ColonizationMtF on another "lesbians" subreddit: "I feel like I'm not attracted to women the same way other woman are" yeah no shit, you have male socialization

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[–]MilkTea 64 insightful - 23 fun64 insightful - 22 fun65 insightful - 23 fun -  (2 children)

sometimes I feel like a straight dude in a lesbian's body... and it makee me feel icky.

That's because you are straight dude in a straight dude's body.

[–]ChunkeeguyTeam T*RF Fuck Yeah 38 insightful - 13 fun38 insightful - 12 fun39 insightful - 13 fun -  (0 children)

And very very icky

[–]VioletRemiCat, homosexual one 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

They are almost self aware, lol. Almost!

[–]GoValidateYourselfuseful lesbian 35 insightful - 5 fun35 insightful - 4 fun36 insightful - 5 fun -  (8 children)

There's a huge physical and visual component to my attraction

You think there isn't a huge physical/visual component of attraction for all women? No woman lacks the physical/visual attraction, we just tend to be a bit quieter/more tactful in the way we talk about it, generally.

"cutesy soft"

No lesbian I know behaves like the "cutesy/soft" stereotype of anime porn. Women and female sexuality are not intrinsically cutesy or soft.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 23 insightful - 2 fun23 insightful - 1 fun24 insightful - 2 fun -  (6 children)

You think there isn't a huge physical/visual component of attraction for all women?

Pop psychology pushes this idea about biological essentialism that men have a stronger visual/physical component of attraction than women. That may be where he is getting the idea from. Personally, I am not convinced by it, but I haven't read the relevant literature.

No lesbian I know behaves like the "cutesy/soft" stereotype of anime porn. Women and female sexuality are not intrinsically cutesy or soft.

Yeah it grosses me out when they talk about women that way.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

The way they use the word “cute” is so far removed from how women use that word. I especially never hear lesbians using the word “cute” in the way they do. It makes my skin crawl but it also sets off alarm bells every time that it’s a trans-identifying male speaking and specifically the female-attracted lesbian-appropriating kind. It never ceases to amaze me what carbon copies of each other they are and how they get their ideas of womanhood from each other (i.e. other men).

[–]MezozoicGayoldschool gay 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

By my observations: many men are using word "cute" as diminutive with meaning something that makes you "awwww" and with meaning from "that's so cute", while many women are using word "cute" as "pretty" or "nice and sweet". Anime fans are using word "cute" with meaning of something childish, powerless and visually appealing. At least when considering people I've interacted with.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I agree with this take and adding that the TW anime fans tends to associate that last description with sex appeal.

[–]DifferentAirGC 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Pop psychology pushes this idea about biological essentialism that men have a stronger visual/physical component of attraction

Incel scholars invented the idea that women don't care about looks at all and just want men who can provide. Yes, they only mention men because for them we lesbians don't even exist.

[–]MezozoicGayoldschool gay 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Not only lesbians, just women in general.

Works of Nietzsche that started many of those pop-psychologies, are completely focusing only on man's libido and man's sexuality. Woman's sexuality is fully described through men there.

In many non-western countries to this day men believing that women sexuality does not exist at all. Clitoris was "found" and became subject of studies only few decades ago.

[–]GoValidateYourselfuseful lesbian 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Pop psychology pushes this idea about biological essentialism that men have a stronger visual/physical component of attraction than women.

I'm not sure this is true, or if it is, to what degree it is actually different. I read it more like he thought women are attracted to "spirit" or "the soul" or personality only, and don't care about physical attraction like men do.

[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 3 fun10 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

I read that to mean that they objectify women.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 28 insightful - 11 fun28 insightful - 10 fun29 insightful - 11 fun -  (3 children)

One quick clarification-- this user actually posted on r/MtF that they are trans and "fully transitioned": https://archive.is/FdT5u

I suppose they could be FtM but it seems unlikely, given that they claim to be a lesbian.

Simultaneously, they say:

I know I'm not a trans man but sometimes I feel like a straight dude in a lesbian's body... and it makee me feel icky.

No, you are not a transman... you're an actual man. It's like he's LARPing as a lesbian so hard that he now feels pressured to transition to a man, like lesbians are.

This is beyond ridiculous.

[–]deliciousdogfoodmy name isnt a puppyplay reference i swear 12 insightful - 5 fun12 insightful - 4 fun13 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

What a recursion.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Yea this person is definitely MtF but next level in how much he’s projecting.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

lol what is ur post history, one post you’re a trans woman and now you’re questioning if you’re a trans man?? which is it

That whole sub-thread.

