wholly unethical and unprofessional.

[]

  • 3a) Do you feel hormones and sex reassignment surgery is the best or most effective cure for gender dysphoria?

No. We have no way of knowing what the actual best or most effective solution for gender dysphoria is, because only one potential solution, being transed, is allowed to be researched! It's madness.

If I had to guess at what a better cure for "gender dysphoria" would be-- I would first acknowledge: "gender dysphoria" covers a vast and diverse array of complaints and experiences. The "gender dysphoria" of an autogynephilic man in his 40s is undoubtedly different than the "gender dysphoria" of a teenage girl with OCD. That out of the way, my best guess would be...

  1. Assess the person with gender dysphoria-- assess for mental health issues (ADHD present? OCD? PTSD? Autism spectrum disorder?). (Also assess for the degree to which the person is gender-nonconforming; if they are not gender-nonconforming then that may say something about the cause of their individual experience of "gender dysphoria".)

  2. If any diagnosis: Get the person with gender dysphoria the appropriate treatment for their other mental health diagnoses.

  3. If no other diagnoses, or after #2 has been done: consider cognitive therapy or some other evidence-based approach for dealing with any shame or self-negativity the person might have about being a member of their own sex. (E.g.: is this a girl who was bullied for getting her period at a young age? Is this a boy whose parents told him, "you're not a real boy because you like the TV shows that are for girls?" Etc. I would suggest that these are experiences of sex-based discrimination and what some therapists might call "little-t trauma".)

  4. If other routes have been exhausted, then maybe start to consider hormones and sex reassignment surgery... MAYBE. And even then, I would still say it should not be an option, but at least the other steps should be done first.

That's just my bullshit, off-the-cuff take. I can't believe we're putting people with complex mental health issues on a bunch of barely-tested hormone blockers and putting them through surgery, when they so clearly need the treatments that have already been created for and researched for the other diagnoses they have!

The hormones and SRS route is harmful, the question is to what extent. I am a little on the fence-- I think one of these options is likely the case, but am still deciding.

  1. They are outright harmful in all cases and are, at best, neutral or positive only by dint of a placebo effect.

  2. They are a useful solution for a tiny minority of the most extreme cases. A good parallel example would be the use of electroshock therapy for depression. Electroshock therapy has a bad rap among the general population, and for good reason, but if you are someone who has genuinely tried literally every single other possible solution for your issue, then-- well, I wouldn't fault you for trying it, at least. It's a last-line-of-defense solution.

4) Do you feel there are adequate "LGB-friendly" therapy/counselling?

No. I laughed when I first read this question. Not even close! When choosing a therapist, I avoided therapists who stated they were "LGBTQ+" or who said they wrote letters supporting gender reassignment. I do not trust such a person to not try to persuade me to re-evaluate my "gender identity". I have a similar attitude towards therapists who say they do "Christian counselling". Oh, and worth mentioning-- almost all therapists I've seen advertised who identified as "LGBTQ+" were TQ+... there really are not that many LGB therapists out there, because LGB people are a low proportion of the population to begin with, and we're often in the closet to many people, anyway. Duh.

The closest thing to "LGB-friendly" therapy/counselling that exists currently is evidence-based therapy. Because it is supported by research the best that we currently know, and it can help LGB people the same as anyone, even though we do have health risks that are unique to our experience. I am currently doing a form of evidence-based therapy and I would definitely recommend it to someone who is LGB and interested in therapy.

5) What are your thoughts on taking medication for mental health?

I don't currently take medication myself but am not morally opposed to it in theory. In practice, it has potential to be really harmful. However, I think there is some research evidence that therapy+medication is more effective than either therapy or medication alone.

Some concerns, not comprehensive:

  • I have heard of psychiatrists who have a lack of transparency and encourage that their patients take medication because they are financially compensated for encouraging the use of certain types of medication. (I've heard the same thing for some doctors too, just to be fair-- this isn't just a mental-health-field thing.)

  • An individual might take medications in order to avoid working through their feelings of shame at their past trauma, e.g. in an evidence-based psychotherapy. Avoidance is itself a symptom of PTSD and sometimes people go remarkable lengths to avoid things.

  • Often, the long-term effects of medications commonly given are not well understood... this is especially the case with puberty blockers. Articles about puberty blockers' harmful effects on bone density: link 1 link 2

[]

  • 5a) Do you feel taking hormones(for sex reassignment) is the same or different than medication?

Hmm... this is a fantastic question, and I'm not sure I have an answer I'm certain of yet-- mostly because seeing the pseudoscientific beliefs that are responsible for hormones' and puberty blockers' popularity, has made me more suspicious of other types of medication.

I will say for now that I think it's different. At the very least, for one reason:

The motivations for society to push ineffective "gender" drugs on LGB/GNC people are...

  • homophobia

  • sexism

  • money.

The motivations for society to push ineffective non-"gender" drugs on people are...

  • money.

  • occasionally sexism...? I wouldn't be surprised if there are some bigotry-related incentives to, say, medicate women with X diagnosis more than men with X diagnosis, or something like that.

6) Where you live, is therapy common or frowned upon?

Common, and sometimes people are super casual about it, like it's the perfect cure-all... which I think is misleading, not because there is not research supporting the benefits of therapy, but because-- some types of therapy are far more effective than others, and many working therapists out there in the real world do not practice the effective types of therapy that actually have scientific backing, i.e. evidence-based therapy!

  • 6a) Furthermore, is "Gay Conversion Therapy" common where you live? Have you experienced it firsthand or known others who experienced it?

