It's not funny anymore. I'm losing hope. I feel so lonely.

submitted by fuckupaddams from (self.GenderCritical)

I don't have many friends to even begin with. At this point, they're all saying they're non-binary. I can't even have sisterhood anymore, I have to pretend I'm the only girl in the group. I carry that burden. Like I'm the only freak. I'm the only one who's relevant, who cares, when women's issues come up. Some of them wear more makeup and girly clothes than I do, but I have to pretend they're non-binary and I'm a girl. At least once a day they mention something about how they're not girls. They're okay with he/they, not she. Never she.

I noticed my best friend, who wears her hair in a pixie and prefers comfortable clothes, referring to herself as they now. I'm tired. My other friend must've finally convinced her she's too (____) to be a girl. Another one out. Just me.

All these girls I wish were girls are now terrified of anything to do with it. Girl, woman, female, she, her, oh god no - get it away. Now there's only he and they.

The one friend who I've suspected might be most receptive to my gender critical ideas, the one I thought might even be gender critical herself, just posted a "jk rowling is a terf" meme. I'm tired. I feel alone. It's not funny anymore.

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[–]just_lesbian_things 20 insightful - 2 fun20 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 2 fun -  (9 children)

It's easier said than done, but is it possible for you to find better friends? There doesn't even have to be a falling out, you can slowly move to greener pastures over time. Do you have any hobbies you would like to cultivate? You're influenced by the people around you, and quite frankly, I think you can find better influences than a bunch of ridiculous women who waste their time LARPing and obsessing over identity politics. There are women out there with more substance to their character, I promise.

[–]fuckupaddams[S] 13 insightful - 2 fun13 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 2 fun -  (8 children)

I'm an early 20s person in the most liberal city in America, I'm telling you it's not as easy as just finding new friends. Everyone is like this here.

[–]just_lesbian_things 11 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I'm in my 20s in a liberal city too, and I found most of my friends online. It's not easy and it's not going to get any easier. Good friends and compatible people are never easy to find. Look into cultivating your hobbies first. Find People who have more meaningful things to say besides what "gender" they currently feel like or what dumb shit they're parroting off social media. Or be okay with being alone. Otherwise, your actions will be dictated by other people always.

[–]Eurowoman24 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

the most liberal city in America ? which one? XD I'm guessing L.A or Toronto

[–]fuckupaddams[S] 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Doesn't really matter which, that's the sitch.

[–]just_lesbian_things 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Toronto is in Canada, right? Maybe San Francisco, NYC, Seattle or Portland?

[–]Eurowoman24 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

yes it is, and those are viable options

[–]1lemon 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

May I suggest joining a church? I understand religion is not for everyone, but it is a good place to build community and make friends.

[–]Finnegan7921 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It is a form of mass hysteria. It is peer contagion brought on by social media creating a sort of hive mind where everyone has to be on the same wavelength or they get ostracized.

It isn't surprising, look at the last four years and how these same groups of people became part of "the resistance", as if the nation had been conquered by some occupying force. They were so noble, fighting for truth and justice, or something. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, and the other side is signaling that it won't just roll over, "the resistance" is declaring such behavior treasonous and that all must bow to them.

[–]JasonNecks 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I also live in the most liberal city in America and I have been fortunate enough to find friends who are on the same page as me politically. And some who aren't but who are open-minded and who I can relate to intellectually. I wish you the same bounty that I have. Stay strong.

[–]Greykittymomma 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You aren't alone but the real world does feel that way sometimes. Women are awesome and we have every right to have our sisterhood without shame. We call girls bossy, bitchy, vain, stupid... and we wonder why girls don't want to be girls anymore? Very sad. I have a daughter and I will be teaching her to be strong, smart and proud to be herself. We will read Harry Potter and she can be as 'girly' or as tomboyish as she wants.

[–]lefterfield 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I'm so sorry about your friends :( I participate in a couple discord groups that are very much like this. I'm always consciously aware that I can't say anything too GC - I just push back against some of the most ridiculous gender stuff. It's exhausting, when all I want is to talk about the actual shared interest that was the focus of our discord. My offline friend group are all more interested in their families and careers than feminism or politics. It gets lonely not being able to talk about it with many people.

But while it may not feel like it right now, things are changing, OP! And they are getting better. I started following this issue back in 2011. When I talked to people about it then they'd think I was crazy. At least now people are talking about it, and the nonsense is going mainstream. Maybe I'm too optimistic, but I view this as a good thing. The more people are play-acting in their daily lives, the more they'll be challenged on it by people tired of being threatened or called names. There's nothing better for exposing lies than sunlight, aka public scrutiny.

In the meantime, maybe find some social groups in your area? Join a hobby group, look for public gatherings/events, go to church... You can't stop your friends from having bad opinions, but I hope you can at least find ways to make your own life less lonely and more bearable. Keep in mind that the vast majority of people believe there are only two sexes and sex is immutable.

[–]fuckupaddams[S] 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks for responding.

About your last point, any friends I make who are in my age group have the exact same chance of believing this stuff. If I was older I could probably just step out of my friend group and find sane people. There's no hope for that right now with people in my age range, especially where I live. Everyone believes this vehemently, primarily the girls (most of the guys couldn't give less of a fuck. All the girls wanna smash terfs and virtue signal.)

[–]our_team_is_winning 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

look for public gatherings/events, go to church.

