I'm really glad this sub is bipartisan

submitted by Lesbianese⚢ from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 12 insightful - 7 fun12 insightful - 6 fun13 insightful - 7 fun -  (9 children)

bipartisan

Shhh, this sub has a bias against anything bi, don't say that out loud!

Also I wouldn't say this sub is truly open; different ideas can and do get shut down. Less so now that there's no downvote. On the original reddit sub your post would be buried with downvotes if you even remotely expressed you're not a leftist or don't support radical feminism.

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑 7 insightful - 4 fun7 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 4 fun -  (7 children)

Others: "Fuck bisexuals they sleep around!!"

Bi people: Well, actually no I am happy in a monogamous relationship and don't cheat. It's not any different from others sexualities chea---

Others: "Well, bisexual people are gross and have man/woman residue, we don't want your gay/straight cooties"

Bi people: Okay...so you can sleep with multiple people and not be considered to have cooties, but we slept with the opposite/same-sex one time and now we---

Others: "Yeah, well, doesn't matter, you're going to leave us for the opposite/same-sex"

Bi people: What if the person of the opposite/same-sex leave the bi person, what's the diff--

Others: "WOW!! We're not obligated to date you!! So why are you telling us what to do!?"

Bi people: We're not...you can date whoever you want. We don't care if you date us or not, it's just we don't like being stereotyped as this crazy, promiscuous, attention-seeking, infected by sexual diseases people.

Others: "WELL, you have nothing to worry about because you're one of the good ones"

Bi people: Isn't that rather...biphobic?

Others: "LOL biphobia doesn't exist!"

Bi people: Okaaay, cool. See ya later.

Inb4 someone says "I'm not biphobic for XYZ" or "you're making a strawman argument!".

What are your thoughts on radical feminism by the way? I'm conflicted myself...I agree with some of the things they say but not completely. Occassionally, I hear very...off-coloured stuff that is very disheartening to hear.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Yep. That's sums up about 90% of gay men/lesbians on this sub it seems. I also don't agree with their idea that: - sleeping with the opposite sex once - being attracted to the opposite sex once - thinking about the opposite sex in a curious or non-negative way once

makes you bisexual. By that logic I'm bi since I used to date women and it wasn't omg literally torture. I just wasn't into it.

I've seen some people expressed total confusion over the fact that I'm a homosexual male who not only doesn't hate bi people, but actively will stick up for them against biphobic bullshit.

Also, I think everyone should have the right to not date whoever they choose, and honestly if they say "I don't date bi people" they're probably a shithead you don't want to get involved with anyway, but I genuinely don't understand that stance, because given the choice I'd much rather date a bi guy than a gay one. Simply BECAUSE bi guys are more likely to have some experience with both sexes, and being a very feminine guy, a bi guy might actually respect & like women while gay guys are quite often sexist, and project that sexism onto feminine men.

Plus I can't stand nor understand "gay culture" or the "gay community" so I feel totally alienated and unwanted by gay men. There doesn't seem to be "bi culture" from what I've seen, and at the risk of getting flamed in the comments, in my experience bi people are more likely to act normal and not make an entire obnoxious identity out of their sexuality. (Again, that's telling from this sub. Countless posts from lesbians/gay guys about how being lesbian/gay is literally their life and if a bi person DARES to mislabel themselves lesbian/gay OH MY GOD THEY ARE PERSONALLY HATEFULLY ATTACKING ME, but I've never seen that level of obsession with bi posters.)

I think radical feminism is a dangerous ideology. Yes, sometimes they have good points (porn is bad, gender is bad, etc) but only in the same way that super conservative Christians also think that gender is bad.

Radical feminism being a hateful, cult-like ideology is probably the only thing I agree with on TRAs. While I think it's bad that free speech is being censored on sites like Reddit, and people should absolutely not be silenced for trivial shit like "transphobia", I can't say I oppose radfems having their echo chambers banned and "deplatformed" (kicked out of mainstream sites) in the same way that the alt-right communities were.

Radical feminism is pretty much proof of horseshoe theory; they are the leftist version of the right wing "traditionalists" who claim not to be racist/sexist/whatever but then advocate for male & white supremacy. Except with radfems its flipped and they're female supremacists, some unironically talk about making female only countries (lol) and letting males die off. Interestingly though they're also very white-focused and they can't focus on non-Western, REAL women's issues for five minutes before snapping back to "hurrgh this guy I talked to online is a misogynist lesbophobe because he said my echo chamber community was bad" or "omg this bi bitch in my womyn born womyn crystal healing group calls herself a lesbian she is LITERALLY oppressing me, fuck this handmaiden cock-worshipping whore I hope she dies"

[–]Lesbianese⚢[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

"omg this bi bitch in my womyn born womyn crystal healing group calls herself a lesbian she is LITERALLY oppressing me, fuck this handmaiden cock-worshipping whore I hope she dies"

Bahaha! That's so accurate. As if their personality wasn't bad enough, they also have to be into woowoo shit like that and have a fetish for witches.

