Women are pressured to Be Nice

submitted by threefingersam from self.GenderCritical

There's a common social expectation that women are supposed to "be nice." So how have you been pressured to be nice? I'd like to hear experiences both online and irl

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[–]venecia 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Manage the feelings of men at all times. Anticipate what feelings they may get and work around them. After all, men's feelings can turn dangerous or deadly in a heartbeat.

What we're seeing in the TRA community is people who have been thoroughly socialized as white males who believe that their feelings are more enormously important than anything in the world, and they still feel entitled to coddling and invisible ''feelings management'' from women despite, bafflingly, wanting to become one. Don't point out that realizing that their feelings are not the most important thing in the world is Step 1 in actually becoming a woman. They don't want any of the self-sacrifice that we've been taught to do forever.

[–]hellamomzilla 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It's in evidence in the thread where the TIM wants to be welcomed and loved on.

There are women who are all, "As long as you agree..." and "Your integrity is so wonderful..." and blah blah blah handmaiden-y shit.

The man even flat-out says he "aspires to be a woman." It's been a couple of days after the trans mafia couldn't bear that there was a sub which refused to play their word games and pretend that males could be females. All these TRAs are like that one bad neighbor, you know? They're loud, the cops get called on them, their house and yard are an eyesore, and everyone else just keeps to themselves and hopes things'll settle down. Except in Reddit-world, the bad neighbors want to steal your house and force YOU to go somewhere else because you won't invite them in and let them graffiti your walls and scream in your face and shit on the living room rug.

And, now that we've been forced to move, they continue to follow us and act like they like us. Fuck. I don't like them. I don't care whose feelings I hurt around this topic.

[–]threefingersam[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The social conditioning of niceness can be hard to unlearn

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I might be in the minority here, but . . . I don't "play nice." I worked for years in a high-stress, male-dominated field, trained and supervised men, had male trainers and supervisors. Had male instructors and program chairs in college and grad school. And basically gave no fucks about gender role expectations (my nature since childhood).

Which would make me a holy terror amongst TRAs and feelz-based tribes, I guess, but I never really moved in those spaces. 😈

I'm also very civil. I have common sense and show common courtesy. I know what suffering is, and I'm highly empathetic. But emotionally laboring over faux TRA sensitivities? Nope. That's participating in a mental-health-driven delusion, and I don't do that.

[–]threefingersam[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Some examples I want to list: -Women are disproportionately punished for voicing a controversial opinion, compared to men. One of the more recent examples of course being JK Rowling's tweets. If a man had said what she said, you can be certain he wouldn't receive the same level of social media outrage.

-Women are told to smile or called out for not smiling, even from strangers.

-Often when women post online, they'll preface an opinion or question with an apology - "Sorry if I'm overstepping" "Correct me if I'm wrong" ... As if having a voice is something to be sorry for!

-Honesty from a woman is often called "meanness"

-I had to learn how to speak up for myself and strengthen my boundaries as an adult, because I worried too much about "hurting others feelings." Unsurprisingly, I was socialized into considering other people's feelings over my own.

[–]OvetIt 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I almost lost my job because a few times I stopped performing and just spoke normally to people. You know without using the fake saccharine voice and overly apologetic verbiage and just spoke plainly in my own voice, using simple terms. No one could handle it. I got a phone call from my bosses boss that I was mean. Ffs