ColonizationMtF on another "lesbians" subreddit: "I feel like I'm not attracted to women the same way other woman are" yeah no shit, you have male socialization

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[–]winterwillow 28 insightful - 3 fun28 insightful - 2 fun29 insightful - 3 fun -  (5 children)

Checked the user's post history. He post about loving to tell stories, and now he's telling himself (and others) the ultimate story about himself as a lesbian.

Examples: Post that he's the 'token gay friend' in his circle of friends, but since he only came out as trans three years ago and has had his friends for way longer the truth is more that they're a group of straight people, he transitioned, he isn't token anything.

Claims to be 'fully transitioned and stealth' without GRS, which is an oxymoron, claims to pass as an 'androgynous tomboy' but has immense imposter syndrome and transitioned as a 25 year old so probably don't, posts about how he can only feel like a lesbian in settings where there are no other trans people around, when another 'trans woman' arrives, the illusion (or his delusions) is shattered.

Posts about telling stories that works on parties and dates, but also post about having only been on one date since transitioning 3 years ago. He seem to have latched on to the idea that he should have been born not only a woman, but specifically a lesbian, that if he just had the female body he would be ok just being himself and still be attractive to women, as a 'soft butch' or something.

And in a way it's easier to feel sympathy for him than the loud mouth 'girl dick' 'big tiddies' transbians, but at the same time, he goes on a lesbian forum posting about feeling like a man, while dropping the 'trans man' hint to make it seem like he is female, no word about his actual trans status. That's incredibly decieving. He also post about feeling like a man when he's angry, and that he has a short temper and is aggressive sexually.

That makes me think him going on dating sites catfishing lesbians and throwing fits when they're not interested has most likely happened during these three dateless years. He might very well have two reddit accounts, one with all his trans history and a lot of hatred of women, and this one, his 'real lesbian' account where he's all 'poor me, am I too aggressive, I'm just like you, will someone like me, I'm insecure'.

All in all, this level of deception (or if I'm being nice dissociation, but that doesn't make it any less unsettling) creeps me out way more than other transbians. This is also why I took a look at /actuallylesbian after true lesbians was banned, and left. I don't want to discuss relationship dynamics with someone who's secretly male and getting validation from being 'just one of the lesbians'. No thank you.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 22 insightful - 2 fun22 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Hot damn. Can we spell it together, kids: A-G-P. That was an amazing summary, thanks for looking and writing about it! What an amazing case study. I'm saving this one.

edit:

while dropping the 'trans man' hint to make it seem like he is female, no word about his actual trans status. That's incredibly decieving.

THIS!!!!!!!!! THIS is the wording I was looking for! I think this is one of the most deceptive things I've seen a trans person do yet.

[–]winterwillow 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you and you're welcome! You're right, it's very deceptive, and much like any other 'nice guy' he seems to feel entitled to women's time and attention simply by not being as bad as the other transbians. Never ceases to amaze me how these males can act exactly like so many other straight men, while claiming to be the exact opposite.

I wrote a longer reply to another user below about finding his trans account, you'll probably find it interesting as well. I would post his other username but I don't want to break any rules.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 14 insightful - 3 fun14 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

You nailed it. I also got the impression that he has another account when I looked at his profile. This one is curated in a particular way. But he’s a trans-identifying male who mentions having very male fetishes? Yea there’s simply no way he’s staying away from the trans subreddit candyland. Zero. He just uses another account for that. Very Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I was also leaning toward dissociation but as you picked up, there is plenty of indicia that he’s doing this knowingly and purposefully to deceive.

Especially this:

he goes on a lesbian forum posting about feeling like a man, while dropping the 'trans man' hint to make it seem like he is female, no word about his actual trans status. That's incredibly decieving.

You’re absolutely right. I thought “trans man” was awkward phrasing but you’re right, he is deliberately trying to trick women into thinking he’s a “cis” lesbian and misappropriates our own struggles to do so. He probably keeps his accounts separate so he can get close to lesbians to feed his aforementioned male fetishes so that he can get more inspiration for his fetishistic LARPing.

I don't want to discuss relationship dynamics with someone who's secretly male and getting validation from being 'just one of the lesbians'. No thank you.

Throwback to when I tried to get counseling for my internalized homophobia and lesbian struggles and I was assigned to a transbian counselor after they confirmed that I wanted a “female” therapist. Nope.

[–]GoValidateYourselfuseful lesbian 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Throwback to when I tried to get counseling for my internalized homophobia and lesbian struggles and I was assigned to a transbian counselor after they confirmed that I wanted a “female” therapist. Nope.

Oh that's horrible. Did you complain and tell them why?

[–]winterwillow 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you! I read your comment after I posted mine, and I think we both were on to the same thing, that this is a curated account. And I think you're right about it being 'means to an end' i e he wants to larp as a lesbian better.

I did some more poking around in his comments, and it became quite clear that he first made this account to pose as a female/lesbian, for instance, he comments about being afraid to give birth/become a mother on /childfree and about same-sex marriage on Christian subs.

Not to brag about my internet sleuth skills, all I did was search his location + profession in /mtf after poking around but I did find his trans account. It's not all TRA, I hate terfs etc, so not fully Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde, but as I predicted, he doesn't disclose on dating apps. Probably because he is trans med and thinks hrt makes him female. There's a link to a blog with a profile pic, and no way does he pass/is he stealth. His dates after transition has also been mtf. A lot of complaining about being single and not fitting in anywhere.

He's also posted in /detrans that his transition hasn't resulted in anything, if you read between the lines: no cis girlfriend. He keeps describing himself as a nymphomanic/sex addict, but there's little of that on this trans account, so maybe he has a third account for all his porn/fetish stuff.

I found this comment by him that further prove you were right about the larping, from 8 months ago on his old account (his new account is 9 months old):

This is something I've definitely noticed as well. Someone else described how many trans people are like this: Imagine you move to a foreign country but only ever hang out with other expats at expat hangouts, are you really integrating yourself and living in the other country?

So now he's trying to integrate himself into the land of lesbians by posting about being an 'assertive top' and have lesbians assure him it's normal to feel like straight guy. It's so insidious. I would post the username, but would that be doxxing?

(Also good for you for noping out on a transbian therapist, sound like a nightmare.)