We are all BEAUTIFUL! Such a feminist idea! (I hate it!)

submitted by vitunrotta from self.GenderCritical

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[–]msteacherlady 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (13 children)

I've paid my dues being both unattractive and "pretty" and from my perspective, I really think the good fortune from my "pretty" years was mostly due to that fact that I was healthy and felt better at that time. I'm also approaching 40 and I am already wanting to tap out. I just don't want to do this pretty shit anymore. I'm keeping up my fitness and health, but I am so done with uncomfortable clothes, makeup, and beauty products.

What I can't figure out is why so much of the pressure comes from other women. Any time I expressed my ennui with the whole thing on Reddit or in my personal life, someone's got to chime in with how much they enjoy it, how it's good for them, helps them face the day, how it's a valid form of expression blah blah blah. Hello, no one asked! Why so defensive? You see the same behavior if you question kink and anal as well LOL. The other response I commonly get is a sort of cheering on, like, "oh, you don't look your age!" or "You should try watching some tutorials, there's some makeup techniques that are super simple!" or "There's a cheaper version of that cream at Target!" NO stahp it! I don't want any of it! And I look exactly my age, like I should.

Anyway, I used to follow r/badwomensanatomy and for the love of gawd I was one of the few that hated "Sanity Sunday". Lots of post-pregnancy bodies and cellulite belonging to influencers. Y'all still hitting like n' subscribe on some dumbass personalities selling their bodies. They wouldn't actually be showing them off if it was really that controversial. (Also a little shout out to the creepy drawings posted on Sanity Sundays of "diverse women" where there'd be this faceless group of bodies and some would have penises. Why yes, people shat all over themselves to type "stunning and brave".)

Also, there was this photo posted somewhere on Reddit of a nude obese woman in some very peculiar poses. The comments included a lot of retching and a lot of people trying to find some nice thing to say, and no one was getting that it was "art". She wasn't trying to be beautiful and I doubt the artist was trying to display a different take on beauty. It was, honestly, weird and disturbing, yet well-lit and fascinating. Have the same kind of representation of a man and no one will miss a beat in understanding that it's just weird art.

By the way, I love Attenborough! That's a very good observation you made, that no one ever mentions his looks. Meanwhile I'm just face-palming because for every elderly woman who has died in my family in the last ten years, no one can stop themselves from going on about how beautiful they looked, even on deaths door. I've seen their old photos. Sure, they were cute when they were 20, but come on, even they were realistic about their own aging. Stop blowing smoke up everyone's ass. The old men though, no such sentiment. None.

Anyway, good rant, good rant.

[–]vitunrotta[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (12 children)

What I can't figure out is why so much of the pressure comes from other women

Thanks for your reply. Many great points! This one is specifically interesting, and the only reason I can think of is internalized misogyny. Many women also seem to do a lot of odd mental gymnastics when they defend this whole "beauty" shit and how it's suddenly now empowering to spend 3 hours a day to get yourself ready (ready for what?! The battle of "who wasted more time and money on absolute nonsense?"). If you probe a little bit you'll get no real answers: that's because there's obviously NO good reason for anyone to go into such extents to look a certain way. I also hate the fact that women so very often like to point the finger at men - oh, but men want this, men don't accept me unless I look like A or B, wah! and at the same time they bulk-buy cosmetics and don't even try to understand that maybe.... just maybe... what some 22-year-old Chad wants them to look like means fuck-all, and it is up to the women themselves to stop trying to please guys. And who writes these beauty blogs and sells us stuff? Is it only the evil men or could it be that us as women have been so cunningly indoctrinated to "become pretty" that we have enslaved ourselves?

I might sound like an ancient conservative clutching her pearls BUT whatever - I also detest the current trend of women (in the music industry specifically) being nothing but tits and ass. Literally, they go on to have numerous painful surgeries to enlarge their boobs and arse and this is supposed to be some feminist emancipation? WHAT. I haven't even figured out how they manage to wipe their (enlarged) bottoms with those ridiculously long nails! Or perhaps they have someone to do that for them, I dunno, lol. Anyway. I'm also reaching my final station where I'll hop off this train of ridiculous beauty standards. And when I reach that place I'll try to do my best to ensure that the young women in my family (my nieces) will stay the hell away of that train.

