Targeting / HarassmentGuy posts about social pressure that lead to partner's suicide as a reason to have LGB exclusive forums. GenderCynical poster only shows the last 2 paragraphs out of 6, removing all context relating to his partner.

submitted by MarkJeffersonTight defenses and we draw the line from i.imgur.com

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[–]markiemarcus 40 insightful - 1 fun40 insightful - 0 fun41 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I appreciate that, thank you. He was cut short and deserved the world. His parents do have blood on their hands; it was a nightmare situation at the time, but it was also impossible to fully vent my anger. One's better instincts kick in, whether we want them to or not. I started to question what was going through their heads; fundamentally, they still lost a son and I think they knew it was their fault. Still, I had a complete nervous breakdown over the course of the next year. I haven't seen his parents in 14 years; I don't think I could look at them again to be completely honest. Different days at the cemetery etc. so I try to avoid it.

The LGB+T groups we went to at the time unfortunately didn't help the situation. They would run these group counselling sessions and I think we attended about a dozen. Maybe a little less than that. I wouldn't say that any of them were constructive for the reasons I've already laid out, but I recall being absolutely mortified at one in particular. I could see that he was upset so we left and never returned. We had to find the money for more private therapy sessions (there's a waiting list in the public system) which helped to some degree, but I think he just felt so alienated at that point that us, being just us, wasn't enough. He needed a group of his peers, really. Lots of common experiences, something to really break that feeling of isolation and not have people constantly talking about their transitions; that really messed with his head given the circumstances. I really don't have any beef with most Trans people, I wish them well, I have a problem with this style of activism that insists that every single gay/lesbian/bisexual space has to be trans inclusive, when there are very, very good reasons for them to be separate.

I'm doing quite well these days, but it took a long time and you're certainly not the same after. The nightmares can be fucking awful and frequent.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 25 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 0 fun26 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

This is heartbreaking to hear. It just shows how careless it was of us to add the T at the end. We've especially ruined it for younger LGB people, because now their spaces are heavily dominated by the T's and the Qs. Not only has this made it harder for ordinary gay, lesbian and bisexual young people to talk about their grievances, this has also allowed spoilt, heterosexual kids to join and takeover our spaces.

Sadly, I have never met nor heard of a trans person, in real life or online, who didn't have a mental illness besides gender dysphoria. I just find them all delusional and crazy. Maybe I'm wrong and heartless, but the way TRAs behave has certainly not helped.

[–]markiemarcus 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I really am doing okay. The nightmares are a persistent reflex that I could do without, but you learn a routine for bringing yourself back to earth. Though I avoided them entirely for 5-6 years after, it was tough on new relationships. Takes a strong guy to not freak out. Yes, IIRC there was some degree of concern at the time regarding the addition. Complicated problems usually require bespoke solutions and I think it would be fair to say that Stonewall aren't really up to that these days. I take serious issue with some of their "literature" actually and Queer will always be a slur to me. It also doesn't appear to mean anything based on how I see it used; it's everything but also nothing.

I try to focus on the good trans role models. The loudest voices are always, without fail, the dumbest. That first commenter is actually a sweetheart in his PMs, once he realised what had happened. But this is the danger with these heavily moderated subs. People need dissenting views to grow as people and they're not getting that; it's a key component of the human experience. Things like ASD are definitely overrepresented and that explains some of the lack of empathy, but not all of it. The rest of it is cultivated by social media and heavily moderated interactions IMO; they don't have to be accountable for their antisocial behavior.

It's clear as day to anybody outside of that bubble, but when you're in it and you don't realise it?

[–]MarkJeffersonTight defenses and we draw the line[S] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, there are still some good people on these forums whose perceptions are being warped by these shameful misrepresentations. I mean, look how many up-votes that post got. It should've been removed by the mods out of pure embarrassment once it was proved misleading. Instead, they doubled down. It's like an AA group where instead people just congratulate each other on their alcoholism and how many random fights they instigated that day. Certainly antisocial behaviour and I think you may be on to something with your ASD remark.

I'm sorry to hear about the anguish you had to go through and still are being affected by; It's tragic how your partner never got the safe, sympathetic community he really needed in life. Hopefully we can make enough of a difference now and in the future so others will never reach that point of hopelessness.