Just me whining

submitted by [deleted] from (self.whatever)

Maybe coming to PA was a bad idea, the family is petty and bickering, and being here brings back memories of my abusive childhood.

I don't mean abusive like someone hurt my feelings, they used to call me Bruiser cause I was covered in black and blue marks all the time.

Not a day went by I didn't get the shit beat out of me.

I mean, I guess I should get over that shit already.... It just bugs me tho when they act like it's funny or it didn't happen.

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[–]Jesus-Christ 13 insightful - 2 fun13 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Your feelings are valid.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks Jesus.

[–][deleted] 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I mean, I guess I should get over that shit already....

I don't think I'd be able to shrug that off either. There's something wrong with them, not with you.

[–]Zapped 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (7 children)

Sorry, man. I've never been around that kind of stuff. How do you move forward so that it doesn't bother you?

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (6 children)

It doesn't bother me usually, but my father laughing about the nickname just set me off. Kinda wondering if that was PTSD?

[–]jet199Instigatrix 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

More likely you were seeing through him and it set off your red flag detector.

What kind of decent person would laugh about something like that?

[–]Canbot 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

If they literally think abusing you is funny it's time to cut ties.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'm kind of a difficult person sometimes, Canbot, I don't particularly want to throw away anyone who will put up with me.

[–]jet199Instigatrix 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

The fact you are a difficult person is likely due to your upbringing though.

You can get stuck at a certain emotional age until you work your way through it.

[–]Zapped 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Maybe he thinks it helped you build character? Especially if you've done well since leaving home.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

He doesn't believe what happened was wrong, Bruiser is a funny nickname to him.

[–]Optimus85 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

There's nothing funny about being bullied.

[–]yabbit 5 insightful - 5 fun5 insightful - 4 fun6 insightful - 5 fun -  (3 children)

white people are brutal towards their kids jeezus no wonder you niggas are so fucked up

[–]Canbot 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

That is not a white people thing you racist fuck.

[–]jet199Instigatrix 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

You got got

[–]Canbot 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

How so?

Do you think yabbits disingenuous claim is comparable to the well founded observation that black people suffer greatly at the hands of other black people, especially thier parents?

Do you think that disproving this claim also disproves all similar claims by association?

Those are not logical trains of thought.

Black violence is well documented. Where as this kind of violence is far more rare in white house households. Not that it doesn't exist, it certainly does. But when you look at racial demographics the evidence literally proves that it is whites and Asians who are the least abusive.

[–]yelgy 6 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

beat them back now that you're big

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.

[–]paul1149 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If they are unrepentant about abuse like that you have no further obligation.

[–]Markimus 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

I know, I will go to meet people who hate me and abused me my entire life

...Maybe coming to PA was a bad idea

ya think?

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

This was your father? Yet you maintain a close relationship with him independent of your extended family?

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

I mean, they used to hit us as kids, mom used to break her wooden spoons over us, dad would pull out the belt, but that was typical punishment of the time. My older brother was the violent problem. I think beating me was cathartic for him. It kept going until he tried to kill me over a thing of salsa. Broke a chair over me (plastic, the third one I think over the years), and I pulled a knife. Last time he ever did that shit, he knows I'll defend myself with lethal force.

My complaint about everyone else, and to this day, is that they saw/see it as normal behavior. Brothers fight. And they do. This was some ultra-violence shit though. And I guarantee they would never tolerate someone doing that to their kids.

It's a long time ago, fuck it, but I think they actually triggered a PTSD episode. I went fucking nuts till I got nice and drunk.

Yet you maintain a close relationship with him independent of your extended family?

My father isn't a bad person, he's actually one of the most decent people I have ever met. He was working all the time while this was happening. I mean, he ain't winning any parent of the year awards, but it wasn't an easy situation for anyone.

And my brother moved an hour away, he isn't talking to me currently -- actually ran away from my parent's house with a quickness the last time I was there. Makes me smile to think about. I don't know if he thinks he's punishing me but it works out really well for me. He won't come over for holidays, so I got rid of him there voluntarily.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

I mean, they used to hit us as kids, mom used to break her wooden spoons over us, dad would pull out the belt, but that was typical punishment of the time.

Sorry, but I'm not that much younger than you. Typical (IMO still unethical) punishment is spanking, not getting beaten with objects, even if it was somewhat more accepted back in the day.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I'm like 30% older!

[–]jet199Instigatrix 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Your father is likely a narcissist which means he puts on a goodguy persona because it makes him feel big but anytime the mask slips or his ego is poked he goes into rages. That's why domestic abusers can have a Jekyll and Hyde appearance, their families think their rages are like something else has possessed them but actually that's closer to the real personality.

Your brother is also a product of his environment and parents with personality disorders will often play their children off against each other.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I think we all may be narcissists. The family motto is "I'm always right." No joke, and I didn't even grow up around my family. It just occurs to us naturally.

I am fairly certain my brother has only ever experienced brief moments of empathy, I think generally he sees everything not only as a narcissist but as a psychopath. Shame he isn't a CEO.

[–]chottohen 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

So this young Italian immigrant invites his dad over to see the new world and takes him to a baseball game but has to explain the rules to his father. Papa is excited to see the great Joe DiMaggio. When Joe bats the first time, he gets a walk. Papa asks, Whata happen? Papa, Joe gotta four balls so he can walk. Papa says, Walka proud Joe, walka proud.

[–]jet199Instigatrix 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

You should listen to the disaffected podcast when you get home.

Lying and gaslighting is part of the abuser's mindset. Everything is someone else's fault.

You shouldn't get over it because you should have good boundaries to protect yourself and those you love in the future.

You'll never convince them you are right or get a real apology though. You will have to let that go.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It can sometimes be comforting to visit familiar surroundings, even if it does lead to dwelling on the past...But there comes a time when you must decide that you've moved on to a better place and be more grateful for what you have now.

Occasionally I'll drive through my old town, even though it's a little out of my way. I don't even know why or what I'm looking for. Some drives go well, others not so we'll...But I still drive through for old times sake...