How to deal with friendship loss due to GC views

submitted by threefingersam from self.GenderCritical

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[–]threefingersam[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Sorry to hear that. The loss of an friendship that lasted as long as it did sounds very painful :(

[–]BEB 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Thank you. I appreciate it.

I think if my friend and I had been able to talk face-to-face it would have been very different, but with COVID we haven't had our annual meet up and for whatever reason she hates talking on the phone, so the exchange was over email.

But what scared me is that my friend was a pioneer in her field, a brilliant, incredibly brave woman, and the shit she took from men, the open harassment, the open misogyny, the sexual remarks - she was told straight to her face that a job only men had been allowed to do was off limits to her only because she was a woman.

And now, and I do blame it somewhat on her spending the last ten or so years in academia, which seems now to be the grave yard of rational thought - she's full on swallowed the post-modernist BS, including Queer Theory. And will defend it to the death.

She didn't even give me the chance to explain, just stated, unequivocally that we would not be talking about it.

And I was both hurt and angry. Hurt because she knows that I am very capable of critical thinking (we both were trained as scientists) and that I don't usually say things (OK, I can be flippant, a lot ;-) in regards to political issues until I've researched them and then thought them through, looking at all sides.

And angry because this is what I have faced so many times, from women especially, in regards to gender ideology - this do-or-die defensiveness without any kind of debate because they shut it down before it starts.

Anyway, thanks again.

This issue is too important to every woman, every child, science, free speech, sanity in general, for me to shut up, not even if it means losing friends.

[–]our_team_is_winning 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Do you know the scene in Planet of the Apes (the original) where they ask Taylor if he knows any of the other humans they captured, and he points out Landon and approaches him, and when Landon turns, you see the huge U-shaped scar on his head where they've operated on his brain and now he's just a zombie? Landon had been a fellow astronaut scientist, but once they lobotomized him.... Only the outer shell was visible as Landon. The mind was gone. [Off topic, but I've found just about every time I need an analogy, I can find it in one of the Planet of the Apes films!]

Sorry about your friend. I lost two close in-person friends over this nonsense too, and neither of them even know any TiM in real life.

[–]BEB 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I have not seen that movie in decades, but used to love it.

I think that my friend is into critical theory because of critical race theory.

And I think her support of gender ideology stems from the fact that she's very empathetic and probably since many of her students now manifesting as trans have mental health issues (this has been shown in studies), she's supportive of them and defensive of what she perceives as an attack.

Which I didn't do, I only said that Queer Theory was a load of dangerous tosh, whose founders and their ancestors were advocates for incest and/or pedophilia, which they were. And that teaching it in schools was leading to children not having a sense of self and that was dangerous.

She's never had children, and I know that many child-free women and women who haven't taken care of children can still understand children, especially that children are very malleable, but she can't. She takes children at their word, so if they say they're trans, they are trans.

And I think a lot of people are like that now - they treat children like mini-adults, not realizing that many children want and need boundries and direction while pushing at boundries all the time.

Anyway, we have mutual friends who will intervene if asked, and I will invite her to meet after COVID and maybe we can repair a long and beautiful friendship. Thank you!

[–]our_team_is_winning 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Any theory called "Critical" anything is bad news, isn't it. All used to divide people and foster hatred. Although "critical thinking" is a good thing, and that's gone out the window! Empathy is "I understand you have a problem and feel bad. I'm sorry." "Oh, you say you're trans? Sure!" That's called "folie à deux" I believe. It seems like we keep lowering the age of adulthood. The human brain isn't done developing until 25. If anything, we should be raising the age! A child claiming to be trans is like a child (or adult) claiming to be a vampire. (Cue the South Park episode!) I understand friends arguing over differing views on say, the death penalty, abortion, legal marijuana, etc. but how can anyone have a "view" on biological reality??? My brain can't get round this.

[–]BEB 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Mine neither.