When did you realise you were a lesbian?

submitted by CherryLatchmere from self.Lesbians

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[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (27 children)

People would always like me, but they would make comments like “you’re weird.” I am not sure if it was from being gay or from being very smart as a kid. Being a smart kid is isolating. I just learned to act like a dumb class clown, it stopped me from getting made fun of because when you’re a funny idiot other kids feel good around you and don’t find ways to tear you down.

I went opposite to you when I hit puberty. I found it easier to chill with dudes after puberty because they can be pretty simple and I was so tongue tied with women. If guy friends are being arseholes you can just outright tell them to fuck right off and they DO. LOL. I couldn’t speak to women like that because I was soft toward them. I found it much harder to have close female friends until I met a real bitch, who was super straight, and she became my best buddy. I made another best female friend who was bi and that was really complicated because I think I was in love with her and tailed her like a super loyal attack dog that turned into a slobbering Labrador whenever she smiled at me. Ridiculous.

Sometimes I think men treat women less shitty than they do other guys because they feel softness toward them. Lol. I know we tend to write it off as basic sexism, but i honestly have such a hard time even getting mean words out toward a woman. It’s like I can’t get it out. An ex screamed at me and there were a million things I could have said that would have just crushed her and I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

[–]oofreesouloo 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (24 children)

Being a smart kid is isolating.

Yes, I also understand that, probably more than you might think lmao. My mom thought I was autistic as a child because when I was really a child I liked very specific alone activities such as puzzles, drawing, etc. And I paced around alone A LOT, really focused in my own thoughts (I still do this, which I find quite shameful to be honest, I never tell this in public lmao you don't know me so that's fine haha). She also thought that because when I focused on something, I reaaaaaally focused on it and once my primary teacher had to call me several times loudly in order for me to listen to her and I was so focused I didn't listen 😬 (my mom told me this, I don't remember). BUT I was really lucky because I happened to be in the best class in primary school. And the same people from my class there moved to the same middle and high school as me aaaaaaand we were the best class at those school too. The other students used to talk sh*t about us, that we were the 'cocky nerds'. The best teachers would choose our class too because of that. So, I had the luck to be around at least average or high intelligent people most of the time.

"I went opposite to you when I hit puberty." - Yep, based on what you've written you literally are the opposite lmao. Actually, I find you lucky that you can relate to guys easily... At least you have people to talk about women and girls with... I don't. I REALLY struggle to make guy friends, I just cannot understand them. On the other hand, it's REALLY easy for me to make female friends. So basically I'm ALWAYS around straight women OR gay guys. And that's another reason why I feel always out of place, I'm always the black sheep... Oh, and I do not have a problem telling a woman to f*ck off haha. I only have a problem with that IF I'm in love with that woman. When I'm in love, yes, I struggle A LOT to tell her to fuck off 😖

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (12 children)

I never talked about women with men, and still don’t, because they think it’s an invitation to be gross and show me nude pics of tinder women etc. Be treated like “one of the guys” can be a disturbing glimpse into the straight guy world. Lol. They know not to do this with me, or I don’t chill with guys who act like that.

I find a lot of straight women to be very man-focused and I get bored around them. My eyes glaze over listening to it. If it’s general relationship stuff it’s fine, but lots of them complain about their boyfriends but never actually tell their boyfriends they are doing anything wrong. The guys I know talk about more subjects that are not about their partners so that’s easier to get excited about, for me. I think the way straight people are raised is just so odd. So many women seem to focus their entire beings on male approval so they almost don’t have as many interests sometimes. I can have a whole conversation about themes in film or video games or comic books with dudes and they don’t start talking about looks or their gfs. Lol.

I was in some gifted classes but quit because I didn’t want the other kids to think I was different

[–]oofreesouloo 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (11 children)

I never talked about women with men, and still don’t

Oh okay, my bad. In that case, I guess we're 'in the same page'.

I find a lot of straight women to be very man-focused and I get bored around them.

they don’t start talking about looks or their gfs.

You can say that about straight women, just as I can say a lot of straight men are very sports focused and only think about sex (at least in my country, this is the case for LOTS of straight men). For me, watching sports and/or hearing about sports is the most BORING thing on earth. Dude, I HONESTLY don't give a crap how many scores Jonathan Drew made, or how many home runs Michael Smith made. Despite me loving PLAYING sports, I HATE watching sports and/or talking about it (which is something MANY straight guys seem to fixate on and that I PERSONALLY think it's very dull)

So, this is to say - it depends on how you look at things AND what things you enjoy. I know plenty of interesting straight women. I know plenty of interesting straight men. But I also know plenty of boring boring/stupid/gross/dull people from both sides.

