Found out girl I've been talking to is going out with a guy

submitted by circus_cyaneus from self.Lesbians

Welp, what can I say. This is old news, I know, but I have nowhere else to vent about this.

I have been absolutely, 100% convinced this woman was a lesbian since early 2018. She has a futchy vibe and our interactions were always charged with an intensity I'm quite familiar with. Never expressed interest in any man throughout the time I knew her. I've had a massive -though intermittent- crush on her since soon after we met, and I have always written her down as gay because her vibe is unmistakeable. My straight friends were convinced of the same. They think she's just hyper closeted (she's from a conservative background), but I'm tired of weighing myself down with false hope so I'll just... try to move on, I guess. It's a bit crushing to be honest.

all 16 comments
sorted by:
top
newinsightfulfun

[–][deleted] 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Maybe time to move on to someone that you know for sure is a lesbian?

False hope is just a prolonged heartache.

It doesn’t matter if she is super closeted or straight, if she has interest in a male, at this point in time, you know she is not a lesbian.

My first relationship with a woman, was while she had a boyfriend (not a secret, he knew). For a long time, I kept hoping she would walk away from him and realize that she was gay but the yo-yo while she figured things out, was not good for me.

Ultimately, she did come out but by then, we had both fallen in love with other people. Life is all about timing. Sometimes, it just doesn’t work out the way we may want.

[–]WildwoodFlower 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I get your point but "waiting for someone you know is a lesbian" could take forever. First, you have to find a lesbian. Then, she has to be a single lesbian. And you have to be attracted to her. And compatible. And she has to feel attracted to and compatible with you.

It's like looking for the proverbial needle in the haystack.

[–]uroborosjohnson 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

God I wish lesbians bars were a thing. Or even just bars, at this point.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I agree about all of that but didn’t you bring up one specific woman that you thought (and hoped) that she was a lesbian?

You said you were afraid it was false hope.

Why don’t you talk with her and ask her?

[–]WildwoodFlower 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, that was in another thread. I never thought she was a lesbian, maybe bi. But it's more about whether or not she likes me than what labels she uses to describe herself.

I can't talk to her and ask her because we hardly ever see each other because of Covid. And this is something we would have to discuss in person, not via text, email, Facebook, Zoom, etc.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This woman has a partner already tho so it’s irrelevant if she is anything. Maybe moving on to a single person is the best way to think of it.

[–]circus_cyaneus[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It is, isn't it? This has been a good reminder of that.

[–][deleted] 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

She could just be bisexual

[–]Astrid2448 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

This is why you have to make your move in less than two years. No offense but she was going to date someone else eventually because at this point nothing has happened with you in forever. Odds are she is just another bisexual but take this as a lesson and shoot your shot next time. It’s better to be rejected upfront so you can move on than prolong it this way, because as time goes on it’s easier to get attached to the idea of the person. Plus, the confidence in hitting on someone is attractive. When you’re ready and you meet another cute girl, go for it, take a shot if you need to.

[–]circus_cyaneus[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yeah, you're right, I should have. Then again I was still trying to convince myself I was straight for one of those two years... let's say she was one of the (several) women who messed that up for me! But you're right, anyway :(

[–]Astrid2448 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Its alright, you’ll meet your match! All the best!

[–]plumedoomer 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yeah. The whole lesbian community is crushing right now. Real lesbians basically don't exist outside of the internet. And IF they do, they're gender creeps and believe a bunch of dumb, repulsive shit.

[–]circus_cyaneus[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I know right!? It's exhausting and a bit disheartening. Even a cursory swipe through Tinder is pretty depressing.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Sucks.

At least he was not a guy. I do not meet people anymore unless I have done phone and video, and even then, ugh. Once I went to a coffee shop and it was a male. Not a trans identified, a straight up standard male. Not just any male either. A police officer. He was not trying to bust me, he was trying to date me He was using photos of some woman when I did a search that appeared as someone on facebook when I did a reverse image serach Always reverse image search Trust no one.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Sucks.

At least he was not a guy. I do not meet people anymore unless I have done phone and video, and even then, ugh. Once I went to a coffee shop and it was a male. Not a trans identified, a straight up standard male. Not just any male either. A police officer. He was not trying to bust me, he was trying to date me He was using photos of some woman when I did a search that appeared as someone on facebook when I did a reverse image serach Always reverse image search

Right now on okcupid I have been talking to a few women who have longer profiles and demand they are GC lesbians. One I asked to phone call or video who has been sending me massive emails. She told me not for another two weeks.

Major red flag. Don't care what your excuse is.

I just blocked her.

Sucks because She seems cool, but two weeks when you are an artist and have your own business doing art, during the pandemic, from home.

You have five minutes to confirm your identity. Otherwise, you are lying.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You can't know if she's gay / bi / straight because you don't read minds.... but it seems clear she isn't interested in perusing a relationship with a woman at the moment so look elsewhere.