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[–]rosegoldstar 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I don't really have anything helpful to say but I do relate a lot, despite knowing I was gay since I was 13... I still sometimes try to convince myself I can be "at least" bisexual. and I'm also from New England with super accepting parents, so, /waves. you're definitely not alone.

Accepting that you have these feelings even though there's no "reason" for it is probably where you have to start.. think of it like depression, you know? Anyone can be depressed, no matter what their life and upbringing has been like. plus just telling yourself (out loud! sounds cheesy I know) daily that you're gay and there's literally nothing wrong with that (there isn't! plenty of people are gay! even plenty of animals are gay!) can even help. Fake it till you make it type stuff.

also... Sex definitely isn't the only reason to date someone you're attracted to, and you should never have to just "put up with" sex. :( <3

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]rosegoldstar 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    yes, definitely! I'm a few years younger & when I was growing up it was pretty rare for people to be outwardly super hateful... but little snide comments, especially from other girls, about how gross lesbians are (sometimes the same ones who fetishize the "gay guy best friend" trope...) always stung and added up. I'm still really cautious about showing affection even to my really close friends for fear of coming off creepy :/

    [–]florasis 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Women loving women make me cringe, cause it is what queer and TRA use. Anyway, it doesn't matter the experience you have. I've known guys I could have a great relationship with, but I cannot being physically aroused to them or being in love. It is just impossible. Yeah, being bisexual would give you much more options, but you cannot change sexual orientation. So accept it as anything else you can't change.

    [–]yousaythosethings 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I relate heavily. The only difference is with kids. I have no plans to have kids but I am also not child free. From my perspective that’s just something I would decide if I was in a relationship with someone who I would want to have a family with, though I know at least I would not want to experience pregnancy. I like kids but I work a lot and like to travel and have flexibility so I don’t see where they fit into my life and I wouldn’t want to be an absentee parent. I am also almost certain to be the breadwinner in any relationship I’m in.

    I came out at ~30 but not widely given the circumstances. So I told close friends and family and then figured everyone else can find out organically. I’m still early in this journey of self-acceptance, and still dealing with all of these things. I haven’t really been able to find a therapist that I think is a good fit for me and I do not trust “LGBTQ” therapists these days.

    I still have thoughts like “How am I of all people gay? Like what?” And then occasionally “Am I not and I made this all up? OK nope still very clearly exclusively attracted to women.” It’s important to remember that being gay/a lesbian isn’t a feeling. It’s just the word that describes your pattern of attraction.

    Like you I never thought other people being gay was wrong, but it is still hard to accept in myself. What I’m most concerned about is (1) feeling like I don’t have privacy and feeling exposed on a very personal level, (2) people making judgments about who I am because of it and seeing me as the lesbian/the gay one and not as an individual, and (3) also because I dealt with a lot of shit in my upbringing I just wanted to be seen as normal and not stand out, and this isn’t the best way to do that lol.

    But I do like women and I can’t imagine not being into women and being into men.

    [–]MyLongestJourney 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    OP,I do not know if what I say will help you but here it is. You say you feel guilty about being a lesbian.I ask why.Are you violating anyone's rights just by being one? No. Does being lesbian mean you are an immoral,sociopathic or useless person? No. You being lesbian is not stopping you from being a productive member of society.Or a capable mother.