If this is "sex positivity," I weep.

submitted by our_team_is_winning from self.GenderCritical

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[–]worried19 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (16 children)

I don't think this is any woman's natural sexuality.

Her natural sexuality, whatever it may have been, is probably unknown even to her. I would bet it has been warped by years of porn and very likely personal experiences of trauma and abuse.

[–][deleted]  (15 children)

[removed]

    [–]Comatoast 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (14 children)

    Is it policing or is it a concerned response to behavior that is usually exhibited after being exposed to molestation or some form of sexual trauma? I've seen the behaviors of women that turn towards hypersexuality for a feeling of self worth or validation after traumatic events in childhood, and it's pretty damning for them. Hard to know the difference, hard to know when to simply dismiss it as some kind of kink and just let someone "live their best life" when it could be self destructive.

    [–]MelanieMicrowave 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (13 children)

    I've seen the behaviors of women that turn towards hypersexuality for a feeling of self worth or validation after traumatic events in childhood

    Is this the case? Or are you just imaging this is what happened because it supports your viewpoint of how the world should work vs how the world actually works?

    [–]Irascible-harpy 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

    Hypersexuality is a well documented response to abuse, especially molestation.

    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3693773/

    https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0890856709636418

    Do your own legwork next time instead of assuming that others are wrong when they disagree with your worldview. Strikes me as really hypocritical.

    [–]MelanieMicrowave 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    Hypersexuality is a well documented response to abuse, especially molestation.

    People can also just....enjoy sex? Pre-planning a gangbang scene doesn't exactly scream "hypersexuality", and while (what you percieve as) hypersexuality may result from abuse or trauma, it can also just be how this woman is wired.

    [–]MadLass 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    I totally agree with you. Just wanted to voice that as I know this sub can get anti-kink at times.

    [–]yishengqingwa666 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    LOL

    [–]Comatoast 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Thank you for doing the legwork.

    [–]Comatoast 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

    I don't know what her history is, so there's no way to tell if the way she enjoys sex isn't affected by it. It's just an extremely common occurrence that I've encountered with even personal relationships with other women. She could be completely mentally healthy. How often do people crave sex that's that.. adventurous without being exposed to it in some kind of media?

    [–]MelanieMicrowave 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

    How often do people crave sex that's that.. adventurous without being exposed to it in some kind of media?

    Why is it wrong to crave adventerous sex after being exposed to it in the media? You're making a lot of assumptions here, and I don't know about you, but one of the most important parts of feminisim is listening to women about their own experiences. It is not your job to judge this woman for decisions she made, or to tell her how she SHOULD feel about it or what her experience really was. It's her experience to engage in and process. She didn't do anything illegal, she didn't hurt anyone, and she says that she was glad to have the experience. Anything beyond that is enforcing your personal viewpoint into her experiences and how she processed what happened.

    [–]Comatoast 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    I'm proposing the question, not making an assumption.

    I'm trying to approach this without holding judgement, which is why I'm asking questions and not saying that situations can only be a single way or there is something wrong.

    That said, I'm not some holy force responsible for accommodating the feelings of other people and making sure that they don't feel bad for doing stupid shit. I'm human, and I'll reserve whatever judgements I damn well feel like having for risky actions that I don't have a drop of respect for.

    [–]MelanieMicrowave 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I'm human, and I'll reserve whatever judgements I damn well feel like having for risky actions that I don't have a drop of respect for.

    Awesome, but that's not feminisim.

    [–]anxietyaccount8 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

    Why is it wrong to crave adventerous sex after being exposed to it in the media?

    It is the job of radical feminists to analyze the positions of men and women in society. For example, in the BDSM community, the majority of straight men are "doms" and straight women are "subs". Why could this be? Well, one reason could be that women are taught to be submissive by patriarchal norms, so they eroticize that. Maybe for some others, it's a more natural desire. But a radical feminist would not shy away from asking the question.

    [–]MelanieMicrowave 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    Well, one reason could be that women are taught to be submissive by patriarchal norms, so they eroticize that.

    I don't think it's specific to "patriarchal norms", as much as it is the existance of power dynamics anywhere in society. If you completely eliminated the patriarchy, there would still be class, race, and power divides present, and you would still see kink/BDSM.

    I think a better question would be: Does BDSM/kink reinforece/promote patriarchy? Engaging in Kink/BDSM forces participants to be open about their sexual desires, set limits for what is an is not okay, and explore power boundaries and dynamics. I feel that saying Kink/BSDM is inherently violent toward women and/or promotes the reinforcement of patriarchy is the same as saying "women are too stuipd to explore their own sexual desires without hurting themselves and must be protected".

    [–]anxietyaccount8 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Does BDSM/kink reinforece/promote patriarchy?

    Not necessarily. But there any many kinks which specifically do, for example, men who want to dominate women in a misogynistic way. Just as doing a "slave" roleplay with a black person is re-enacting racism, regardless of if they personally like it.

    Engaging in Kink/BDSM forces participants to be open about their sexual desires, set limits for what is an is not okay, and explore power boundaries and dynamics.

    In theory, but in practice? BDSM draws in certain kinds of people, it's not like they're blank slates before they come to the scene. I forget the website, but there's actually a masterlist of male dominants who are predators. It's a big problem, because for a lot of male doms, they view women as inferior so they have a desire to treat them poorly. I mean, it's called "sadism", these aren't nice guys. Also, I know of many women who have participated in the community as a "sub" and had a terrible experience. They were using it as an outlet for self-harm, but were unaware of it. Now, not all people who are subs do it out of self-harm, obviously. But the community naturally attracts these kinds of people.

    women and/or promotes the reinforcement of patriarchy is the same as saying "women are too stuipd to explore their own sexual desires without hurting themselves and must be protected".

    No, we're not saying that, obviously not all women who participate in this are misguided or victims. But also, being influenced by society doesn't make you stupid at all. It happens to everybody, not just women.

    [–]msteacherlady 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    It seems like an environment of opportunity that attracts both predators and the vulnerable and brings them together.