[–]msteacherlady 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (6 children)

Preach! I remember being in line at the grocery store looking at magazine covers when I was a little girl. "Mom? How come the men's and women's magazines both have pretty ladies on them?" I forget what she said but it something about companies feeding on women's insecurities and men being dogs LOL.

After so many years with my husband I've come to accept that he truly, really doesn't give a shit between me all fancy and me just with a clean outfit on. I feel like it really is just a way to get women to waste their valuable time and money, and corporations have relied on our insecurities like that for so long. So of course brands are going to promote a look and aesthetic that men in general probably don't care about, but it keeps alive that anachronistic trope of women trying to out-do each other for male attention. Meanwhile the guys are all belching while scratching their junk under their worn out basketball shorts. Get me a beer babe!

[–]vitunrotta[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Love your mom's comment, lol.

And yeah... Of course hundreds of years of being told you're your looks and nothing but your looks has its impact and we as women sadly keep passing that onto the next generations; whether on purpose or not. Often it's so ingrained we tend to not even think there's anything wrong with it. It's just a fact of life, women do their make-up and hair and nails and look pretty and (hopefully) STFU. Well, things will change... Mwahaha.

I also feel like being with my partner for so long (over 7 years now) has kind of helped me feel more comfortable in my skin without actually obsessing about my looks all the time. I mean this dude has seen me super hangover; sick as a pig; vomiting, crying and farting all at once due to food poisoning (that was truly a moment I wish I could forget ahaha). Anyway, I think that while of course in his eyes I probably am in some ways attractive, it is CERTAINLY not the reason he's chosen to be with me for so long. And having even one guy in your life that sees the bags under your eyes and snot flowing freely from your swollen nose while you cough your lungs out and just tells you how much he loves you: that has helped me in my path towards this "noping out." I hope there were more guys like that, although it is a frail hope...

[–]msteacherlady 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Guys like that, who also have whatever else you're looking for, are hard to find. After dating like crazy for a couple years I had pretty much decided I'd had enough of men as romantic parters. I was happy to keep my platonic male friends, but I just wasn't getting anything fun or dependable out of any other kind of interaction whether it was casual or potentially serious. Then I met my husband and the rest is history. We ate some bad canned herring two days from the car in the middle of the wilderness, so we too have had "those moments" LOL. As if having normal poops in the back country wasn't awkward enough!

[–]StupidHappyPancakes 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It's tough to pull off. My guy now truly accepts me no matter what, but at the same time, he's damn near asexual so I do miss feeling attractive. It's like so many men can't simultaneously be hot for you AND totally accept and respect you. I'm so jealous of the couples that are 80 and devoted to one another and still banging every night!

[–]msteacherlady 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Weird story but I remember my grandmother complaining that my grandpa couldn't do his "husbandly duties" after he got home from the hospital after surgery. My mother was mortified to hear that, but on my poor grandad's behalf she told my grandma to give him a break!

[–]StupidHappyPancakes 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I recall reading surveys that some absurdly high amount of men like 80 or 90 percent couldn't even tell if their female partners shaved their legs or not, but many women will shave their legs if there is even a CHANCE of sex and/or deliberately NOT shave to make SURE they don't have sex, and meanwhile, dude couldn't care less.

[–]msteacherlady 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I had a laugh because way back when I was on OKcupid, there was this one survey question about leg shaving and almost all men answered that it was either a must or at least preferred. I mean, that's just my little sample size of douchebags but it makes me think they don't even know what they want, but they do like making demands!

I was always so clueless as to what my friends were insinuating by "I'm shaving tonight!". When I finally figured it out I felt so intimidated to go out there and date men. Way too many expectations. When I started dating, shocker, most guys don't care!

[–]Comatoast 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I don't know, but I feel slightly bad for whoever is buying into the "taking 3 hours to get ready" scam. Lol, fuck that show. Simple skin care, I totally get. But outside of a couple of days out of the month, my past waistlength hair is frizzy mess with intermittent ringlets. I do good to match my clothes, but I still love dresses and skirts because they're peak comfy-- the airflow is great, y'all. Wearing high heels instead of Mary Jane wedges or flats to nice events? Lolno. Also, I would like to point out a brand to everyone and I will absolutely shill it because of how comfortable and functional they've been. Jambu shoes. Nice shoes that have tread on the bottom for those of us that would slip and eat a face full of shit from stupid heels. I have busted my ass in public from this too many times to count, so I'm trying to look out for the Sisterhood of the Clumsy.

