'Being in love is more important than loving'

submitted by PasLagardere from self.Lesbians

So yeah, my ex dumped me last week.

Basically I found out 2 months ago she had been texting a girl she had a fling with in a sexual way and while I decided to forgive her, I was distant sometimes.

She says that me being distant hurt her a lot and she no longer feels the same about me, she stills loves me but is less 'in love' and she feels that being in love is the most important thing.

It's not the first time I 've had a girl say this, personally I believe the 'in love' fades after a few months (or sometimes never happens) and then it becomes love which is very important.

What do you guys think?

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[–][deleted] 30 insightful - 1 fun30 insightful - 0 fun31 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

All I can say is fuck people who blame their complete inability to up hold their end of the bargain in a relationship. Not everything is flowers and sunshine all the time, but that’s no excuse to step out and sleep with someone else. Don’t let her blame you for this. She could have been a decent human and broke up with you before she decided to go mess around, that’s on her.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

<3

[–][deleted] 14 insightful - 8 fun14 insightful - 7 fun15 insightful - 8 fun -  (0 children)

Fuck her

Edit: never fuck her again. She doesn’t deserve an orgasm.

But fuck her, ya know?

[–]Seahorse 13 insightful - 2 fun13 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

No this isn't a thing, she convinced you she was the victim because she doesn't want to face the guilt and negative feelings with the things she did.

You deserve better.

Love doesn't fade with the person you're truly in love with.

[–]hunther 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This. I'm still really in love with my gf and we're one and half years in. Being in love doesn't fade away. You just fall deeper and deeper in love with them as the years go on

[–][deleted] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

hard to answer. What would you say the difference is between loving and being in love when in a relationship? I don't understand

[–]Innisfree 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'll draw on the cheeky words of the Bard himself to add to the support in the comments.

Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove...

If this be error and upon me proved,

I never loved, nor no man ever writ.

While Shakey romanticises a bit, he was still talking about love, not infatuation. Infatuation is the quick fix, so sod her and let her chase her quick fixes while you move on to build the real thing.

[–]carrotcake 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

In my language the word for "being in love" is a synonymous to being infatuated. So yeah for me it is something that fades away after some time. Love is what persists. I think it also depends on how much of a romantic you are.

[–]peaked2020 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

I think you bored her so she went out to fuck someone else. Or maybe she's just like that. The "distant" stuff is bullcrap.

[–]Innisfree 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

As somebody who was also accused of "boring people" by an ex of a similar flavor to OPs, I strongly object to the wording! We don't bore them, they "get bored". Important distinction. :D

So yeah, "she's just like that" lol

[–]peaked2020 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

It depends. A whole lot of people just cry and whine when they weren’t a good or interesting partner and the other person loses interest. They act like they’re a victim just because the other person doesn’t want to be with them anymore, and they start acting like the other person owes them their interest just because they liked them at one point

[–]Innisfree 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Of course it depends. Language is a rich and beautiful thing.

What you seem to be describing though is someone low effort and emotionally imature, manipulative even. A little more than plain old and harmless 'boring'.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]Innisfree 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Wow, that escalated quickly!

    My replies were intended as humorous and general, a comment on language, not a comment on your personal experience. I am just a stranger on the internet, remember? Peace, mate :)