My Peak Trans story is similar to other people who peaked after JKR tweets. I've always heard she was a TERF and hated trans people and of course I was dissapointed with her for that. Fuck TERFS, right? When the now famous " I'm sure there used to be a word for those people" tweet appeared on my timeline I rolled my eyes. Then I wanted to read all the non-sense she had to say... and it made sense. All the information I had about how hateful she was came from TRAs and when I actually read and analysed what she wanted to say it clicked with me. Like someone who discovers that one of their friends is actually a bad person, I started to see red flags in the past that I was trying to ignore and the dissonance in my mind dissapeard.

• My "truth": "Kids should be allowed to transition if they say they want to be the opposite gender". Dissonance: The fact that when I was 5, if someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would reply "a boy". I believed that for a while, but I grew out of that. What if my parents decided that I was trans because of that?

• My "truth": "If a lesbian only wants to have sex with vaginas she's a transphobe". Dissonance: I am a lesbian. I don't like penis. The only way to be able reject penis in the TRA world I was living in was saying you have a trauma (eg being raped). So I pretended I had a trauma (without details, just said I had a past trauma with penises so that's why I wouldn't be comfortable with having sex with it) to be able to be left alone about this issue. Then I realised I don't have any trauma, I just DON'T LIKE PENISES. What if I had to justify I don't like men with a trauma? I'm just not into them and that doesn't make a androphobe.

• My "truth": as long as you feel like a woman, you are a woman. Dissonance: But as biologist, I know sex and gender identity are completely different. That "if you are a trans woman then your body is a females body" thing didn't make sense. You can change, defy, deny or ignore gender, but you can't change sex. I thought that was obvious, but some TRA are sending people to learn basic biology. And here I am, with a degree in biology and a career in a medical field not able to speak because I can be cancelled for that. Also, the fact that a trans woman has been socialized as a male so they will never understand what it is being born and educated a woman. Like that lady who pretended to be black and was rejected by the black community. I hundred per cent agreed with the black community on that matter but then somehow I felt that the same argument for trans people would made me a transphobe so I had to hide it deep down in my brain.

• My "truth": saying this or this is transphobe. Dissonance: I have to be really careful with what I say now. If you accidentally say something that is considered transphobe, instead of being corrected, they bully you and even send you death threats. I still believe in treating people with the pronouns they prefer, but having to be careful with language ALL THE TIME or otherwise you risk everything is exhausting.

• My "truth": trans women should compete in women sports. Dissonance: I agree with this if is recreational, I play a team sport where we have a trans woman and a nonbinary person (born male) and I couldn't give a fuck cause where just having fun. But in professional sports, especially those where going through male puberty changes the body permanently, it's not fair. I don't belive that hundreds of men will transition to win in women competitions, but there are enough trans women in sports to make this a concern.

This is too long so I'll stop here, but I feel FREE now. Not having to constantly fight with what I'm supposed to believe and what I actually believe is liberating. My friends are all in the LGBT community or allies so right now I can't "come out" as GC, but I hope there will be a day where this doesn't make you lose your friends and maybe your job.