[–]winterwillow 28 insightful - 3 fun28 insightful - 2 fun29 insightful - 3 fun -  (5 children)

Checked the user's post history. He post about loving to tell stories, and now he's telling himself (and others) the ultimate story about himself as a lesbian.

Examples: Post that he's the 'token gay friend' in his circle of friends, but since he only came out as trans three years ago and has had his friends for way longer the truth is more that they're a group of straight people, he transitioned, he isn't token anything.

Claims to be 'fully transitioned and stealth' without GRS, which is an oxymoron, claims to pass as an 'androgynous tomboy' but has immense imposter syndrome and transitioned as a 25 year old so probably don't, posts about how he can only feel like a lesbian in settings where there are no other trans people around, when another 'trans woman' arrives, the illusion (or his delusions) is shattered.

Posts about telling stories that works on parties and dates, but also post about having only been on one date since transitioning 3 years ago. He seem to have latched on to the idea that he should have been born not only a woman, but specifically a lesbian, that if he just had the female body he would be ok just being himself and still be attractive to women, as a 'soft butch' or something.

And in a way it's easier to feel sympathy for him than the loud mouth 'girl dick' 'big tiddies' transbians, but at the same time, he goes on a lesbian forum posting about feeling like a man, while dropping the 'trans man' hint to make it seem like he is female, no word about his actual trans status. That's incredibly decieving. He also post about feeling like a man when he's angry, and that he has a short temper and is aggressive sexually.

That makes me think him going on dating sites catfishing lesbians and throwing fits when they're not interested has most likely happened during these three dateless years. He might very well have two reddit accounts, one with all his trans history and a lot of hatred of women, and this one, his 'real lesbian' account where he's all 'poor me, am I too aggressive, I'm just like you, will someone like me, I'm insecure'.

All in all, this level of deception (or if I'm being nice dissociation, but that doesn't make it any less unsettling) creeps me out way more than other transbians. This is also why I took a look at /actuallylesbian after true lesbians was banned, and left. I don't want to discuss relationship dynamics with someone who's secretly male and getting validation from being 'just one of the lesbians'. No thank you.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 22 insightful - 2 fun22 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Hot damn. Can we spell it together, kids: A-G-P. That was an amazing summary, thanks for looking and writing about it! What an amazing case study. I'm saving this one.

edit:

while dropping the 'trans man' hint to make it seem like he is female, no word about his actual trans status. That's incredibly decieving.

THIS!!!!!!!!! THIS is the wording I was looking for! I think this is one of the most deceptive things I've seen a trans person do yet.

[–]winterwillow 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you and you're welcome! You're right, it's very deceptive, and much like any other 'nice guy' he seems to feel entitled to women's time and attention simply by not being as bad as the other transbians. Never ceases to amaze me how these males can act exactly like so many other straight men, while claiming to be the exact opposite.

I wrote a longer reply to another user below about finding his trans account, you'll probably find it interesting as well. I would post his other username but I don't want to break any rules.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 14 insightful - 3 fun14 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

You nailed it. I also got the impression that he has another account when I looked at his profile. This one is curated in a particular way. But he’s a trans-identifying male who mentions having very male fetishes? Yea there’s simply no way he’s staying away from the trans subreddit candyland. Zero. He just uses another account for that. Very Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I was also leaning toward dissociation but as you picked up, there is plenty of indicia that he’s doing this knowingly and purposefully to deceive.

Especially this:

he goes on a lesbian forum posting about feeling like a man, while dropping the 'trans man' hint to make it seem like he is female, no word about his actual trans status. That's incredibly decieving.

You’re absolutely right. I thought “trans man” was awkward phrasing but you’re right, he is deliberately trying to trick women into thinking he’s a “cis” lesbian and misappropriates our own struggles to do so. He probably keeps his accounts separate so he can get close to lesbians to feed his aforementioned male fetishes so that he can get more inspiration for his fetishistic LARPing.

I don't want to discuss relationship dynamics with someone who's secretly male and getting validation from being 'just one of the lesbians'. No thank you.

Throwback to when I tried to get counseling for my internalized homophobia and lesbian struggles and I was assigned to a transbian counselor after they confirmed that I wanted a “female” therapist. Nope.

