we're not that far from each other: i'm 31. i've had few sexual partners and none of them were good. there was one who put an effort because he really wanted to give me pleasure (the one who took my virginity), but it didn't work. it just hurt everytime we had sex. there was another one with whom i managed to feel pleasure ONCE, amidst pain, with a looot of concentration to focus on the pleasure instead of the pain. this one was careful not to hurt me, but he couldn't care less about my pleasure. he asked for blowjobs (and sometimes i'd give them without him asking) and never once offered me one in return (i was too shy to ask... i should have, maybe he would have done it). to me, sex = pain. i just can't relax with someone i barely know and i cannot trust men. all my experiences were with men who lied or ommited something from me to get what they wanted. there's no benefit for me to engage with them and on top of that, it can be a dangerous and traumatic experience. to me casual sex is: best case scenario, i'll have bad sex, worst case scenario i'll be raped and murdered.