everyone's feelings and anxieties are valid unless a lesbian woman experiences them

submitted by Disillusioned from i.imgur.com

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[–][deleted] 39 insightful - 3 fun39 insightful - 2 fun40 insightful - 3 fun -  (24 children)

People are trying to turn lesbians being uninterested in dating bisexuals into a bad thing as always. The current popular talking point seems to be that "lesbians don't want to touch bi women because bi women have (possibly) touched a penis before, this makes lesbians biphobic!" I've never seen this mythical lesbian who is afraid of penis-contact-by-proxy. Not saying she couldn't possibly exist but if women like that are out there it seems like their existence is severely overblown.

I have seen lesbians who want to date other lesbians only because they feel they connect better with someone who is not attracted to men. Or because they feel turned off by their partner being attracted to men. Or simply because they want to be with another "gold star" lesbian. But lesbians having dating preferences or criteria is always evil somehow to people like this.

Moreover, LOL at the idea that lesbian women are afraid of being with other women who've had pasts with men. Many of us were forced into heterosexual relationships against our will. It's not unusual to find a lesbian who, to cast off suspicion on her true sexuality, partnered with a man. There are endless stories of conversion therapy due to lesbophobic upbringing or environment. There is constant presure on women to accept males into our love and lives. That understanding is implicit in lesbian community. I don't know what is with some bisexual women and this hangup over feeling like all lesbians need to be theoretically available to them in every circumstance.

[–][deleted]  (15 children)

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    [–][deleted] 23 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 0 fun24 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

    This is why I tend to do better with bi women that either overwhelmingly prefer or exclusively date women. They're much easier to relate to.

    In my experience, the bi women who prefer/usually partner seriously with men often want to talk to me about men, their attraction to men, and/or sex with men. Even in friendships. That's great for her but doesn't at all interest me. I don't want to hear about men! I don't care! I don't think the women making statements like in the screenshot understand that lesbian disinterest is not a personal judgment. They're just better off talking about some things with people attracted to men.

    [–]yayblueberries 25 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 0 fun26 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    People, especially bisexual women I have known, do not understand how much of a turn-off it is to even have to hear about them having had a sexual relationship with a man in the past. I don't like penises, I don't want to hear about penises, I don't want to hear about having sex with a man in any way, once that happens I tend to be just done. There is so much penis WORSHIP in U.S. society/culture. It's disgusting. And bisexual women can have as much of a "pick-me" attitude and behaviors that cater to men just as much as straight women.

    [–]lurkergirl 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Can? They usually do. As much? Generally more.

    [–]Disillusioned[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I agree with all you said. I'm fine with my partner being bi but I sure don't wanna talk about their attraction to men, too.

    Some people see this as biphobic, I don't care! It makes me uncomfortable.

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                [–]LesbiSilly 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

                I personally don't have a problem dating Bi women, but I feel kinda bad. Because I was talking with another lesbian friend and I didn't understand why she didn't want to date Bi. Now I kinda get it. :( Sorry, friend.

                [–]Jessica1993 17 insightful - 4 fun17 insightful - 3 fun18 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

                You know, i wouldn't be surprised if this "woke" type of people just stop giving a shit and say lesbians should date men or be available to men, i mean they already started with the whole transbians thing and the whole all women sexuality is fluid, might as well go the full circle and go full homophobia, "just imagine a man as a woman, totally the same thing", poor oppressed straight men, all these evil lesbians rejecting them finally have some people who care about them and fight for them, it's not like they have 90+% of women that are not lesbians and that are available to them, those remaining percentages really do hurt them and their feelings, let's all weep for straight men, the most oppressed "minority" in all existence .

                [–]VioletRemi 8 insightful - 5 fun8 insightful - 4 fun9 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

                Maybe they are talking about transbians, who do not want to date bi-sexual women, but want to date actual lesbians, so it can "validate" their "status of being a woman"?

                [–]PopeyesChicken 6 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 3 fun -  (4 children)

                In truelesbians once I saw some people getting upvoted for saying that they almost vomit when they touch bi women because bi women have touched a penis. They said that it was because they were more gay than other lesbians so they’re so disgusted by it that they can’t even hug a bi woman as a friend. They weren’t trolls either I checked and they were very active in all gendercritical groups. Somebody criticized them and got downvoted.

                So yes these people do exist and those people are very messed up. And they are in these kinds of groups too.

                [–]spirette 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

                some lesbians have sexual trauma you know. While this reaction to bi women may be a bit extreme, so what? You sound very invested in the fact that some lesbians aren't into bi women. How does it affect you?

                But you're also insisting that you are not a "man-hater" (lol as if that's a bad thing). Men hate women already. Stop pandering to them so much, it's embarrassing.

                [–]PopeyesChicken 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

                lol saying it’s abnormal to hate men and bisexual women is weird on this subreddit apparently. No most men don’t hate women, and yes it is bad to hate people. And no the women were not abused, they said it was because they were very lesbian and therefore disgusted by touching girls who have been with men sexually even as friends.

                Good luck in the world. I’m wondering what kind of place this is now, where it’s embarrassing to say that there’s something wrong with thinking other people should be hated and seen as disgusting. I wish there was a place for normal people who are just gay but I don’t know if it exists anymore. I don’t want to participate here from now on.

                [–][deleted] 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

                1. This isn’t Reddit
                2. Per rule 2, stop criticizing sexual boundaries. Does vomiting at the thought if bisexuals sounds extreme? Yes. But does asking lesbians to accept them for your comfort sound rapey? Also yes. Women have sexual boundaries and they can damn well express them on a LESBIAN space that was banned for just that.

                [–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

                You can say what you want and others can say whatever they want. I personally don't see anything wrong (or right) with passively hating people or seeing them as disgusting as long as you just live and let live. It's not harming anyone in my opinion. Theres no need to like everybody, or anybody. btw "normal" is entirely subjective.