LifestyleHow to remain confident as a Gender Nonconforming guy?

submitted by Kai_Decadence from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I'm actually 29, not 21 lol But yeah I generally do just that. I focus on my art and it helps but there are days where I start to think about all this kinda stuff and it does bring me down a bit, especially when I have to go to work and continue to deal with some customers who treat me "less than" (and I know it's because of how I look because they don't act that way towards my other guy coworkers who do look masculine/"normal").

Also maybe look for other souls that are a bit more like yourself, and see how that works?

See I've tried but where I live, it's like overrun with these trans-identified men and women, I can't find other feminine guys like myself who aren't involved in the gender nonsense. I've only come across one Lesbian who doesn't buy into the trans stuff but she eventually moved away...

[–]MiaXiang 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

29 is hard too! It tends to get better after that.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I really hope so lol Like I mentioned in my opening post, I genuinely like myself, it's just the circumstances that I'm struggling with lol

[–]divingrightintowork 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Aww - hopefully my friend will reach out on insta -let me know if that's ok or not (though I can't promise she will) - that said I do know a couple of effeminate gay men who kept rocking that into their 30s and seemed to have done ok - as for work stuff and maybe other days too - it looks like you really glam up things and don't take it the wrong way but maybe sometimes just find some sort of like "Minimal look," that only takes 5 minutes of prep time or something, like no styling and comfy sports wear or something. Play around with different expressions, play around with code switching and see how that goes. It doesn't make you less-you, but sometimes it can make your life easier to tailor yourself to the situation (don't take that the wrong way I hope. It isn't meant that way). What happens when you present more andro, or lazy masc, or lazy femme?

I don't know where you are so it's hard to suggest specific social scenes but I've managed to cultivate a pretty diverse friend group in my area in the North East - big cities are easier.

It's definitely hard to escape the trans-sanity, I downplay my beliefs or don't share them with a lot of friends - as I don't need my friends to all have the same beliefs as me (trust me I've unfollowed tons of people on Facebook, I don't like them less and we still hang out and talk, I just don't need to see them screaming about gender nonesense or what an awful person JK is).

What is your art? What other hobbies do you have? Have you ever looked at meetups for things where gender/sex isn't really going to be relevant?

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

that said I do know a couple of effeminate gay men who kept rocking that into their 30s and seemed to have done ok

I'm actually not too worried about aging into my 30s and thinking I have to give up my style because I've seen plenty of examples to help transition a style while still keeping it "you" sortaspeak.

as for work stuff and maybe other days too - it looks like you really glam up things and don't take it the wrong way but maybe sometimes just find some sort of like "Minimal look," that only takes 5 minutes of prep time or something, like no styling and comfy sports wear or something.

If you're talking about in the context of my work, I don't always "glam" up. It's kinda hard to explain unless you mean by me wearing my necklaces and my waist belt which are usually my every day accessories. Like honestly as far as a non work outfits goes, somewthing like this or this (Only without the vest would be what I call casual in the context of my own style]

And on the on the contrary it really doesn't take me that long to get ready but that's probably because I've dressing the way I do for a long time now lol. Still though, while I get what you're saying, it still does resort to me having to subdue myself and again, please don't take this as a way of me saying you're telling me not to be myself, I'm very aware of what you mean but see, this kinda thing does play into how this "Transwoman" stuff cna happen.

Like I know you said you have a more androgynous-masculine style and it's the kind of style you like and that's cool. But then there are guys like me who prefer having a more feminine style which will always be seen as more extreme than a woman who prefers to dress in a more masculine manner. So for some guys who desperately want to present in a feminine way, they'll feel like they must be women in order to look the way they want without getitng judged because women can look as feminine as they want and receive not much backlash and guys like myself want that freedom because we just want to do with androgynous/masculine women do only on the opposite end. I hope this makes sense.

And again, I don't always look "glam" which I think you are referencing more of my lace ensembles that incorporate my lace kimono and shawl but still, my toned down looks still do stand out because I hate wearing "Men's clothing", I hate baggy looks on myself and I like how "women's" clothing fit my frame. Like to expand it...

hat happens when you present more andro, or lazy masc, or lazy femme?

I can't speak on Masculine because I hate the masculine style on myself but when I do "lazy femme", it's usually just my sweaters with some skinny jeans, bell bottoms, or boot cut trousers (mind you 99% of my wardrobe is "women's" clothing), my waist belt (though not always), and my boots, flip flops, or black sneakers (usually worn with my bells or boot cut trousers, never skinny jeans lol). Oh and my necklace though like the waist belt, not always.

Point is, I don't always dress eccentric but even my casual looks can still be seen as "eccentric" since it's form fitting clothing on a guy whereas most male fashion is looser or not as form fitting.

It's definitely hard to escape the trans-sanity, I downplay my beliefs or don't share them with a lot of friends - as I don't need my friends to all have the same beliefs as me (trust me I've unfollowed tons of people on Facebook, I don't like them less and we still hang out and talk, I just don't need to see them screaming about gender nonesense or what an awful person JK is).

I see. Yeah I usually never even talk about the gender stuff on my Facebook. The only time I did was when I came out in support of JK Rowling & Maya Forstater which was when I came out saying that I don't buy into Transgender ideology. Aside from that, I can't recall ever speaking up on it there. And the only person in my public life who knows my views is my Gay fraternal twin brother and yeah, I can see he definitely doesn't like my views because whenever he brings up Blaire White who he's a big fan of, I just call him by male pronouns and he doesn't like that but yeah, that's really the extent.

But yeah, I don't need all friends to agree with me on it but I just don't want people telling me hut like you, I just don't want to hear people bitching about JK Rowling or Gender crap which is why I'm not as active on Facebook these days lol.

What is your art? What other hobbies do you have? Have you ever looked at meetups for things where gender/sex isn't really going to be relevant?

Well see my hobbies are geeky. With art, I'm mostly into animation and character design so I mostly do work on that (character design, don't know much about animation yet lol). My other hobbies include playing video games (Retro gamer though, I'm not much of an online player), and listening to music or watching movies. I admit that I've always been pretty introverted.