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[–]Dykexmachina 40 insightful - 2 fun40 insightful - 1 fun41 insightful - 2 fun -  (47 children)

I won't date a woman who watches porn a lot. There are so many reasons for this I wouldn't even know where to start.

Also I don't feel comfortable dating a woman who mostly dates men or has a preference for men. Would prefer dating only lesbians, but it's a case by case basis. I got my reasons.

Also anime nerds or people who are really into fandom culture. I just do not vibe with that at all. Oh and of course gender-feels people.

[–][deleted] 18 insightful - 3 fun18 insightful - 2 fun19 insightful - 3 fun -  (29 children)

Omg this. Especially if they are dulling their sex drive with porn. And don’t even get me started on the types of porn I think women who could not possibly be lesbians are watching. Lol. I’m just a real greedy bitch over being involved with my gfs orgasms. That’s my job and I love my job. Let me love my job!!!

Same feels for women who date men. I wouldn’t date a bi girl if she was actively dating men, like going on dates with guys at the same time as seeking women. That’s petty, I guess. Good one. I was having a hard time thinking up a good petty thing. Lol

[–]Dykexmachina 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Literally same here. I'm a giver lol.

That porn addict woman I dated had a past exclusively with men and she would only watch hetero porn, she said there always had to be a guy. It made me so insecure especially since she wasn't responsive at all to my body, she always seemed to be "in her head" during sex and I knew she was thinking about porn, probably a man. Idk why I stayed tbh. And get this— she was calling herself a "lesbian" at the time.

[–][deleted] 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Ugggghhhhhh that’s horrible.

Also, if she had trauma stuff she could have been dissociating. I had to be super careful to make sure my ex didn’t wander off in her head during sex. Sometimes it’s REALLY BAD. Did she ever mention anything?

[–]Dykexmachina 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I was always very attentive with her and making sure she was enjoying herself. If I sense that a girl is uncomfortable or uncertain I back all the way out. I won't give too much detail bc it may be inappropriate and off topic for this thread. But during sex she was very performative and acted like a stereotypical porn star, and I could tell she was trying very very hard to make it work for her, but not looking at me, and I'd end up feeling like a masturbation toy for her. She would actually get mad at me if I felt awkward or wanted to stop. Also ftr this is the same girl I talked about in a different thread who took advantage of me when her guy friend was there and ignored my 12+ No's/Stop's. So this is someone who has fucked up values wrt sex and her porn habit certainly didn't help.

[–][deleted] 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I’ve felt like an accessory to someone’s fetish too, it’s very very gross. And that situation you described with her is so rapey it’s incredible, she was very predatory.

[–]oofreesouloo 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

she would only watch hetero porn, she said there always had to be a guy.

I don't think that woman was a lesbian or even a bi woman LMAO! (I'm a lesbian who actually watches hetero porn and for her to say that it's legitimately very weird.)

"she wasn't responsive at all to my body, she always seemed to be "in her head" during sex" - NOT a lesbian lmao

"I knew she was thinking about porn, probably a man" - NOT a lesbian

I think you were used by one of those curious hetero women who wanted to be ~edgy and cool~ or hate men so much she decides to have a "lesbian phase" so she tries to get the most butch women of all (that, in her eyes, would resemble a guy)

[–]Dykexmachina 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That's exactly what I suspected the whole time I dated her but I denied it and thought I was being too mean or paranoid. I was just deluding myself. She was definitely lying and using me to try the lesbian thing. Yeah she had a lot of trauma with men but I'm beyond tired of women using lesbians and the lesbian identity as a stepping stone on their personal journeys to self-realization.

[–][deleted]  (22 children)

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    [–][deleted] 7 insightful - 3 fun7 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 3 fun -  (18 children)

    That’s fine, but I still like being involved. Like, even just to watch. Lol. She can do what she wants in reality with her own body, but I would sure love to be there for it.

