GC/QT - How should this situation have been handled ethically? (Husband decides they're MTF and starts to transition 15 years & 3 kids into a Christian marriage) - How do you feel this should have played out? I really have no idea so thought I'd ask y'all.

submitted by divingrightintowork from masslive.com

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[–]divingrightintowork[S] 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (15 children)

My very lazy answer is "The husband should have stuffed it / gotten therapy on how to manage his desires and held off on doing pretty much shit other than being a killer fucking dad who centered his kids and their development first and foremost until they all moved out / launched / were at least 18-21ish, and then started exploring this shit if he was still interested."

OR - Failing that - an at-fault divorce (his fault for getting married without having figured his shit out) that is fairly generous to the mother and gives her custody and direction of the children's future / provides child support and alimony for them to continue living without him, and he explores that "On his own," and basically continues to be the father the kids have known and been around when he is visiting him, with him, etc. while he does the things that are important to him on his time - and again, only starts "coming out" when they're around after they're 18/21ish.

[–]worried19 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

FYI, your link is going to an article about the Massachusetts bail fund. I don't think that's the story in question.

[–]divingrightintowork[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oops not sure I can edit but

https://www.massresistance.org/docs/gen4/20c/How-the-transgender-movt-destroyed-a-family/index.html

[–]peakingatthemomentTranssexual (natal male), HSTS 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I like your answers.

[–]divingrightintowork[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Haha I linked the wrong article but yeah you saw it already

https://www.massresistance.org/docs/gen4/20c/How-the-transgender-movt-destroyed-a-family/index.html

[–]burninglikeabridge 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (7 children)

I dont think you'd say the same thing if it was the mother transitioning instead of the father.

[–]peakingatthemomentTranssexual (natal male), HSTS 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

I'm not sure if this is wrong of me to think, but I'd be really surprised if there are many similar stories of mother's behaving this way.

[–]worried19 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Autoandrophilia seems to be a rare motivation for an older adult woman in a straight relationship to transition. I'm pretty sure most late transitioners who are mothers are HSTS.

Then again, there was this video with a few mothers dragging their kids into their transition and identity issues:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTP4okl0gUk

[–]peakingatthemomentTranssexual (natal male), HSTS 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You are probably right. I feel like most FTMs in general are HSTS (like nearly all ones I’ve met irl have been). The ones who aren’t are mostly part of this younger crowd it seems like.

[–]divingrightintowork[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I don't think there's many similar stories of mother's behaving this way. I've heard of maybe one, that wasn't anywhere near as bad, but was still kind of messed up.

She ran off while pregnant, transition, told the child the other parent died or something like that, and then she died, and the father can't get in touch with his child? Something weird like that, it's in Canada.

I have weird feelings, because the father never actually met his child, and there are tons of men who don't even know their fathers, so it's specious that he has a real feeling of connection to this human he never met, But rather a story he tells himself of connection... but also it's a lot of super messed up on the mom's part too.

[–]peakingatthemomentTranssexual (natal male), HSTS 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That’s awful in its own way, but yeah, a bit different. What did she die from?

[–]divingrightintowork[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

No idea - I can't find the original source / story. Hrm - i can't find it. You could probably snope around and find it from what I shared.

[–]divingrightintowork[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I made a mistake and link the wrong article here's the right article

https://www.massresistance.org/docs/gen4/20c/How-the-transgender-movt-destroyed-a-family/index.html

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That’s how you end up with someone eating a bullet.

Being a father is a horrifically masculine ideal probably Daily making things worse. People who want to be dead don’t make for healthy parents.

Having a mental illness isn’t something blameworthy either so am at fault divorce is pretty monstrous.

And enforcing masculinity (despite being horrific on every level) for visits is just going to make him not want to see the kids. At best you are encouraging the kids lose a parent through distance if not through suicide.

Let her transition. Get a therapist for the kids to help them understand that some people need to do things for themselves and come to peace with that. Determine custody etc. as you wound in any other divorce if they don’t want to cohabitate or stay in a relationship. It doesn’t have to be a thing that you crucify someone for.

[–]divingrightintowork[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I made a mistake and link the wrong article here's the right article

https://www.massresistance.org/docs/gen4/20c/How-the-transgender-movt-destroyed-a-family/index.html