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[–]strictly 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I still hold onto some aspects of being part of that community, but no longer feel like I belong because I've convinced myself that I am transgender.

Lesbian is a sexual orientation, not who you feel community with. If you are female person who is only attracted to female people you are a lesbian.

Maybe I do, but I'm actually a cis lesbian.

Plenty of lesbians don't bother with having any gender identities at all and are neither trans nor "cis". The only thing that can make you, a female person, not a lesbian is being sexually attracted to males.

Every night I'm on the fence, arguing with myself at night about whether I am actually a lesbian or I am a guy. Every night I'm on the fence, arguing with myself at night about whether I am actually a lesbian or I am a guy. I know it isn't logical. I know that I have xx chromosomes (most likely, never actually had them analyzed :0) I know that I can only alter my appearance, not my DNA.

What you are saying isn't logical as you are contradicting yourself. You are not on the fence about whether you are a guy, you know you are not a guy. A guy wouldn't think he is trans for wanting to be what he already is. Being one the fence about being a guy would mean you would be on the fence about which set of reproductive organs you were born with, which you are not. You are on the fence about wanting to be a guy, and that is something else. Also, unless you are on the fence about being sexually attracted to males you are not on the fence about being a lesbian either, you already know you are one.

I still respect other trans people and don't see them as anything other than the gender they're transitioning as

How do they know the people of their target sex have the same gender feelings as they do? They don't.

I believe that without dysphoria, you're just masculine/feminine but still cis.

The official definition of cisgender is having gender identity on the same side of one's sex. Many people don't have gender identities at all so they are neither cis nor trans. People can also be dysphoric and never intend to transition, making them dyshoric but not trans.

I want to get the idea that I'm trans out of my head

If you want to be a guy, then you want to be a guy, that's just the current state of things. Your feelings might change with time or it might not, the future is unknown. People who would be prefer being the opposite sex are not unusual though and most people who want to be the opposite sex don't transition. It's a pity that transition is seen as the only option when it's the extreme option. Humans are not hard-coded to prefer being their sex so simply wanting to be the opposite sex shouldn't be seen as an error that must be fixed by transitioning. It perfectly fine for a woman to prefer being a man and not take testosterone. Note, adults can do what they want to their own bodies though so if a woman wants to take testosterone I'm not going to be against that either.

I know that gender/sex isn't a feeling

Gender is a social construct, gender identity is a feeling only some people have (like trans people) and sex is a biological fact.