Seems like a lot has happened while I was away!

submitted by Backwiththecritique from self.GenderCritical

Been on GC for a long time. Long story short, met a guy, fell in love, he came out as trans, I tried SO hard to ignore all my misgivings and be okay with it. Turns out he was a raving psychopath and shit all over me emotionally and psychologically (and once almost physically.)

I’d unsubbed from all the GC subs trying to accept him for who he said he is. Came back to see what’s been going on and BOOM they’re all gone!

Where is everyone convening these days?

My experience has only strengthened my belief that something is very not-alright with transitioning. My ex should be institutionalized, but all his friends and his new porn-actress GF are all so supportive of him wearing skirts but still acting like a typical chauvinist man.

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[–]BEB 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I know I sound like a stuck record, but, while a huge fan of Ovarit and all the other women-only spaces (!!!), if we stay over there solely we are not going to get the lurkers and hate readers we got from Reddit. They grew r/gendercritical from a few thousand to over 60,000.

So I think that we should encourage people to join the women-only spaces but also retain presences on broader forums like SAIDIT, because otherwise we might just end up talking to ourselves when we need allies more than ever.

[–]Metis 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

That's something I keep thinking about and it quite upsets me tbh. While I really appreciate to have these spaces online and would love to finally get to join ovarit, they are very much niche websites I feel no one without a preceding interest in the topic will ever find. I found the gender critical community because a guy (as in a "cis" male) lectured me on r/feminism about the dangers of terfs and since I could relate to the articles he posted and described as "terfy", I googled terf and found r/GC. If there is no visible dissent on huge websites like reddit, I feel like people who could relate to a gender critical viewpoint will never know that they could join this movement to fight TRA ideology or even that there is a movement at all. I wish there was a way we could contact all of the 60k subscribers on reddit to redirect them to ovarit and saidit or at least make ovarit the top result when someone googles the meaning of terf. Getting banned from Reddit was a huge setback for the gender critical community in my eyes and I completely agree with you that we need to find a way to organise to also remain visible on mainstream websites.

[–]BEB 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I actually found r/gendercritical because of lurk-reading an online debate about trans issues between a bunch of gay men. Many older gay men are vehemently anti-trans activism because they see it as the homophobic movement it is.

I would have been very uneasy about what's happening with trans issues in the US, but I would have had no idea where to start looking for others who shared my GC views had I not stumbled onto that online debate which mentioned r/gc, which, again,was on a forum that had nothing to do with GC feminism.

And yes, losing r/gc was a huge blow to us.

If anything, I think more of us should spend as much time as possible on Twitter, forming new "TERF" Twitter squads to engage in debate with trans activists.

In fact, I wish American women would do what the British women did and start a TERF Twitter squad to go after the ACLU, the NEW YORK TIMES, DEMOCRACY NOW! etc., when they spout Trans, Inc. talking points and prove to other readers that trans activist demands are unscientific and dangerous nonsense.

We GC feminists need to debate, and we need to debate in as large a forum as possible. So yes, I think we need to have our own women-only spaces, but we also need to engage with as many people in the world as possible. We are running out of time.

[–]jelliknight 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My hope is that Ovarit will expand to other topics like parenting, crafts and so on. We will never be welcome on reddit or twitter, they're even shutting us down on mumsnet. We need our own space. Then, we need to invite everyone else in too. The discussions have to be had there or they can't be had at all, so we do need to let everyone in at some point (while reserving the GC spaces and some feminist spaces for ourselves)

[–]CastleHoward 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ovarit.com. You need an invite code which you can get by messaging them on Twitter.

[–]missdaisycan 5 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

(Scratching head, trying to decipher post) So, you were subscribed to GC sub at one time, but you consciously tried to swallow the ladydick - got shit upon, and now say your

belief that something is very not-alright with transitioning.

is strengthened all the way to not-alright?!

Whew, your definition of belief must be way different from mine.

Good luck to you. Nah, no, nuh uh Edit.

[–]Backwiththecritique[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I also said he needed to be institutionalized.

Sadly I was already in love with this man before he told me he wanted to be a woman. That love blinded me and made me try really hard to be okay with it, but I never could be. He broke me down in a lot of ways, and breaking my resolve in my beliefs I’ve held for years was one of them.

Emotional abuse is a hell of a thing.

[–]missdaisycan 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I get it. Some people don't learn from other people's experiences, they have to go through the hell themselves.