    On porn: I had a friend who was married to a dude and he watched so much porn their sex life and sex quality when they had it was bad, so I have been wary of extreme porn use ever since, it’s probably one of the reasons people don’t date as much or have sex as much now, and that’s actually harmful because it keeps people isolated (before COVID).

    [–][deleted]  (10 children)

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      [–][deleted] 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

      It would be straight up psycho to try and control your gfs masturbating, not even petty, insane. I would definitely not ever try to pull some nonsense like that. I would like to be around for it, but not if she wants alone time or whatever.

      But it’s nice to not have porn around because the focus stays on partners, it’s true

      [–]Dykexmachina 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      Same here. Basically what it comes down to is preferring to date someone who is at least mindful of porn and aware of it's negative effects. Someone for who porn doesn't play a major role in shaping her sexuality.

      As far as I can see no one was suggesting controlling their partner's sexuality or their private activities. We just want to be actually compatible with our partners.

      [–]oofreesouloo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

      Hello, I'm a porn user haha. Not exactly proud. I was wondering what you think about women like me, who only watches porn when I'm don't have a gf/am talking to no one? When I'm in love with someone, or start liking someone or have something with someone, I instantly lose interest in porn lmao. Basically I only feel the need of porn with lack of gf OR if there's something bad between me and my hypothetical gf's sex life. If I started feeling unfulfilled but if we 'corrected' it, my interest for porn would vanish again haha.

      [–][deleted]  (5 children)

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        [–]oofreesouloo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

        Yeah, that's the problem - I have a high sex drive, in comparison to most women (at least in comparison to the women I've met lmao). I could safely say my sex drive is equal to an average guy/horny guy (between those two as my sex drive has declined over the years). I just don't have the luxury to have multiple women available to have sex with LMAO (I wished!). So, that's cool you think that way :) (I do have the same opinion as you)

        [–][deleted]  (3 children)

        [deleted]

          [–]oofreesouloo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

          Awwww thanks :D

          [–]Dykexmachina 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

          Yeah I've heard a lot of stories about people's sex drives being warped or ruined by porn. The girl I dated was really bad, she had other addictions as well. I was lucky with my first gf, she was even more against porn than I was. But we weren't prudes, sex with her was by far the best I've had.

          [–]Jaded[S] 16 insightful - 2 fun16 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

          The anti-porn = anti-sex narrative is some of the most ridiculous and damaging rhetoric I've seen springing up the past few years. Like hardcore pro-porn users legitimately can't understand that it is natural for sex to exist outside of porn

          [–][deleted] 14 insightful - 3 fun14 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

          I am so pro-sex I could start a sex-pride March and not even be embarrassed if I was the only one who showed up. Lol. The whole “anti-sex” narrative is just a power move by Big Patriarchy and the Handmaidens. Being “sex positive” as a woman in a patriarchy means being a “hot wife” a “milf” or a “teen” and being proud of it like you’re not getting used up and thrown away. So dumb

          [–][deleted] 7 insightful - 3 fun7 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

          I’m not a prude either. I am down for whatever, but I certainly don’t need to watch fake sex to let it inform my real sex. Plus the woman content in porn is generally terrible. I ended up watching wrestlefucking type stuff. Like from the 2000s. Lol. Women rolling around pinning eachother is hotter to me than 99.9999 of what I have seen in porn. It’s also fun to do. Haha. It’s just so much hotter to figure out what’s hot with your gf

          [–]SailorMoon2020 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

          That’s fine, but I still like being involved. Like, even just to watch. Lol. She can do what she wants in reality with her own body, but I would sure love to be there for it.

          You don't consider this a bit processive and unhealthy to not allow and/or prefer your woman have her own privacy with herself?

          [–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

          Did I say that?

          [–]SailorMoon2020 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

          Dude, you don't have to be snarky. Simply ignore the comment and move on. Also my first language isn't English so there could have been a chance I misunderstood your context. But since you wanna be a jerk then f it.