[–]GoValidateYourselfuseful lesbian 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Throwback to when I tried to get counseling for my internalized homophobia and lesbian struggles and I was assigned to a transbian counselor after they confirmed that I wanted a “female” therapist. Nope.

Oh that's horrible. Did you complain and tell them why?

[–]winterwillow 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you! I read your comment after I posted mine, and I think we both were on to the same thing, that this is a curated account. And I think you're right about it being 'means to an end' i e he wants to larp as a lesbian better.

I did some more poking around in his comments, and it became quite clear that he first made this account to pose as a female/lesbian, for instance, he comments about being afraid to give birth/become a mother on /childfree and about same-sex marriage on Christian subs.

Not to brag about my internet sleuth skills, all I did was search his location + profession in /mtf after poking around but I did find his trans account. It's not all TRA, I hate terfs etc, so not fully Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde, but as I predicted, he doesn't disclose on dating apps. Probably because he is trans med and thinks hrt makes him female. There's a link to a blog with a profile pic, and no way does he pass/is he stealth. His dates after transition has also been mtf. A lot of complaining about being single and not fitting in anywhere.

He's also posted in /detrans that his transition hasn't resulted in anything, if you read between the lines: no cis girlfriend. He keeps describing himself as a nymphomanic/sex addict, but there's little of that on this trans account, so maybe he has a third account for all his porn/fetish stuff.

I found this comment by him that further prove you were right about the larping, from 8 months ago on his old account (his new account is 9 months old):

This is something I've definitely noticed as well. Someone else described how many trans people are like this: Imagine you move to a foreign country but only ever hang out with other expats at expat hangouts, are you really integrating yourself and living in the other country?

So now he's trying to integrate himself into the land of lesbians by posting about being an 'assertive top' and have lesbians assure him it's normal to feel like straight guy. It's so insidious. I would post the username, but would that be doxxing?

(Also good for you for noping out on a transbian therapist, sound like a nightmare.)

[–]ChunkeeguyTeam T*RF Fuck Yeah 15 insightful - 6 fun15 insightful - 5 fun16 insightful - 6 fun -  (2 children)

sometimes makes me feel like man

Ah yes but there's no right way to be a "lesbian"

[–]blackrainbow 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's true but you have to be female and like girls.

[–]blackrainbow 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's true but you have to be female and like girls.

[–]blackrainbow 14 insightful - 5 fun14 insightful - 4 fun15 insightful - 5 fun -  (2 children)

He also wrote a book (an agp fantasy)

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Omg lol. Wow. Did he post about it? I'm amazed you found that. I don't know what to say.

[–]blackrainbow 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's in his history

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 14 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

edit: archive link for post: https://archive.is/S8Le3

edit2: archive link for this user's post on r/MtF, in case you wanted proof: https://archive.is/FdT5u

This post is actually from a sub called "actuallylesbian" which is NOT the same as the AL many of us know and love (jk), "actuallesbians". I originally balked at posting about it because I thought it might get banned but decided to anyway, after discovering it's pro-trans and a lot of the users on there are trans, just like on AL.

The sub "actuallylesbians" differs from AL in that:

  • they seem to define "lesbian" as exclusive attraction to the "gender identity" that they call "woman", whereas many people on AL

  • sub is pro-trans and many users on there are trans people tired of AL's trans-obsession-- which says a lot, if even trans people are getting tired of AL's trans-obsession...

  • sub is supposedly meant to focus on "lesbian" topics although how you're gonna do that when a significant chunk of your users are autogynephilic men is a mystery to me.

My guess is that "actuallylesbian" won't get shut down because it's pro-trans. I was hoping this would be another one like r/biologicallesbians away from all the drama and for actual ("cis") lesbians, but unfortunately not.

[–]Rosefield 16 insightful - 6 fun16 insightful - 5 fun17 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

Actuallesbians, lesbianactually, actuallylesbian...it's all the same penis shaped nightmare.

[–]hermiona52 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Honestly, this sub is not bad. Trans topic rarely comes up and I check it out every day. It's the best we can hope from Reddit this days. Not much, but at least something.

[–]QueenBread 13 insightful - 2 fun13 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

When I was like 16 years old, I half-jokingly half-seriously called myself "a gay man in a woman's body".

Of course, eventually you become an adult and realize you're just a woman in a woman's body, no matter how gender nonconforming you are.

The question is, will the person here manage to become an adult before ruining his body with random experimental unnecessary hormone therapy?

