Parent in /r/parenting is just so proud of 6yo for coming out as trans. Many of the comments are surprisingly sane.

submitted by Feather from self.GenderCritical

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[–]emptiedriver 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

Even just the idea that the parent is taking seriously allowing a child to change their name to "Star" seems silly to me. Like, even if it were a daughter who was named Susan but wanted to become "Star" from now on, it seems like that's fine if you want to let her tell her friends to call her by a new nickname or whatever, but to officially ask the school and correct other parents and take seriously the idea of renaming your child "Star" ..?

I dunno, not that that's a big deal, but somehow it just accentuates the childishness of the whole thing to me. Just let the kid play around and if they want to have their friends use a nickname fine. But at this age, it's just bath time and personalities - if the kid wants to be "girly" fine, but what makes him a girl? Maybe it's not important now, but not worth causing confusion over.

[–]lefterfield 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

I understand what you're saying. It gives children way too much power over adult choices and the actions of those around them. Kinda reminds me of back when I used to work in a daycare - one day a dad brought his sniffling three year old in. She was wearing two mismatched LEFT shoes because, in his words "it's what she wanted to wear." I rolled my eyes a bit, waited till he left, and put two matching shoes on her that were appropriate for playing(the mismatched ones weren't). Yes, she threw a fit, but when I didn't react, she forgot about it a couple minutes later... like kids do. The trans stuff seems to be giving parents the same sort of opt-out option for actual parenting. Children don't know really know what they want, and far too often what they claim to want is dangerous or otherwise harmful. That's why adults should be, y'know, adults.

[–]BEB 24 insightful - 3 fun24 insightful - 2 fun25 insightful - 3 fun -  (3 children)

This is so true. I feel like kids are way too indulged these days. When I was a child in the US, my experience and that of many of my contemporaries were that we were the planets to our parents sun.

Our parents made sure that we were clothed, bathed (on our own as soon as possible), that we did our homework, got to school on time, bu then....

We ate dinner together as a family, they'd drop us off at practice if needed (or we'd walk or ride our bike) - but then, they left us alone to live their lives and let us take risks and learn how to live ours. We had a tremendous amount of freedom as kids. Our parents loved us, but they were off at cocktail parties and taking art classes, and having fun living their lives too.

Then I see younger friends with their kids and their lives outside of work revolve around their kids. EVERYTHING is an event. Every soccer practice is treated like the Olympics. Every piano practice like Carnegie Hall.

And I don't think it's healthy. It's way too much pressure on the kids, and they are micro-managed so much that they never learn to think for themselves, much less take the risks they need in order to learn.

Plus, they grow up thinking that they're the center of the universe, so everything that doesn't validate that is abuse. The real world will be full of abuse and these kids are going to have to deal, but I really don't think some of them will.

And this whole transgender push is, ultimately, for many girls, a way to try to escape from their physical reality, which we can't - we have to fight to make it better for women, not live in fantasy bubble that, at the end of the day, the real world will not validate.

Lecture over.

[–]suzyquattrosshoes 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

My brother (in his early 40s) recently flipped on our mom, as apparently he was a “latch-key kid”. Our mom had a career in healthcare. She loved her work, which paid for us to live (very well by the way). If she wasn’t home, an aunt or uncle or babysitter or parent was, total fabrication

when we were kids, she was late for dinner once or twice and hadn’t gone shopping (probably made up for it with pizza). Apparently my brother starved of neglect. (No chance)

She missed a baseball practice or two (likely there was an emergency); my brother was again “neglected”. Bullshit, she was there every Saturday, for his practice AND the other brother’s.

And yes, we hung out with kids in the neighborhood (did also have structured extracurricular activities), and our mom had friends. God forbid.

She didn’t stare at us every minute like he and his (younger) girlfriend do with their kid, which they can do thanks to their unemployment. He thinks he’s the pinnacle of parenting, and his girlfriend, who didn’t finish highschool, is the world’s best mother, because she bakes.

He actually tore into our 70 y/o mother with these pathetic and ridiculous lies, which he sincerely believes. I have no words for this person.

She asked him to get out.

He called her the next week wanting her “advice” on a ring for his girlfriend. No apology.

AND, he blackmails her with his kids.

Fucking tool. He’s very stupid and silly, and of course he’s reproducing.

[–]lefterfield 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ugh, that's so rude. I can acknowledge that not everything my mom did to raise me was 100% perfect, but also that she did her absolute best as a fallible human. And that despite the fact that I theoretically had a father for most of my childhood, I maintain she is the ONLY parent who raised me. Things I never realized as a child was that she was the only one who worked for 90% of their marriage(at a really good job), and still did almost all of the parenting and put herself through grad school just because she wanted to. I was a latchkey kid too, and sometimes wanted to be homeschooled or otherwise have had more from either parent - but as an adult I realized that it wasn't an option and that the life my mom led was the only choice she had, largely because of me and my brother. And she never complained or made it seem like we were ever a burden to her(her husband, on the other hand...) and I can only respect the hell out of her for that. Your brother sounds like he's still very childish.

[–]BEB 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I hope that your mother can see through your brother's bullshit. Every parent I know feels guilt, and the bottom line is that most parents do the best they can with the knowledge they have. Parenting is the world's toughest job. Your child might not turn out as you wanted, but that's not necessarily your fault. I think we should be easier on our parents and on ourselves, because really, truly, no one is perfect.

[–]Feather[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

You probably should have let her wear the wrong shoes. Wearing the wrong shoes is uncomfortable. You denied her the minor suffering of wearing wrong shoes.

It's the same thing as why parents should advise kids not to play in the snow in a t-shirt but then let their kids do it anyway if their kids insist; their kids need to learn through literal physical experience that sometimes the results of their choices feel bad.

You make the kid wear a coat and they learn that parents make kids wear coats. You go, "Okay, if you insist on not wearing a coat, go ahead," and they learn that they were wrong to ignore you because they feel horrible and cold. One of the most important aspects of parenting in the younger years is letting them learn that ignoring your advice leads to results that feel bad.

It leads them to trust your judgment later on, since they have an entire library of memories about how it was a mistake to ignore your advice.

[–]lefterfield 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That's a different philosophy on parenting, and while I don't disagree with it in theory, in some cases it's better to just tell the child what they need to do at that time. My other concern about the shoes was that they were very sparkly and the sort of thing that leads to other children being jealous and wanting special treatment too - I didn't need to deal with that from 10 toddlers. When it's just one it's easier to let them make bad choices.

[–]Feather[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I hadn't thought of that point about one kid vs a bunch of kids. Makes sense.