RantSo a friend came out as bi, I guess? (Bi people help)

submitted by oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ from (self.LGBDropTheT)

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[–]Ladis_Wascheharuum 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (6 children)

If you have any sexual interest in both sexes, even if it's a 99/1 split, then you're bisexual.

From my perspective, this seems like a poor categorization method. Someone with a 99/1 split is more similar in practice to the 100/0 than to the 1/99. It feels too much like "bisexual" is just a bucket you dump anyone who isn't "pure" enough. I said it before but there's an uncomfortable undertone that reminds me of the "one drop rule" of racial purity, that anyone who is even slightly impure is "mixed".

But unless someone is bisexual, sexuality isn't a spectrum.

You have homosexual attraction and heterosexual attraction, and those can exist in any amount in a person. That's a spectrum.

Labels are important if you're only interested in men or women and not both.

What do you need to use the label for? Serious question. What do you see as the practical purpose(s) of the label, and why would it be different for bisexuals?

[–]peaked2020 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If you are capable of being attracted to vagina and penis you are bisexual... it’s not “purity”... making this about racism is pathetic

[–]reluctant_commenter 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It feels too much like "bisexual" is just a bucket you dump anyone who isn't "pure" enough.

To be fair, bisexuals are getting a bunch of fetishists, disillusioned straight women and trans rights activists lumped in with them, and then get blamed for those people's actions. So I see where you are coming from with this, and I sympathize.

However, I do think that there are some important distinctions-- emergent characteristics, even-- that arise from a group of people who are only same-sex attracted. I've never fallen for a guy, only women, and I won't be able to live the magical husband-wife life my family expected of me. Having the groups defined the way they are acknowledges that fact, and gives us vocabulary to talk about the experiences of these different groups. So there's a practical reason right there.

[–]BiHorror 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah... Mate, I get you but I'm mixed race and that's a bit uncomfortable to be comparing the two. Especially considering what exactly the one drop rule was used for. It would be better if you used like a favorite food example (like this example someone used on a post I made about hetero/homoflexibility: those who just like really really like cupcakes and those who just like it). But, at the end of the day, if you're attracted to both sexes, im pretty sure you ain't gay/straight. You would be bisexual or homo/heteroflexible.

There's no spectrum in hetero- and homosexuality. They're sexually attracted 100% to the same or opposite sex. If they have a preference within that sexuality, it's still not a spectrum in itself. Gay men who like feminine, masculine, androgynous men are still gay.

Labels are important when they are used to describe and signal things. All for gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals.

Edit: adding and deleting words

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Sorry, I shouldn't have used that sort of description. What I meant was that as soon as someone finds both sexes sexually attractive, even if it's rarely for a particular sex, then that can be considered a spectrum, which is expected from bisexuality. To say the same for homosexuals and heterosexuals is to say that everyone is a little bi, which is incorrect.

As for spectrum, I mean it in the sense of any place between two extremes, the extremes being homo and hetero attraction, much like the Kinsey Scale. If someone is only interested in, say, men, you can't say that their sexuality is a spectrum. At no point are they going to find women sexually attractive, and if they do, then there's no shame in saying that they're bisexual and that their interests lean more towards men than women. That's perfectly fine.

But as a lesbian, I'm never going to find men sexually attractive. I may find some women more attractive than others, but I'm no more or less homosexual as a result.

Ignore the label part, you've made your point. I mostly saw it as a way for a person to weed out a majority of what they're not looking for. For example, if I use a lesbian label on a dating site, that should announce to any men who find me suitable that I am not interested in them. I understand that words have been muddied in recent times, so gay, lesbian, bisexual can mean fuck all these days, so idk. I guess I'm remembering a time when labels genuinely meant something concrete.

[–]Ladis_Wascheharuum 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

If someone is only interested in, say, men, you can't say that their sexuality is a spectrum.

I would agree that an individual's sexuality isn't a spectrum (like a single wavelength of color is not a spectrum) but it lies on a spectrum that exists, which was my real point.

I use a lesbian label on a dating site

See, that's fine. I believe labels are great if they're practical for usefully identifying things. On a dating site, it's totally fair game to say you're lesbian, because it's hugely useful there, as a time saver.

In my ideal world, though, if you saw a woman you fancied you shouldn't need to figure out if she's a lesbian, you'd just ask her out. If she gave a "no", would it really matter if she was straight or just not into you? You're not getting together either way, so there's no practical benefit to having a label in that situation.

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Talking about labels outside of dating online, it could help people avoid unpleasant or awkward situations. If you knew someone was straight, you would never hit on them as if it could make them feel targeted, uncomfortable. In an ideal world, we would respect people's boundaries and labels, not suggest they try X or Y. Now, there is the matter of individual taste which puts a wrench in the works :/