Not the conservative kind, although I grew up in a religion in which many of the members would have encouraged it. Fortunately I was deep in the closet throughout my childhood and never experienced it. The liberal variant of gay conversion therapy, i.e. transing same-sex-attracted individuals, is very common where I live, and it's heartbreaking to see. I have met a couple of detrans people IRL.

Bonus

  • What are your overall thoughts on therapy?

Simple facts:

  • Evidence-based therapy rocks; "talk therapy" as performed out in the wild sucks. Not all types of therapy are created equal!

  • There is a massive disconnect between what we know about effective mental health treatment from research, and whether that knowledge actually makes it to the general population. The same is true of physical health treatment: usually, the top tier of most-educated and wealthiest people are the ones who benefit from the best medical treatments and care.

  • Anything else you'd like to add?

I will update this section with some resources links later today.

THANK YOU for asking these questions!!!!!!!

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Glad you responded, I enjoy reading your answers! :D

What is evidence-based therapy? I think I went to CBT in the past---based on how Reptilian described. I didn't know the different names for therapy.

Here's my comment on that: Experience with CBT therapy.

I just...don't feel like I'm a fan of therapy at all. Currently in couple's therapy and it ends up feeling like my partner is getting individual therapy for his issues while I sit there. It's awkward. I don't want to get too TMI, but things just haven't been working out dealing with his addiction issues.

[–]Destresse🇨🇵 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

1) Do you feel therapy is for everyone?

Mmh. I don't feel I can answer that lol. From my experience, no, but I'm not sure.

2) Have you gone to therapy?

Yeah, 3 times with 3 different professionals

  • 2a) Was it for LGB-related reasons? (If not, don't worry about explaining for privacy reasons)

No, then yes, then no again.

3) What are your thoughts on gender therapy? Is it affective or not effective? Please explain. (Gender Therapy: assistance with gender identity issues)

I'm not sure what that consists of. To me, gender identity issues are symptoms, but not an illness per se. So if "gender identity therapy" is about encouraging and glorifying those symptoms, then I think it's wrong. If it's about looking for the root of the problem and treating it, then yes I think it's a good thing to try.

  • 3a) Do you feel hormones and sex reassignment surgery is the best or most effective cure for gender dysphoria?

My personal opinion is a huge, resounding no. I don't think I will ever change my mind on this lol, but seriously, what happened to body acceptance? I also experienced high discomfort with my body at one point in my life. Not at the degree some trans or detrans people describe, but nowadays I think that level of discomfort is enough to be ""validated"" as dysphoria. To think some people dedicate the rest of their life to this discomfort is disconcerting at best, and scary at worst. I got better on my own, I don't see why other people couldn't... I feel really bad for them, because I often wonder if it could have been me, too.

4) Do you feel there are adequate "LGB-friendly" therapy/counselling?

I honestly don't know. I've only seen 3 therapists in my life, and I only told two of them I was a lesbian. Just to preface this, I'm a hypersensitive person, and that explains everything that will follow. I didn't like my therapists' reactions to it. They weren't "unfriendly" or bigoted or anything, but just a bit ignorant on the subject. They said minor stuff that got to me really bad because this is a sensitive topic for me, and I kind of shrunk back into myself then. Which isn't very good for a therapy.

But well. I also attended university, I studied psychology for 5 years, and the stuff I heard there about "the homosexualities" was just... Urgh. It made me very wary of therapists, so now I pay attention to what they do, what their area of expertise is, and if I see "freudian" anywhere, I run lol. I personally gave up on the idea therapists could help me accept myself as a lesbian. I'd rather work on self-esteem, trauma, and whatever else I need to work on, things on which I do trust in them.

5) What are your thoughts on taking medication for mental health?

It depends. For things like depression and anxiety, I'm against it. I never took mine, and I'm doing fine now. Things are different if we're talking about other mental illnesses, or if the person is suicidal.

  • 5a) Do you feel taking hormones(for sex reassignment) is the same or different than medication?*

It's different, but I haven't really thought about it enough to explain why I feel that way lol

6) Where you live, is therapy common or frowned upon?

Common, and not frowned upon, generally speaking. In fact, we're the number 1 country when it comes to taking anti-depressants hahaha

  • 6a) Furthermore, is "Gay Conversion Therapy" common where you live? Have you experienced it firsthand or known others who experienced it?

I don't think so? I don't know, but I haven't ever heard of it, so I would guess it's not common at all. Maybe it's more pernicious. I wouldn't be very surprised if lots of freudian therapists here still think homosexuality is a mental illness or a sign of "dysfunctional relationship with one parent", "wrong identification" or whatever else I heard in uni. Did I mention it was a very freudian university? Lol.

Bonus

What are your overall thoughts on therapy?

Well, I mean. I studied psychology for 5 years hahaha! And even though I quit, I do think positively of it, I think it can help a lot of people. But, I also think it is a very delicate job. And I also think all therapists don't go will all patients, therapy is about human healing human and there has to be a specific connection for that to happen.

I do have lots of thoughts on the subject, but expressing them in English is too challenging for me right now haha

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I agree, I am against transitioning too. I had extreme gender dysphoria and had suicidal thoughts daily back then. If I had botched up surgery and took dangerous hormones, I would have most likely killed myself at that time.

That sucks that they treated you that way based on your sexuality. I almost never talk about my sexuality in real life and don't feel comfortable talking about it...scared to get therapists like that. Either dismissive of me or weirdly LGBTQIA+. I avoid those like the plague.

Feel free to share any additional thoughts at all if they come to mind. :)

[–]JeffThorsen777 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's interesting, thanks!