BisexualOpinions on hetero/homoflexibility

submitted by BiHorror from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–]Ladis_Wascheharuum 14 insightful - 3 fun14 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 3 fun -  (10 children)

Yes, it's real and valid. (And I know that sentence sounds like a TRA but hear me out.)

Labels are valid when they communicate some useful information about something. When someone says they're heteroflexible I get a good idea of what they mean: They are mostly heterosexual but may occasionally have homosexual urges or behaviors. There's nothing wrong with that, and there's nothing wrong with putting a label to it.

Labels are bad when they are so esoteric that they need to be defined nearly every time they're used, or when they lack a consistent definition altogether and can be anything. All the stargenders are useless because they fall into at least one, and usually both, of those categories.

I also think the "bisexual" label is a bit questionable around the edges, the Kinsey 1s and 5s. Sure you can say that a bisexual is anyone who isn't completely hetero or homosexual, but that covers a lot of ground. Is a man who has only ever had hetero relationships and watches almost only hetero porn, but a couple of times a year looks at a picture of a twink just to get started (but can't actually finish with that so switches back to women) still a bisexual? Does it really communicate anything useful for him to call himself that? Are we applying a "one drop" (of precum) rule here? I'd call him "mostly straight", but with a just a little bit of homosexual attraction.

I want to reinforce this point: Labels aren't inherently bad. It's about getting useful concepts condensed into widely-known words. I don't see a problem with hetero/homoflexible being used for the Kinsey 1s and 5s.

Of course there are also people who would use these labels out of shame and to hide what they really are, but that's a more general problem. Lots of gays and lesbians call themselves "bi" for years because they don't want to admit, often to themselves, that they are gay.

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 14 insightful - 3 fun14 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 3 fun -  (5 children)

You know what? This is a great point. If people are Kinsey1/Kinsey5 and rarely think about and never plan on doing anything with same/opposite sex, why force them to call themselves bisexual? It's like calling someone who ate a cupcake one time (or someone who looked at a picture of a cupcake one time and though "hmm... I might like to eat that...") a "cupcake enthusiast." Maybe just let the actual cupcake enthusiasts have that label, and let the cupcake-adjacent individuals call themselves cupcake-flexible, right?

It can be like Bisexual is the umbrella term, and hetero/homoflexible fits underneath it.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I think that's exactly how the terms are used. They are just understood as the fringes of bisexuality.

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I admit this has been less than a handful of times (can't be more than 3 or 4) and all in the past (the most recent probably 3-4 years ago) where I've seen people go "I'm heteroflexibe hurr hurr" in a jokey-way because they just DO NOT want to call themselves "Bisexual" because to them bisexual has too much baggage (and also I feel like they just didn't feel bisexual enough to fully commit to the "bisexual" label) back then there was a whole thing about celebrities like Raven Symone calling themselves Queer/Pansexual/"I don't want to label myself" basically ANYTHING BUT "bisexual" despite fitting that definition, and it really started making bisexual people feel insulted. But you say hetero/homoflexible people see themselves as under the bi-umbrella nowadays, that makes me happy. For such a long time these types of people made the rest of us feel like they think "bisexual" is a dirty word, they're actively trying to distance themselves from it.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Gay fringe and straight fringe mark very different social boundaries tho and are very significant to homos.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Random heterosexuals who slept with same sex didn’t used to call themselves anything because it wasn’t significant to them since they never intended to date same sex.

When it comes to homosexuals this behaviour is a lot more significant and threatening to other homosexuals because our pool is so tiny, and full of tourists, and we have a lot of fear around the issue. I think it is much more important to be true to your attractions within the community, or at least tell your partner you’re bisexual but same sex preferring. “Homoflexible” sounds like a bisexual person being biphobic from my homosexual perspective. I really want more bisexual women to stick around with us, and I feel like all this granular label stuff creates even more distrust from lesbians. Lol. I rolled my eyes when I saw the words because the only place I have ever seen them was in fetish-related communities.

[–]BiHorror[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Lol, I loved that cupcake example of yours. But yeah, I get it. I was thinking more on it before I commented back to responds and I can see that.

[–]quickbeam 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

This is the way I most frequently see heteroflexible used, often in an effort not to overly appropriate bisexuality.

[–]reluctant_commenter 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That actually makes a lot of sense, it seems more respectful to me in a way. People trying to not imply something they're not. Also, I have heard many people accuse bisexuals of being too heavily skewed towards one side or another and being "actually straight" for example.

[–]BiHorror[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That I can see where you're coming from. Honestly I think the way I saw it (how I worded my questions) was gotta annoyance and kinda jealousy surprisingly. Although, as i said, I can see where you're coming from but isn't it kinda weird/fucked to be comparing that to the one drop rule? Especially with the whole historical context.

Anywho, I wouldn't force a label on them. I am actually kinda glad they DO have their own label (its just generally the people who i do see using them are those who are attention seekers. I never actually met someone who used the label genuinely to label themselves). But then I wonder, since they do still have hetero/homo experiences, could be allowed to weigh in some topics of LGB. If there are those who do take the experiences further. Like how someone made a post about asexuals (those who were attracted romantically to the same sex though) weighing in/being actively apart of LGB.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Do you have a link to the thread about asexuals?

Edit: Nvm it was posted today. Derp.