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Discussion"Get the L out" undermines LGB solidarity.

submitted by 7874 from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–][deleted]  (7 children)

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    [–]RaspberryTea 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

    And the ones who don't?

    [–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

    ... are functionally L or G.

    I'm not biphobic, I think it's better to keep it LGB and not split hairs. But I do understand why L's and G's might be wary of dating B's.

    [–]RaspberryTea 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

    I just find comments like the preceding so tiresome because they're a big reason so many bi people "lie" about their orientation: they don't want to deal with the snide remarks and prejudice. It's especially messy for bi people who are mostly same-sex attracted and know that being honest could reduce their dating pool.

    Maybe it would be better to just take people as individuals and, if you're interested in them, ask questions to feel them out? (ETA: This isn't aimed at you specifically. Just in general.)

    [–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

    At this point in my life I probably could date a woman if the opportunity presented itself, but I'm mostly a gay man and functionally exclusively one since I'm monogamously partnered to a man.

    The issue with B is there is (or at least was) tremendous pressure to partner heterosexually, so the assumption is that B will ultimately bow to the pressure and dump their same-sex partner. But what is ignored is that in large cities there is also ambient pressure to dump your partner (of whatever sex or orientation) because of the overwhelming opportunity so it's all the same anyway. When I lived in San Francisco it was impossible to find what I wanted (a monogamous partner with a lifetime commitment) and had to move elsewhere to find it.

    [–]RaspberryTea 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    I wonder if we might be misunderstanding each other to an extent. I was thinking that if what you're looking for is someone who's not a flake and not following a fad, it doesn't take that much to figure it out. Like there's a woman I know -- a nice enough woman, an acquaintance, but not a close friend -- who is rather insistent about how bisexual she is, but she's never really expressed an attraction to any specific woman and just has a "This woman is very, very very straight" kind of energy about her. So, as a bi woman who's dated, slept with and prefers women, this is not someone I'd ever be interested in and I don't see why it would be difficult for a lesbian/gay person weed the same thing out. Or to just turn down anyone who's clearly clueless, inexperienced and/or seems too insecure in who they are, unless you're willing to take that risk.

    I do understand the pressure to live as a straight person, though. That's part of the reason it took me so long to say, "Fuck it. I'm wasting my time dating dudes since I like women too much."

    [–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Holy shit, is it the same friend I've got? She talks about how 'gay' she is and how much she loves women, but she's only ever romantically pursued men even though there is a (small) pool of lesbians and bisexual women in the area.

    [–]RaspberryTea 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    LOL. Unfortunately, there seem to be enough to go around. And most of them are really loud about it.

    I mean like in my acquaintance's case, I can understand not just dating ANYBODY since everyone has a type and not every woman will be it. Where it gets weird is when there's just no sign of finding other women sexually attractive beyond a bunch of declarations about being "gay" or whatever. You'd think someone so out and proud would at least casually mention one woman who could get it any time.