LifestyleTrying to figure out my sexuality but everywhere else is just steeped in queer theory BS

submitted by Constantine from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Just commenting again to say your entire comment was fantastic. You highlighted all the red flags I was feeling as I was reading that doc. It really does feel like it was written by someone who wishes they were lesbian, not an actual lesbian.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I'm glad you found the analysis on-point. Can I ask, as a bisexual, if you had found this document in some context where it wasn't being presented as flawed, and in fact was being held up as gospel, do you have a sense of what your thoughts about the MasterDoc might be? Do you think it would influence how you felt about your sexual orientation at all? On r/LBL this document is pinned in the side bar as THE way to determine if you're a lesbian (Along with another really horrible and weird list discussed in s/lesbians here. On the Lesbian Chronicles podcast, when asked how they realized they were gay and why it took them so long to come out, they just point to the MasterDoc as having all the answers. From what I've heard of the many episodes of the podcast I listened to and from searching the episode descriptions, they never address the actual circumstances of them realizing they were lesbians and deciding to leave their marriages to men, particularly Melisa who claims she had "no idea" that she was gay. The other, Ally, says she basically always knew she was gay but that she felt there was no way for her to be gay and out. That itself is not too crazy. She's from a religious family in the South of the U.S., but then she also makes it seem like she was waiting until she was done having children with her husband and her kids were old enough that there was not so much reason for her to be a stay-at-home mom (she had 4 in total that were reasonably spaced out). It's just all really weird because the entire podcast is largely them trying to sell lesbian as a lifestyle.

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

if you had found this document in some context where it wasn't being presented as flawed,

That's actually the perspective I had when I initially found the document because I Googled it right after reading the OP and before reading the comment I replied to above, so I came upon it with clueless eyes, and it had the endorsement of the late bloomer sub, so I had no reason to doubt it. I honestly thought I was about to read a legendary tome of lesbian secrets, and then I'm reading and it's like....................... "Yeah gurl, you can totally like male characters and be attracted to them and still be lesbian..." Like... WHAT????

It took me about two minutes to go from "Ooh, I found a lesbian treasure!" to "Ew! I stepped in some doo-doo!" That's why I came back here like "Hey... Um... Lesbians? What do you think about this?" because it's like... What even is the difference between a lesbian and a bisexual who chooses to be female-partner-only if everything in that document is the real truth? In my head, a lesbian is a woman who has neverevereveverever been sexually attracted to a male EVER. Not even once. (Except maybe by mistake/confusion/duress? IDK, I'm willing to consider extreme-scenario loopholes, since I'm not a lesbian and don't feel comfortable speaking over them.) But to me, it's extremely black and white what a lesbian is. There is no grey. This entire document is grey grey grey. And it is written in a specific way as to open the gate wiiiiide open to let all the self-identifiers in.

But I'm 40 with lots of IRL experience so it's easy for me to see through the bullshit. I am so scared for these young girls who are reading this and gobbling it up!

EDIT - The new list you linked - hooooly shit. A lot of those don't even sound like bisexual women, they sound like straight women who are tired of having horrible sex with man-babies who probably don't even wash their asses properly after using the toilet. There is an epidemic of worthless undateable men out there making straight women miserable, just go to /r/femaledatingstrategy to see what I mean. (And gay/bi bros, I'm not talking about you or about all the men, this is just a very virulent strain of domesticated fuckboy.)

[–]Constantine[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This perfectly encapsulates all of the concerns I had about the doc. I'm very glad I came here. I mean honestly, a straight woman in an unfulfilling relationship with the wrong man could end up thinking she's a lesbian based on that thing.

edit: spelling