End of digression.

[–]vitunrotta[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Nice shoes that have tread on the bottom for those of us that would slip and eat a face full of shit from stupid heels. I have busted my ass in public from this too many times to count, so I'm trying to look out for the Sisterhood of the Clumsy.

Thanks for the tip. I, too, have had my fair share of faceplanting in the most gracious of ways (not). Here in Portugal streets are also not just asphalt - all the sidewalks are made of these teensy weensy cobblestones (called "calçada Portuguesa"). Just google that shit and imagine walking on THOSE in high heels. Nnnnoooope. These stones also become dangerously slippery when they get heated (so basically all summer...) or wet (so basically the entire winter...) so even regular shoes will make your daily stroll into a fucking slip-and-slide. Doesn't help that my hometown, Lisbon, is built on hills. Often it feels like they should just install massive slides for pedestrians so that they can hop in and wheeee their way downhill instead of having a heart-attack-inducing stumble every other step. So far my initiative hasn't been taken seriously but maybe one day ;)

Edit: grammar

[–]Comatoast 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

They're lovely, but I could see why it would be like running on greased ceramic tile. I wonder why they don't grout it with something that gives it a varied texture. Thank you for all the mental imagery there, a slip 'n slide to get to work would win awards for the most innovative and crippling form of transportation.

[–]vitunrotta[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It's "cultural heritage" that's why. Seriously, that's the only reason. And while they look pretty as hell on an even ground, I never understood why EVERY 90 degree hill also needed those much-hated stupid little slippery stones...

I've come accustomed to step on the actual driveway instead (which is asphalt and hence has some actual grip). When it's rainy I honestly cannot walk 100 meters without almost slipping at least 5 times. Anyway my habit of trying to NOT break my skull has also got me a few close calls with mad drivers who (regardless of the fact that they literally have two or more meters to go on the other direction, and could easily give me that 50cm of space I need to walk without falling) tend to "bully" me when I do that. There's been plenty of times when a car has passed close enough to touch my bag (which I admit, is massive and full of secrets....) but yeah not cool anyway.

I know I should not walk on the road, but I never do it when it's busy AND I am super cautious for obvious reasons, yet some BMW (it's always BMW!) drivers wish to intimidate me with their 3K cars because I am such a terrible nuisance to them - I mean they'd need to veer some valuable man centimeters to the other direction! Male tears flow heavily. They also tend to do that and SPEED while passing. Properly REVVING THOSE ENGINES my dudes, because it's known to grow you two more pubic hairs.) Trying to literally intimidate me. Also I need to add, just in case someone comes here to complain about me walking on the driveway - I walk RIGHT NEXT TO THE PARKED CARS (and/or the sidewalk), never in the middle of the road. I just wanna stay alive until I reach my bus stop, y'know?

I guess I digress. The dudes here that own BMW's or Audi's or Mercedes Benz's are pretty much known as bigoted, idiotic, small dick men. They've NOT stopped at a stop sign, nor at a red light, and regularly they also do these fun little "sweeps" where they get deliberately close to you while passing you SO many times I stopped counting. They could quite literally kill me in seconds with their car, but they seem to get a hard-on because they hAve a caR aNd it'S Fast aNd thEreFoRe thEy'rE fuRiOus or whatever the fuck.

Rant over, I'm just over these asshat dudes that think having a car makes them anything but sorry losers (that own a car and have one bicep that looks like a celery stick).

I'd like to reiterate that I only ever walk on the actual driveway when it's: super early morning so no traffic at all; also it has been rainy so it's very slippery; and it's really dark and I have no idea where I'm setting my feet. (Too often the really steep downhill I have to take to my bus stop is LITERALLY blacked out for god knows what reason. It's pitch black, I kid you not. And you're trying to walk down a super steep hill when it's 06:45... FFS.) Just to clarify. Anyway, real end of rant now. Needed to get this shit out of my system I guess.

TL;DR - sidewalks in Portugal suck and guys with expensive cars have the total IQ of minus 100.

[–]StupidHappyPancakes 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

"Valuable man centimeters." 😂

Well, we all know how much they obsess over rulers...