Both: Early childhood socialization and what causes people to become trans

submitted by worried19 from self.GCdebatesQT

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[–]peakingatthemomentTranssexual (natal male), HSTS 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Thanks for your reply!

Did you go through therapy to try to help you reconcile to your biological sex?

Yes, it wasn’t the best though. The therapists I saw were Christian and more focused on my homosexuality as the issue. They believed that I had failed to identify with other boys properly and that supposed to be the root of cross-gender feelings and behaviors (I think they blamed my mother too). Weirdly, it started before I actually had sexual feelings towards boys, but everyone knew I was or would be (and they were right). I won’t go into too much detail, but it didn’t help and just made me resent my parents a lot. There was some better therapy years later, but, by that point, I don’t think there was much chance I would have seen it differently. When parents push you sometimes it just makes you less open and defiant especially if it felt like they were hurting you.

How does that happen? Is there something about their life experiences that caused one twin to believe he was more than just homosexual, or was there something in the womb that tilted the twin in that direction, such an influx of hormones? Can a baby really be "born wrong" in that way?

There are so many question I feel like it’s really hard to have answers to. I have a hard time believing it’s all just how we are born, but some it probably is (sexual orientation for instance, maybe other things). I feel like if ever fully understand homosexuality in males it will help explain at least some male transsexuals. I don’t think it’s a type of homosexuality exactly, but I can’t imagine the trans part existing if we weren’t gay first. Early onset females seem way more complicated to me, lol.

It makes me upset to think about. It's unfair that children are distressed and that society, in my opinion, is currently magnifying and encouraging that distress.

Me too. This is such a hard time to grow up. All the messages are so inescapable in a way that’s worse than before I feel like.

[–]worried19[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Feel free not to answer if it's too personal, but what age were you when you started your medical transition? Were you allowed to access hormones or medical procedures without getting other therapies?

It seems like many natal female adolescents who have dysphoria typically see that resolve in their late teens. All of the Pique Resilience Project members started identifying as trans at 15 or 16 and stopped at 19.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxVmSGTgNxI

Interesting video, if you haven't seen it. But I don't know that this experience is matched by natal male transitioners, especially those with early onset dysphoria. Do you think that maybe something like CBT might have helped you resolve your dysphoria, or do you think it was already too entrenched by your late adolescence to respond to any attempt at treatment?

I don’t think it’s a type of homosexuality exactly, but I can’t imagine the trans part existing if we weren’t gay first.

I think it might be an extreme form of male homosexuality, maybe? Like some men are so feminine that they wish to adopt everything about the female body and social role. Why exactly homosexuality and gender nonconformity are correlated is still a mystery to me, though. I think there's something biological going on. Scientists can change the sexual orientation and gendered behavior of mice by messing with their hormones.

Early onset females seem way more complicated to me, lol.

Agreed. Females are very different. Not least of which is the fact that significant numbers of early onset girls do not grow up to be lesbians vs. the overwhelming majority of early onset boys growing up to be gay men.

[–]peakingatthemomentTranssexual (natal male), HSTS 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Feel free not to answer if it's too personal, but what age were you when you started your medical transition? Were you allowed to access hormones or medical procedures without getting other therapies?

I don’t mind answering I guess. I started medical transition when I was 16.

There was lot of therapy. I only mentioned the therapy before that was specifically trying to make me okay with my sex. My parents eventually took me someone who was part of HBIDGA (later WPATH) and I saw him for a long time before anything medical happened. Even that wasn’t like all affirmation though, at least at first, whereas I think it would be now. It wouldn’t have been allowed if my parents hadn’t consented to it too.

I’ve seen some of the Pique Resilience Project stuff and I like them. Thanks for sharing!

Do you think that maybe something like CBT might have helped you resolve your dysphoria, or do you think it was already too entrenched by your late adolescence to respond to any attempt at treatment?

Maybe? I think by late adolescence it was way too late. Maybe it could have helped when I was younger. I feel like my parents tried to “help” when I was younger, but pushed me to feel like I they were trying to erase everything about me and it just made me put up walls. I think sometimes parents can make things worse by trying to be too controlling and the child feels under attack. This is something I’m going to try to do better than my parents did. I guess I feel like because of how they started trying to “help” me, it meant that I would never be able to trust enough (at that time in my life at least) to really have any chance of something like CBT working.

I think it might be an extreme form of male homosexuality, maybe?

Maybe, I feel like it’s very related for some of us. That’s why I put HSTS in my flair because I feel like it helps it make sense even if I would agree with all Blanchard things. Most trans males are straight or bi though so it’s only useful for some of us.

[–]worried19[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Thanks for answering. It sounds like you did get proper therapy. Obviously this was prior to "affirmation only" being presented as the only valid option.

I feel like my parents tried to “help” when I was younger, but pushed me to feel like I they were trying to erase everything about me and it just made me put up walls.

Again, feel free not to answer if this is too personal, but did your parents bring you to therapy because they wanted to cure your gender nonconformity or latent homosexuality, or was it because you were showing distress in other areas of life?

Most trans males are straight or bi though so it’s only useful for some of us.

True. I don't really agree with Blanchard either, but I think the HSTS designation is useful. AGP is a whole other can of worms.

[–]peakingatthemomentTranssexual (natal male), HSTS 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Again, feel free not to answer if this is too personal, but did your parents bring you to therapy because they wanted to cure your gender nonconformity or latent homosexuality, or was it because you were showing distress in other areas of life?

My parents brought me because of the gender dysphoria/gender non-conformity. I was in school until the second grade, but had to stop going (home schooled until later) because of the difficulties from that as a boy. I don’t really like talking about it that much, but, for the people I saw at first, it was about correcting my latent homosexuality (even though they didn’t say that, it was like about forming competitive friendships with boys and being what god wanted you to be).

[–]worried19[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't blame you for not wanting to talk about it. It's depressing that GNC children are not allowed to simply exist as they are. You should have been accepted at that age, not brought to a therapist to try to change your nature for religious reasons. How creepy that adults are even concerned about a second grader's eventual sexual orientation.

I hope in the future there are fewer situations like that. We can't change the past, but we can work on making things better for GNC kids to come.