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[–][deleted]  (6 children)

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    [–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    "I know this is basically the reason this forum exists, but still every now and again it bamboozles me, that I would feel pretty comfortable being out to a religious person who may disapprove of me, but will know to be polite as their homophobia is considered unacceptable, yet more wary if I perceive someone as a SJW - because they are allowed to be homophobic in a woke way, and I will put myself at danger (particularly in a work context) if I object."

    This. This is exactly why I don't feel safe. You get it now. You answered your own question.

    [–]HelloMomo 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    I recently saw a gay guy at work doing this in a very brave way ... he managed to walk the tightrope, but I could see how very careful he was having to be, to essentially say "please could this discussion not exclude gay and lesbian people".

    Logistically, how did he do this? I'm curious.

    [–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Yes I find myself explaining this to sympathetic straight people when they wonder why I’m not more out. There are literally gay people in my life who I am on good terms with, chat with frequently, and whose gaydar I have clearly pinged but I don’t know if I can trust them yet. They are woke and I don’t know how deep in it they are. One of them has worked on pro-trans law amicus briefs, for example. I had to do a virtual diversity training with her a little while ago and noted that the “gender” section seemed off and she was like “yes, of course they didn’t cover non-binary!” I also know that I’m driving another lesbian nuts by evading every question that is clearly meant to assess my sexual orientation.

    It’s making me feel shady and like a total head case, but I’m legit afraid, especially with my career and my clients. And it’s easier to not talk about it at all. Otherwise I’m afraid of what I might say. Add COVID complications impeding meeting up and it’s a slow process of assessing someone’s trustworthiness.