In my opinion, you're being unfair to straight women :P There are several straight women that I find very interesting and that have plenty of different interests and don't spend the time thinking about guys. It's true though that many tend to talk about guys once in a while, BUT I'm like that as well but with women. So I'm biased. I talk to them about my woman crushes. We're different.

Talking about looks might be boring and stupid FOR YOU, but for me it isn't. For me, going shopping buying some clothes is fun as hell. For you, it can be the most boring thing on Earth and a waste of time. I'm biased again, but you seem biased too :P

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

I don’t hang around with ANYONE who likes sports. And the straight women I see are mostly coworkers and they are usually really focused on shallow stuff or dudes. That’s just my experience. I don’t have typical interests for a woman though so it makes a lot more sense for me to find certain types of women unrelatable even if I like them generally

[–]oofreesouloo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

Yep, but that's the point I tried to convey. It's your experience and your interests as well.

it makes a lot more sense for me to find certain types of women unrelatable even if I like them generally

Exactly. That's exactly how I feel but towards men and not women. As I hardly ever am able to make guy friends, the ones who 'stand out' are the sport obsessed and sex obsessed (as there are many of them). And with you, I believe it's the same the other way around - it's the look obsessed and shallow straight women who 'stand out'.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

I’ve just generally found very few straight women with the same types of interests, since the majority I have been around in my entire life, I mean the whole of my entire life, are quite focused on their bodies and their appearance and boyfriends. I have not ONLY met women like that, and those women didn’t “stand out” there we just a very high amount of them compared to the others, and I imagine the same of men being into sports etc, I just don’t befriend those guys either. I wish there were more women with similar interests to me, but it just is not the case. That is not a stereotype it’s an observation about the majority of straight women I have personally interacted with in the world.

[–]oofreesouloo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

I know, I got what you were trying to say and that was my point. I also don't befriend the look obsessed, shallow obsessed straight women either. At this point, we're agreeing with each other, but there seems to be some sort of misunderstanding here lmao.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Yeah, I was getting confused, maybe it’s me, my focus is off right now. No one with any depth to them can sustain themselves with shallow connections

[–]oofreesouloo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

It can be me as well, I don't know. English is not my first language so I might not be expressing my ideas the best way. But yes, definitely! Nothing shallow is worth it.

[–][deleted]  (10 children)

[deleted]

    [–]oofreesouloo 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (9 children)

    Dude you're a pace thinker too??

    I AM!!! You too? I'm a pace thinker especially with music. I can without as well, but 95% of the time I need the music. Are you this 'type' as well? 😂

    I must look like an insane person to a stranger.

    I knooooow! I'm so afraid to tell this if I ever get into a reeeeally serious relationship with a woman. I swear I'm not crazy! 😅

    [–][deleted]  (8 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]oofreesouloo 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (7 children)

      Oh shit. We're screwed 😂 I'm so glad I'm not the only one here!!!! I've tried to stop multiple times but I can't 🤦‍♀️ I'm like this since I'm a child, you too?

      [–][deleted]  (6 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]oofreesouloo 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

        for walking around staring into the void while lost in my own world.

        Yep, can relate omg, this is me 😂 Everyone who knows me knows this is typical of me and sometimes people start laughing xD

        It got worse as I grew

        With me too, omg I was going to say that in my last answer but edited it and deleted it because of shame xD

        through dissociation.

        What do you mean by this?

        [–][deleted]  (4 children)

        [deleted]

          [–]oofreesouloo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

          Mental illness and trauma response.

          I'm so sorry. I hope you're able to cope with whatever it is that you're struggling with.

          Your answer makes A LOT of sense. Because it got worse for me exactly at the same time I was struggling with my sexuality and had problems at home and at school. I developed A LOT of anxiety and I think I had a depression. I wanted to escape everything and the reality I was living in, and that was one of the ONLY ways I could find to have some sort of relief. It makes a lot of sense, at least from my experience. I truly hope you're feeling better now. :)

          [–][deleted]  (1 child)

          [deleted]

            [–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

            Unless she’s really provoking me I just can’t. I don’t even yell. I had an ex who said I was terrifying when I am angry, but I definitely don’t raise my voice so I am not sure what it was.

            If some woman is threatening my friends or someone, I get physically in the middle, but don’t escalate things. It’s different anger when someone I care about is being threatened. If anyone ever threatened my niece I would lose it, but probably only then