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

This user has struck a nerve in me because it feels like he’s misappropriating and making a mockery of my own life. It’s quite gross honestly. So many posts about not feeling like he belongs in LGBT spaces and being the only “token gay” and hanging around nothing but “cis straight” individuals and couples, something that’s only recently changed for me.

I didn’t meet an out lesbian until I was 25. I so rarely come across lesbians in the wild based on hobbies, interests, etc. That really did a number on me and made me feel like even though being gay isn’t a bad thing, and I never thought it was, that I had to be something different because I couldn’t relate to anyone and was totally invisible.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I COMPLETELY agree.

I feel like I've seen this pattern before where some of the MtFs who seem to have better writing skills have more intricate webs of false narratives they tell about themselves being their sex-that-they're-trying-to-pretend-to-be (how do I truncate that lol). They take the memes they see at a superficial level-- all "uwu"s and "holding hands is scandalous" and "token gay" and they have no idea why those memes came to be and don't realize that most of them are vastly exaggerated or were even just jokes not grounded in reality. They don't know, because they've never had these experiences, because they are not lesbian/gay/bisexual.

I didn’t meet an out lesbian until I was 25.

I feel you. I was lucky to meet one in high school but I have met only like 2 since (3 if you count the self-described "lesbian" who had sex with men, lol, which I don't). I was taught being gay/lesbian is evil all through growing up, and it's only been like 5 years or something since I last heard those messages... so that's still pretty impactful to me, lmao.

This "Morgan Snow" person is to lesbians what Rachel Dolezal is to African Americans. (I should put something like that as my flair, lol.) MtFs warping our experiences and silencing our voices.

[–]Constantine 6 insightful - 4 fun6 insightful - 3 fun7 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Oh God I saw this when he first posted. It struck me as off and then I got to a downvoted comment calling him out for being trans. The whole charade has really come full circle here, lmao. “I feel like a straight man.” Oh yeah, no fucking shit, Sherlock.

[–]cervix 6 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 3 fun -  (6 children)

Maybe I misread but even after sleuthing in their profile I don't think that user if mtf. She even says she swears she's "not ftm", something that would seem pretty odd for an mtf to say. Anyway I'm pretty high rn so maybe I'm missing something.

[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Found it.... BUT...

https://www.reddit.com/r/MtF/comments/jc9vgm/semicloseted_trans_student/

I'm fully transitioned minus SRS and stealth, and I don't know if she has any idea I'm trans or not.

This poster is... definitely very unique. Seems to have a lot of emotional intelligence, but at the same time, can't quite pull off a consistent story. The veracity of their posts is certainly questionable, despite the welcoming, openness they comport themselves with. It's almost as if there are two or more people running the same account. IDK. Something strange with this one.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

At first glance this user almost comes across as reasonable in his various posts because he seems so close to self-awareness, but it just ends up coming across as “not like other trans.” The bar for transbians is so low at this point because they all have so many comorbid sexual perversions that it’s just seeping out of them and I have to expect that when I click one profile I’m going to get photos of dicks in cages. This user is different because while he references the fact that he has very male fetishes, from what I saw he doesn’t describe them (at least on this account). So he has more consciousness of his image. It’s just fascinating because every word he uses to describe himself seems to be typical straight male and he essentially indicates that that’s his friend group too. It’s one of those scenarios that someone who hasn’t peaked yet would think he’s not reinforcing gender stereotypes because he’s so thoroughly male despite having a trans woman self-identity. Now I know better.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Nope you're not high, this person's just being ridiculous! edit: I misread, sounds like you are actually high, regardless of this post, hahaha.

The user posted on r/MtF saying that they are "fully transitioned" and "stealth": https://archive.is/FdT5u

So they are transgender, either FtM or MtF. I suppose they could be a FtM but then why would they hang out on a "lesbians" sub and claim to be lesbian? (Also, they describe themselves as a "top" which is typical parlance of MtFs but few lesbians would describe themselves as.)

[–]cervix 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

Wow this is starting to sound like way too much circumgender convolution for my Ambien-soaked brain. My bad.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yeah, this doesn't seem like ideal material to be tripping on, hahaha. Hope you're doing well, friend.

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Nope you're not high,

They're high AF. =)

this person's just being ridiculous

That's certainly true.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think the last time I felt this bad for someone while also finding them so incredibly creepy was Jeffrey Dahmer.