QT/Trans/TRA - What reciprocal courtesy or labor do you extend to GC who will honor your pronouns? (but everyone can comment)

submitted by divingrightintowork from self.GCdebatesQT

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[–]transwomanHesitantly QT? 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

People should be free to call me (and other trans people) by whatever pronouns they feel like. I would sincerely appreciate someone choosing to use she/her in reference to me, but I don't expect it of anyone. Therefore, I don't feel a need to offer something in exchange. If you'd like to call me he/him or a TiM or a man or whatever, go for it, I don't really care 🤷‍♀️

That being said, out of courtesy to GC individuals, I avoid using that 4 letter acronym that begins with a "T" in reference to GC people. I also use "natal" when referencing individuals who are not transgender or transsexual. So in a way, I suppose there are some reciprocations in terms of language used.

[–]divingrightintowork[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

So, turf is a noun, and while it's not equivalent to trnny, it's... more equivalent to it than pronouns. So I don't think not calling me a terf is akin to me using identity based pronouns on someone. That said I appreciate your respectful and level headed nature - I consider pronouns a courtesy or politeness - like it's nice if I open the door for you, but it's not mean if I don't. So I may use female pronouns on you as a courtesy, but I won't do you that courtesy if you're mean to me.. but why would you call me a TERF, hypothetically? Using "natal woman" is also not a favor our courtesy, using "woman" to refer to females would be the courtesy. Arguably even calling you a trans woman is a courtesy, rather than a transman or transmale. These are courtesies I don't necessarily mind doing, but they are not matters of baseline respect in my opinion... but I was curious to see what other people considered courtesies and niceities, so I appreciate your response.

[–]transwomanHesitantly QT? 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

but why would you call me a TERF, hypothetically?

Given our short conversation thus far, I don't see a reason to. The term is almost always used disparagingly, and I'd rather not be blatantly disrespectful to people I don't even know on the internet.

I do not think most GC individuals are able to be classified as "TERFs" because most GC individuals aren't really transphobic, at least from my interactions with them.

That being said, I think that (occasionally) some GC folks fall back on or use transphobic rhetoric and fear-mongering, in which case I would refer to those specific individuals as transphobic, and therefore "TERFs". Basically, not all rectangles (GC) are squares (transphobes).

using "woman" to refer to females would be the courtesy

I suppose I agree. Generally, I refer to both natal and trans women as women, as a courtesy and also as part of my understanding of gender (which we probably have disagreements on). I more so meant "natal" as a replacement for "cisgender" as I understand not all natal women identify with that label (rejection of gender identity conceptually, the term's associations with stereotypes/conformity). Usually, I only do this when I'm clarifying whether I'm referring to the category of natal women, or trans women.

Arguably even calling you a trans woman is a courtesy, rather than a transman or transmale.

This gets complicated and we probably disagree fundamentally on some specific terminology and ideas here, though as I mentioned, I don't demand anyone call me a certain thing if they don't want to. I do think it's a kind thing to do (to use preferred pronouns, refer to someone as the gender that they identify as), but I don't necessarily think it's disrespectful, if that makes any sense.

Although, if we're being technical, I would even simultaneously call myself a transsexual male and a transgender woman.

[–]yishengqingwa666 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

Gross, dude.

[–]worried19 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

What on earth did she say that's gross?

[–]transwomanHesitantly QT? 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Lol okay then?