I spent some time looking at radfem lesbian blogs earlier this year, mainly because they were most vocal about TRA homophobia and yeesh. They constantly obsessed over who was a real lesbian, saying that you could only be a lesbian if you were a gold star who has never even see a penis. Even if you are a True and Honest Lesbian, I can't imagine that not making you uncomfortable.

Bi people get some totally unnecessary shit thrown their way, especially in those radfem circles. If a bi woman even breathes on you, you're tainted and can't be a lesbian anymore. Fucking morons.

[–]SickOfThisShitNow 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I think what you are seeing is a push back against radfem beliefs that any woman can identify as (or in their words "become") a lesbian if she abstains from sex with men for political reasons. So their belief (or at least the mainstream radical feminist belief) is that a woman that is attracted to men but chooses not to have sex with men is a lesbian. It's called "political lesbianism" but these days they just call themselves lesbians rather than political lesbians and it is now predominantly bisexual women who choose to only have sex with women because they hate men who call themselves lesbians. They redefine being a lesbian as being about hating men and have basically created something call lesbian feminism which doesn't really represent the interests of or experiences of actual lesbians. And some of them are genuinely lesbophobic. But you can't challenge their lesbophobia or say that their feminism isn't actually representing lesbians because they all identify as being lesbians. Meanwhile on the queer side, you also get both heterosexual and bisexual women who identify as lesbians (eg because they are dating a transbian who finds that validating) and shame actual lesbians as transphobic genital fetishists because we're not attracted to males. It's not surprising that many lesbians are now trying to gatekeep the language under these circumstances. It's not meant to exclude actual lesbians who have had sex with a man in their past (although some people want to muddy the water by claiming it is) but I think it does make lesbians more wary of someone who has had a lot of past male partners and says they are a lesbian and, if I was getting to know someone like that, I'd probably want to weigh them up to work out if they are either a) man-hating "political lesbian" or b) one of the queer words-mean-whatever-you-want-them-to-mean types. In my case, I would be open to dating a bisexual woman but someone who lies about their sexuality or potentially thinks that words just have no meaning and everyone can just identify as whatever they want definitely isn't for me.

[–]Lesbianese⚢[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I get what you're saying, I've thought about it some myself. I think the women I was seeing were going way too far though. Just obsessing over it and being unnecessarily cruel to random women who didn't recognize their lesbianism the moment they were born. I feel they're over-correcting.

I would be open to dating a bisexual woman but someone who lies about their sexuality or potentially thinks that words just have no meaning and everyone can just identify as whatever they want definitely isn't for me.

That's understandable to me. I feel the same way.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yep. That's sums up about 90% of gay men/lesbians on this sub it seems. I also don't agree with their idea that: - sleeping with the opposite sex once - being attracted to the opposite sex once - thinking about the opposite sex in a curious or non-negative way once makes you bisexual. By that logic I'm bi since I used to date women and it wasn't omg literally torture. I just wasn't into it.

Ehh this is a massive exaggeration of a hot take for this space IMO. I can't speak for the gay men in here, but that would be an unpopular opinion in s/Lesbians. I'm open about the fact that I was in a relationship with a guy for a long time who I married, and no one has tried to tell me I'm not a lesbian in here.

One thing you need to keep in mind about lesbian gate-keeping is that we do get some weird non-lesbian people invading lesbian spaces and posting a bunch of questionable and off-putting stuff, misrepresenting us, and trying to speak on our behalf, so I can understand people being suspicious, especially when we can all see what happened to r/actuallesbians. So I don't take it personally when people scrutinize my situation because I know my story checks out, and anyone who would write me off because of it is not someone whose approval I need. All of this being said, I will not deny that there are lesbians who are aggressively and paranoically anti-bisexual, including some who I have seen post here, and who seem to enjoy any excuse to make anti-bisexual generalizations. But I also see resistance to those comments.

I also know that many lesbians who post in here distinguish in their minds between the more homophobic and/or TRA bisexual types and the bisexuals who post here and are normal human beings who are not part of the problem. Though they don't repeat this in every comment they make about bisexuals. And for my own part, I also constantly point out that many of the worst faux girldick-exalting lesbians are not bisexual women, but heterosexual women and that this often gets unfairly projected on bi people.

And I did think of myself as some flavor of bisexual before I realized I was just a lesbian, so I have been immersed in both the bisexual and lesbian perspectives on the areas of tension. And because I'm an utter nerd and fun at parties, I think there is a lot to be gained by having a formal dialogue/open Q&A about these issues between lesbian and bisexual women because I can absolutely see both sides and how problematic individuals on both sides stoke the flames and entrench the rest of us even further into our positions.

I invite anyone to challenge me on any of this. I'm not trying to shut down this discussion.

[–]insta 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Bi guys are the biggest closeted bottoms.

Change my mind.