I think an issue here is different languages and different cultures. IIRC, you are from and grew up in the Cold War-era former USSR - a place where anti-gay animus, and sexism too, manifested in ways different to how homophobia and sexism were manifested in more democratic nations of the West.

In my post I was referring to the way the words "feminine" and "effeminate" are used to refer to males specifically and only in the Anglophone world. Both words, after all, originated as Middle English ones that, in turn, came from Latin words:

late Middle English: from Latin femininus, from femina ‘woman’.

late Middle English: from Latin effeminatus, past participle of effeminare ‘make feminine’, from ex- (expressing a change of state) + femina ‘woman’.

I didn't mean to suggest that "feminine" and "effeminate" were/are used in the exact same way - or used at all - in other languages and other cultures. Given the vast differences between Russian and the other Slavic languages and English, and most of the other languages in the world as well, I'd never presume that people with different "mother tongues" would use these Middle English terms, or even know of them.

I think homophobia is universal, but the ways in which it is manifested in words and in deeds alike varies from place to place depending on the specific language and culture of each place.

I remember my grandmother said that my grandfather, who was killed by communists before I was born, was often saying about "rules of a man", and among those rules there were things like "never ask women if they are comfortable with you", "do not be kind to ones who don't deserve", "never apologise", etc - and for some reason she was very sad that I am not following those rules and acting "opposite to a man". So in general it is men, who are afraid of their manliness are calling others who do not conform to their standarts as "second class people" - or as women or gays to them.

This illustrates that whilst members of both sexes can be homophobic and sexist, women like your grandmother often enforce sexism and homophobia often to go along with and show support and love for men in their lives (your grandfather), and to bolster up male supremacy more generally.

My own view is that homophobia and sexism both originated in large part due to male fears of their own inadequacy compared to other men - whom they saw as bigger, stronger and more "manly" - and to women, whose ability to bring new life into the world men saw as an awesome power that caused them to feel inferior and less significant. So men decided to take advantage of the situation nature created - wherein grown men have bigger bodies and greater strength than females of all ages, and females after menarche are vulnerable to pregnancy - to create a system of male supremacy and power in which females came under the control of males and were kept in our place and considered second-class and inferior to males. In the process, males who were seen as insufficiently manly and tough were also regarded to be inferior to other men - though not quite as low as females - and were said to be not "real men."