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[–]Imscared[S] 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Interesting thread. I find particularly positive the fact that many women understood their desire when growing up to distance themselves from the growing pressure to conform to a hyper-sexualised and porn-inspired or religiously dictated idea of womanhood and came to peace later with their bodies as opposed to fixing this with surgery.

I wonder what experiences can you girls share about the way you present yourselves to the world. Especially if there has been any shift from looks that appeal to the male gaze to something else.

[–]hunther 5 insightful - 4 fun5 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Lesbians have such a difference experience compared to het women. For lesbians, we were okay with the tomboy phase but was forced to perform femininity that it make us uncomfortable and now in the present we go back to the phase we were once comfortable. But for het women, they always wanted to present feminine but was told that's not what girls do if they have different wants and interest outside of femininity and now they're most comfortable being feminine or as they put it themselves "hate alot of femininity but does femininity in their own way".

[–]linden 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I was a tomboy as a young girl and in my teens I felt this pressure and expectation to dress a certain way and do certain things like shaving, wearing makeup etc. I thought that was what girls were supposed to do. It was only until I got a little older did I realize that I don't like doing any of those things and I don't have to do any of those things. Now I'm comfortably a more masculine women.

[–]reluctant_commenter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Sorry this is way late, but this is really interesting, thanks for sharing.

archive link: https://archive.is/3Wjt9

One of the comments, from a lesbian woman:

When I finally realized I was gay (or at least heavily lesbian-leaning pansexual), I began to unravel that being a tomboy was just coping mechanism for me. I was repressing who I really wanted to be. When that opened up, I began to sort out what I was attracted to vs. what I wanted to be (the classic gay "do I want to be WITH her, or do I want to BE her???" dilemma).

I always had short hair before. I never wore makeup. I was a t-shirt and shorts/jeans kind of girl...and not the flattering kind that I actually find really attractive when other women wear it. Yeah, I realized I really liked presenting a lot more femme, and I've really leaned into it.

The downside is that I get a lot more unwanted male attention now than I used to. But...I was just talking about this with my wife the other day: When I was more of a tomboy, male attention actually used to really upset me on a deeper level. Now, when it happens it's still unwanted and annoying, but my feelings are a lot more along the lines of, "Yeah...I get it. But no. Just no." And that's because I'm a lot more comfortable with myself these days. I like the way I look.

[–]Lizzythelezzo 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I have definitely met straight women who were tomboys as teens because they didn't want to be ogled by men, but later became more comfortable being themselves (and being more feminine, as that felt more authentic to them).