Sex & IntimacyHow do you feel about the "split-attraction model"?

submitted by dilsencySame-sex community from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I was eager to find out what I wrote 2 months ago that apparently had an impact! I share with you the experience of having an abusive childhood that left me with complex PTSD. I'm working on unpacking a lot of it now in therapy and it's made me realize how much avoidance and denial have featured in various aspects of my life including figuring out my sexual orientation (or rather in not figuring it out until I did). But don't cry for me Argentina. I'm not angry about the way things worked out for me. In the grand scheme of things, my adult life has been quite good. And I tend to be forward looking. I do get wistful sometimes about experiences I missed out on and what could have been, but I do generally accept that I figured it out when I was meant to and that I don't think it could have happened any other way for me. I also think my reasons for taking so long were more personal than societal though certainly both were in the mix. I hope you find your way out of the woods soon. You have such a strong presence of mind and clarity of thought that I'm sure you're well on your way. I think when you're bisexual it may sometimes take longer if you're like me and prone to avoidance and denial because bisexuality has a built-in quiet room that you can perhaps stay in indefinitely.

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hope I didn't disappoint :) Though I do apologize for somehow not considering the possibility that one of the obstacles in your path might be the same as mine... still so accustomed to seeing myself as "abnormal" compared to everyone else (even though I should know better) that this often just doesn't occur to me. Old habits die hard I guess.

All of which is to say... are you me? :) Yeah: life shaped by avoidance, denial, and C-PTSD here, too. Also crippling self-hatred and the certainty that everyone else will hate me at least as much. Both of which seem to have particularly impacted my sexuality. So, like you, I think that the problems I've had there are more personal than societal, though the former made me hypersensitive to the latter (didn't dare risk disapproval, even when I had zero respect for the reason or the source).

But we've also got this in common: having found effective therapy to deal with these issues. And making progress there. Which I hope will ultimately outweigh all the rest.

You're very wise, "Evita" :) Probably a lot more than me. So I particularly cherish your kind words. As well as your own strong presence of mind and clarity of thought, so often on display here in this sub.

I'm glad that we're both finding ourselves, despite the forces that stood in our way. And that we both found each other, too :)