RantSo a friend came out as bi, I guess? (Bi people help)

submitted by oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–][deleted] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

First I want to get this out of the way:

Not because I have bias against bisexual people

Yes you do. This entire post is about your reasons for being wary of bisexuals and by extension wary of your friend now that she's come out. This isn't a bad thing. We all have biases. I'm also wary of certain bisexuals for many of the reasons you listed. Again, biases aren't inherently bad, but let's call a spade a spade.

I think it's also important to try not to be wary of her solely because she may be bi (because that gets into biphobia territory), but because she has warped views on sexuality and seems like a wokester. I have biases against most trans people because they're trans, but I'm trying to get out of that mindset and remind myself that it's not the trans-ness itself that's off-putting to me (sometimes). It's the narcissism, the homophobia, the regressive stereotypes, and the misogyny that I take issue with at the heart of it. And they get away with it now because they call themselves trans.

With that being said though, her views are questionable given that she says 'everyone's a little bi'. This isn't a view exclusive to bisexuals though. My straight mom says this. However I think it's a good sign she 'came out' as bi and not pan when she easily could have.

If you're worried about her possibly being fake because she didn't give you a clear answer regarding what kind of girls she likes, I wouldn't be. Not everyone has a type. I definitely have a type regarding the guys I like, but I find women to be easier to look at generally so I'm a lot less picky when it comes to women.

As far as dealing with it, you know her better than we do, so I would say give it time. I agree based on your post she has some questionable views so I don't blame you for not telling her you're a lesbian. If she's woke to a point where it becomes a problem it will be obvious the more she talks about her sexuality. Likewise if she's an old school bi.

She may just be figuring herself out. The fact that she says she doesn't need a label only to call herself bi annoys me a bit. Too many people adopt bisexual as a label when they're really just confused, and it leads to others thinking all the actual bisexuals are just confused.

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I'm getting tired of us getting thrown under the bus and you worded this better than I did.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Great answer! Just one thing! She doesn't label herself at all. I'm the one assuming she's bi, because she clearly feels attraction towards both sexes. But, you and others here who said the same thing might be right - she might still be figuring herself out.

"f you're worried about her possibly being fake because she didn't give you a clear answer regarding what kind of girls she likes, I wouldn't be. Not everyone has a type."

She told me in that conversation that she believes everyone has a type, surprisingly. Which leads me to think she's just a very insecure bisexual woman who is still getting comfortable with herself. She didn't say to me "everyone's little bi". She said to me "everyone's on a spectrum". I feel like she's afraid of calling herself bisexual. I feel like she doesn't want the stigma and to deal with the homophobia so she prefers to say she's on the "straight side" of the "spectrum scale", even though she sometimes feel attracted to women. But you may be right as well. She can be confused indeed and still questioning! Thanks for your answer! :)

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Gotcha. The fact that she's kind of floundering around seems to me that she's afraid to call herself bi like you said, which is really sad. If she likes men and women she's bisexual by definition.

Maybe you can try to causally correct her when she says everyone is on a spectrum or that everyone has a type. Plant the seeds little by little to help her realize that as someone confused about her own sexuality she doesn't get to be the authority on other people's sexualities by making statements like that. Then again, maybe she can avoid getting wrapped up in calling herself pan if she thinks everyone has a type, since pansexuals claim to 'love people, not bodies'.

I dunno. She sounds a little irritating in this regard lol.