I think part of this that would really trigger them is that when gays use these words they are usually razzing each other... Also include phrases like "oh she thought..." Or "bitch please" so that type of sarcasm or whatever is definitely a minor form of hostility which we usually laugh off and give it back... But to someone like this they take any hostility as a major aggression and then it's combined with the "unforgivable" act of "misgendering" they are really going to lose it.