Both: What are your feelings on BDSM and the sex-positivity movement?

submitted by worried19 from self.GCdebatesQT

sorted by:
top
newinsightfulfun
you are viewing a single comment's thread.

view the rest of the comments →

[–]worried19[S] 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (12 children)

I'm positive there are sociopaths using it as an excuse to seriously harm and even kill women.

Relevant link: https://wecantconsenttothis.uk

[–]burninglikeabridge 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (11 children)

Wow. Never stumbled across that page before, thats very sad to see.

I dated a girl who was really into BDSM and being submissive. But I remember her telling me that its just as important to her that we cuddle after and have room to talk about any feelings that arise so the relationship stays balanced. And never have any BDSM things leak into our relationship outside the bedroom. That 24/7 BDSM relationship is something I never understood.

[–]worried19[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

Do you think it's morally justified to perform violent acts on your partner if she asks for it?

To be honest, I wouldn't trust a man who had ever done such things, even if he claimed he didn't enjoy them.

[–]burninglikeabridge 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

It depends on how you define violent acts. I'd draw a very hard line at any sort of rape play, body fluids, spitting on someone for example, slapping someone, hard choking especially to the point of passing out and i dont think id be ok tying someone up either. Not ok to cut someone. So I guess my short answer is not always.

How do you define "violent acts"?

[–]worried19[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

Anything that would be considered assault in a normal context. Certainly any type of choking, hitting, slapping, etc.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I absolutely do not get the appeal of choking, hitting, slapping, hair-pulling. Those are the top domestic violence moves in a nutshell.

(Yes, choking fans, spare me the enthusiasm, I've accidentally choked myself out -- by tucking the corner of a pillow up under my carotid sinus. An MD helped me figure it out. It was the opposite of pleasant.)

[–]worried19[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It baffles me. Why would anyone want their partner to pretend to murder them during sex? Strangulation is mimicking the act of killing someone.

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, it is. I've heard all the "Asphyxiation heightens orgasm" arguments and I'm like "Well, no, that's your adrenals kicking into overdrive because your brain thinks you're being killed." Which has me wondering if maybe a lot of these fetishes are actually re-traumatizing and self-harm compulsions.

[–]burninglikeabridge 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Then no, most of the time no. But at the end of the day I can't tell people what to do so I do think proper education on BDSM and relationships is really important.

[–]worried19[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

What do you mean by proper education? I think trying to "educate" people about BDSM just feeds into the normalization of such acts. I'd rather society simply refused to acknowledge it.

[–]burninglikeabridge 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I think it would be harm reduction for sure and not to prevent people from doing BDSM. At the end of the day people are going to do it anyways, i think refusing to acknowledge it hurts more than helps.

Proper education would be learning about a healthy dominant/submissive relationship, the after care for both parties, learn about abuse and what that looks like, consent, and then also how to safely practice BDSM and the risks associated with certain acts and how to best prevent harm. For people over 18, i don't think this should be taught at schools. Besides the consent, abuse signs, and safe sex part of it, that should be taught better in schools.

[–]worried19[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

But by "educating" people, you're spreading the knowledge of such acts, especially if they're forced into the mainstream.

Men's Health just ran a disgusting article on strangling women. They might try to present it in the guise of education, but this is pure promotion and normalization.

https://saidit.net/s/GenderCritical/comments/5px4/mens_health_magazine_how_to_choke_a_woman_i_dont

And 91% of men in the poll describe it as "hot." Things like that make me want to die. They make me want to kill myself rather than continue to exist as female in a world that hates women. This is what normalization of porn and sexualized violence lead to, a society in which nearly all men find strangulation of women arousing.

[–]burninglikeabridge 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, thats why harm reduction isn't perfect. It's meant to reduce harm but can sometimes cause more harm.