          [–]Dykexmachina 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

          I'd prefer her not to especially if it's straight porn, but I can't control or tell her what to do.

          The cool thing is that I've noticed more and more women going against porn these days.

          I'm glad to see you guys agreeing with me haha I thought people would think I was being harsh.

          [–]Jaded[S] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

          I think due to being fetishized by it, lesbians are more aware than most of the harmful effects of porn. I personally treat porn as any other drug or alcohol-- easy to abuse and become dependent on, but fine if used responsibly and in moderation

          [–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

          It’s hard to disagree because porn has gotten really really really away from female pleasure as its subject. 80s porn was lame as hell, but at least women looked like they were as happy as a bunch of housewives eating salad in advertising. Lol. It was gross and exploitive and ridiculous, but now women are really suffering and that is not something many lesbians are gonna be cool with.

          [–]Jaded[S] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

          I'm fine with my partner consuming porn as long as the degree of use isn't problematic, but I instantly become wary and distrustful of any woman who criticizes when other women either don't use porn or are actively against it. Or if they accuse those women of being "swerfs"

          [–][deleted] 21 insightful - 2 fun21 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

          Women should be swerfs, ffs. Omg. Ugh.

          I say this as someone who has had many friends and acquaintances doing some form of sex work, including women street hooking. We should really all be swerfs, IMO. People who believe in the whole happy hooker thing are idiots.

          [–]Dykexmachina 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

          Yeah as long as it's not an addiction. I've dated a porn addicted woman and she couldn't get off to real sex, she had to watch porn. It caused a lot of strain in the relationship. She admitted she had a problem but it was such a huge turn off.

          And yeah "anti-swerfs" are a red flag, hard pass for me lol. My first girlfriend was anti-porn as well, which was awesome. Wish I kept in touch with her.

          [–]oofreesouloo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

          As a "non problematic" porn user, I appreciate that! haha

          [–]lmaonope333 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

          my "friend" once asked me if I watched porn and when i said no she was like oh so you're a swerf 🤦‍♀️

          [–][deleted]  (8 children)

          [deleted]

            [–]Jaded[S] 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

            I think casual fandom is fine and even endearing, but generally if someone allows themselves to be completely consumed by fandom and makes it the defining feature of their personality I know to stay far away

            [–]Dykexmachina 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

            Yeah casual is fine, most people have dabbled into it here and there at some point. But you can always tell when someone has spent most of their formative years immersed in fandom and other adjacent internet cultures.

            [–]Jaded[S] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

            Maybe I'm making it up, but I feel like lesbians (LGBs in general really) are more susceptible to becoming pathologically immersed in fandom because it's an easy way in to having a steadfast and loyal group where they belong. For someone who feels like an outsider due to their sexuality, it's a simple and escapist way to feel that sense of belonging they don't have in real life

            [–][deleted] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

            I think we also have to obsessively look for subtext because they usually throw us scraps. That leads to obsessive fan behaviour in general, I bet

            [–]Jaded[S] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

            Is it weird that I prefer subtext over canon? I frankly just don't trust writers not to kill off the characters, queer them/invalidate their same-sex attraction, or film/write them exclusively to cater to the male gaze

            [–][deleted] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

            I see what you mean, I actually get very nervous over shows trying to do lesbians because they kill them or add some revolving dick or get it totally wrong so often that I am usually a bit on edge when it’s canon, even if I want to see more lesbians

            [–]writerlylesbian 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

            I feel you on this one. I've said the same thing to my friends before.

            [–]WildwoodFlower 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

            I didn't think much about the fandom stuff when I wrote my response earlier. But yeah, I'm just too damn old for that scene. Also, my straight best friend from high school was REALLY into all these sci-fi and fantasy conventions back in the 80s and 90s. I only went once and let's just say that I did not "click" with those folks.

            [–]Disillusioned 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

            I love every bit of your answer.