NB : not feminine

submitted by [deleted] from self.GenderCritical

It bothers me that non binary seems to just mean anything but feminine. Men’s clothes hobbies and looks seem to be totally fine to these people but god forbid they think you’re a woman. They even would rather be called male pronouns but then don’t expect us to see through their internalized sexism?

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[–]Spikygrasspod 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yep. My non-binary friend recently posted a list of all the ways we're allowed to talk about her. Not just pronouns, but also honorifics, nicknames, terms of endearment, descriptions, everything. There was a common theme: anything but female/feminine.

[–]blahblahgcer 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Was it that massive ass Twitter meme picture that's been going around where you color in the dots based on how you feel about them? Idk how these people expect me to remember dozens of people's super specific lists.

[–]Mtd93 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Agree. I've had the misfortune of meeting NB people IRL,The anime scene is sadly crawling with wannabe trans people, Every single one I have met so far has been nothing but a woman with short,often colorful hair,mental problems and piercings. These women will deny liking pink,dresses and often have that 'Not like other girls.' Mentality. Of course,as you mentioned, they will accept literally any other pronoun besides 'She/Her'.

The opposite end of this is the so called Nonbinary women who make literally no attempt to look anything but female,makeup,heels,dresses the whole nine yards but,somehow, want everyone to think they are some mythical genderless being. The entire concept of NB makes my head hurt and the people I've had the misfortune of meeting who 'identify' as it have all been insufferable.

[–]BewitchedSam 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This is similar to my experience. Most of them either sport a shaved head or short brightly colored hair. 2/3 have been very forth coming about their mental illness both were borderline. They also seem to have to bring it up in discussions whenever they can. I diffinetly get the not-like-the-other girls vibes. I had one try to explain how hard it was to find plus size non binary fashion and I was like how? you could shop in both mens and womens departments how could it possibly be that hard. I only ever saw her in like 3 outfits and I saw the same shirt day after day... they seem like an odd bunch to say the least

[–]MarkTwainiac 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

NB : not feminine It bothers me that non binary seems to just mean anything but feminine.

I think that's what "non binary" means most often when it's used by or applied to female people.

But there are tons of male people who call themselves "non-binary" too. Like Jacob Tobia, Alok Vain [sic] Menon, Jeffrey Marsh, Meredith Talusan, Ian Fields, Jonathan Van Ness, Sam Smith(s), Nico Tortella, Ezra Miller...

https://www.them.us/story/this-is-what-gender-nonbinary-people-look-like

https://www.seventeen.com/celebrity/g27702340/non-binary-celebrities/

Also, ever since "non binary" became a cool new identity label, there have been female people arguing it's "valid" to call themselves "non binary" yet present in feminine and hyper feminine ways.

https://meloukhia.net/2015/04/beyond_the_binary_yes_nonbinary_femmes_exist/

Many women who conform to gender norms in the way they dress, groom and present call - or sometimes call - themselves non binary, such as celebs like Janelle Monáe, Amandla Stenberg, Miley Cyrus, Jamilla Jameel, Liv Hewson.

Ruby Rose is supposedly "non binary" and supposedly eschews femininity, but in most photos of her that I've seen she looks like a zillion other young women in the 1980s. The way she looks in the pic in this article is nearly identical to how I did in the early 80s - haircut, suit, makeup - but back then, neither I nor anybody else would have suggested for one second that I or other women who dressed as I did somehow had a special identity status that put us in a whole other category separating us from - and elevating us above - other female people :

https://www.marieclaire.com.au/gender-fluid-celebrities

Whether used by males or females, "non binary" seems mostly to mean "look at meeeeeee!"

But as you observe, for many of the girls and young women adopting and proudly parading the "non binary" label nowadays it additionally means, "I have tons of internalized misogyny and want to show how I'm not like other girls/women, coz I look down on them and want to distance myself from them. I might actually not like males, or have much experience or knowledge of them, but I definitely see males as far superior to females."