I was going to suggest that too, and I'm an atheist. Some churches are more extreme than others, but many are overall social events and you might meet decent people. Of course, where I live, we have SJW churches around too. I can just see going to a church and thinking "at least they know men aren't women" and then the pastor comes out with sermon on those "born in the wrong body."

[–]Finnegan7921 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

I'd have gotten up and walked out.

[–]lefterfield 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, and there are many atheists who go to Unitarian services. Unfortunately it's one religion that is likely infiltrated with SJW's, but it's a possibility if it hasn't been. Most of the left-leaning denominations are safe from gender ideology. I used to go to one that had a neat philosophy discussion every Sunday, and they didn't seem to particularly care what someone's religious beliefs were.

[–]arcticbasket 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Sounds like it's time for new friends.

Here's the thing: people change. This is normal. Sometimes we need to update our friend groups because we've grown in different directions.

Can you meet new people through hobbies? Either online or in person?

[–]cinnaflo 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

I would suggest making new friends, particularly with other GC women/ girls. I got into radical feminism through tumblr, and tumblr skews much younger than on GC reddit. It's also larger (than on here) and the website audience is mostly catered to young women.

[–]fuckupaddams[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Lovetobe-feminist.tumblr.com

Way ahead of you, follow me I'll get you back.

I wish it was easy to know which cool person irl is GC. It's not like you can outright ask. It's easier online but what if I want gc girlfriends irl?

[–]artandicecream 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

what blogs would you suggest on tumblr? when i was on tumblr i often ran into pronoun slingers who hated me just for being biologically female and straight. apparently thats a crime now

[–]fuckupaddams[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I'm on the radfem side of tumblr, pm me or follow/message me and I'll be able to send you to the other radfem blogs. They're awesome chicks

Lovetobe-feminist.tumblr.com

[–]artandicecream 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

I just followed. Yay!

[–]fuckupaddams[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Send me a pm :)

if you go through the #radfem and #baby radfem and #gendercritical tags you'll find many more blogs to follow

[–]chasingdemons666 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've followed you as well, can I get the links as well pretty please?

[–]cinnaflo 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'll message you for more info 😊

[–]fuckupaddams[S] 8 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

I asked my friend who posted the jk rowling is a terf meme if she read her essay

"No, I don't be reading" .......... Okay so you're just parroting what everyone else is saying and don't actually know wtf you're talking about.

A swift bullet in the head, please.

[–]just_lesbian_things 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Lol find new friends. Really. Maybe ones who read.

[–]BrendaFricker 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Fuck man. I'm so sorry. In the last few years a lot of my friends have fallen for this shit in one way or another. I'm convinced it's a fucking psyop to ruin the left and prevent any meaningful organisation. I've managed to have just a small group that game together and they're mostly gender critical, thank christ. Men are more likely to question gender ideology in my experience, women are too fucking nice.

[–]fuckupaddams[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Men are more likely to question gender ideology in my experience, women are too fucking nice.

I know I can easily make friends with men who don't buy this shit. But I want meaningful friendships with other young women, and they're all buying this shit. It's so hard.

[–]MinisterOfTerfery 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I suggest subtle comments and questions that will make them question the non-binary thing.. Ask them why they're not okay with being called she, asked them since they are non-binary, if they are competing in sport where would they compete, in the women's or men's category? Tell them you've been questioning your non-binaryness too because you don't like dresses, but your mom said not liking a dress doesn't make you anything less of a woman. Tell them what they think of that? Slowly plant some seed.

They're grow out of it and you'll get your sisterhood. Get involved in hobbies where you can make friends in the meantime.

[–]QueenBread 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You may try to consider it as - they're outplaying the incels and transcels at their own game. So let them do it, I guess? Perhaps in their own way they too are fighting for gender critical views.

I mean, when they see men who look absolutely like men but demand you consider them women, sometimes the only response is beating them at their own game.

[–]ketchuphater 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

Don't worry. They'll grow out of this shit sooner or later. Don't take this the wrong way, but "identifying as non-binary" is a very adolescent thing to do, and hardly ever continues past high school or college. If they continue identifying as "non-binary" as adults, then they're probably massive losers anyway, and not worth your time. Believe me, you will make better friends.

[–]fuckupaddams[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

We are post-college aged. Bout 22/23/24 range. But my friend group is still very juvenile. Is there hope?

[–]ketchuphater 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I think yes. I can't really imagine a 30 yr old person in the workforce going around telling her bosses and coworkers that she's non-binary and prefers they/them pronouns. People aren't going to tolerate that kind of behavior in actual adults. Especially not adult women.

[–]artandicecream 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Well just know that at least we are with you. I hope you find some friends like you soon. To me its very important that my friends have a similar identity to me and a similar view on gender. I cant be friends with someone who doesnt

[–]Rationalmind 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You're the sane one in a sea of idiots. I too often feel like an outsider. Sometimes it's a benefit and other times it's a detriment. Overall, it helps you, but it does feel lonely at times. Keep up your spirits. One day you'll find out that you were right all along, and that, sister, is what makes the struggle worth it.

[–]powpowpowpow 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Hey wanna add me on discord? We can chat if u want, i feel very lonely on this subject as well since most of my friends are die hard liberals so it sucks bc i cant share what i truly think or else i will loose friends of years just bc im "transphobic" :/ if u want someone to talk to pm me and i will send u my discord user and tag :)

[–]fuckupaddams[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

PM'd you a link to the radfem discord server I'm in

[–]chasingdemons666 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Seconded! I feel the same way, so if you wanna chat I can send you my tag :)

[–]fuckupaddams[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Heya, I messaged you here - pls respond.